


Monsters

by kryxzgaming



Series: Buttercup Trilogy [3]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Sorry again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 16:20:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 79,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14937732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryxzgaming/pseuds/kryxzgaming
Summary: :^)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> :^)

**lukas**   
  
  


I leaned my head back and shut my eyes as I took a hit from my joint, smiling slightly as I felt myself calm down a bit. "Lukas, stop fucking smoking weed. Christ, it's three a.m." I heard a voice, and I sighed, pulling the joint off of my lips and glancing over at who spoke.

"Fuck off, Luke," I murmured, rolling my eyes. "Don't tell me how to live my life."

"Six months ago you were in a hospital," Luke murmured, crossing his arms over his chest. "Five months ago you lost your shit again and dumped your boyfriend, then moved halfway across the city. If I was telling you how to live your life, bro, none of that shit would've happened."

I took another hit as I listened to him, then pulled it away again, raising an eyebrow. "At least I'm not snorting cocaine, or injecting heroin into my bloodstream, alright?"

"It's not that I have a problem with you smoking, Lukas," He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, "It's that you barely do anything else."

"You're so uptight, man," I chuckled, swinging my legs over the side of my computer chair, spinning it a bit. "Maybe you should start hitting this shit up."

"I already do, dumbass," He rolled his eyes, and I hummed.

"Oh? Well then. I didn't know that. I can tell you one thing, for sure, you're a hell of a lot more discreet about it than I am." I chuckled, taking another hit.

"I can't imagine how your powers must be when you're high," Luke laughed a bit, and I grinned.

"It's fuckin' awesome," I murmured, running my fingers through my hair. I glanced up at the ceiling, then back at Luke. "Oh, by the way, don't think your little situation last night went unbeknownst to me."

"What?" Luke furrowed his eyebrows, and I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

"You literally brought home and banged a guy at four in the morning and thought I wouldn't realize?" I spoke, grinning as I watched him blush a bit and awkwardly rub at the back of his neck.

"Fuck you," He finally muttered, flipping me off, and I laughed.

"Who was it?" I asked, spinning my seat a bit. "Just a one-night stand or maybe somethin' more?"

As much as I loved Luke- he was like my brother, at this point- fucking hell, could he get annoying at times. He needed a boyfriend so he could complain to him instead of me. Obviously I was there for him all the time, but then he'd just go on rants about the dumbest shit. Like, I'll be sitting there, eating my fucking Froot Loops, and he'll storm in the room, shouting about how the holes in his jeans aren't ripped enough to make him look edgy.

"Nah, it was just a one-night stand," He muttered, leaning against the doorway and shoving a hand in his pocket. "Although, he was pretty cute. Maybe I should hit him up again."

"God, don't," I shook my head. "That's so awkward. Unless you're down to fuck again, then maybe?"

"Well, what if he texts me?" He mumbled, and I shrugged.

"Well, if he texts you first, and you're interested, then go for it. If you're not interested, don't lead the guy on, y'know?" I took another hit, frowning as I realized how small my joint had gotten. It still had a few more good puffs before it should be tossed, though.

"What about you?" He asked, and I raised my eyebrows, glancing at him.

"I broke up with  _him_  only five months ago, Luke," I chuckled, feeling a familiar pain in my chest as I mentioned  _him_. "I'm not interested in seeing anyone at the moment."

"Nah, I'm talkin' about your sex life, man." Luke chuckled, and I took another hit, grinning.

"I have a hand, and access to the internet. What more could I need?" I spun in my chair again, and he rolled his eyes.

"One of these nights I'm taking you out to the club, and you're going to end up getting laid." He murmured, walking over to my bed and sitting down on it. "I am the ultimate wingman, Lukas, and I can tell that you need a good dicking down."

"Mother of fucking Christ, Luke, are  _you_ high?" I huffed, running my fingers through my hair. "Please, never,  _ever_ utter the phrase 'good dicking down' again. Ever."

He laughed, "Whatever you say, kiddo."

"I'm like, four months younger than you, shut up." I laughed, standing and opening my window, trying to clear the scent of weed at least a little bit. I stood there for a few moments, then shrugged and tossed the joint out the window.

"You're retarded," Luke muttered, and I grinned, glancing over at him.

"I know," I murmured, then stretched a bit, yawning. "Y'know what we should make one of these nights?"

"What?"

"Edibles," I chuckled, and he hummed, nodding his head a bit.

"That's.. actually a good idea? I mean, why not? It's convenient," He spoke, and I grinned.

"Fuck yeah. Anyways, I was thinking of heading to the dollar store and fucking shit up. Gonna grab some food. Also, I want to dye my hair."

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you dye your hair while you're high," Luke shook his head, standing up. "You're not high off your ass, but you're such a fucking klutz when you're on the good kush."

"Never talk to me again," I sighed, shaking my head in disappointment. "The good kush? Who are you?"

"Your roommate. You have to deal with me until one of us fuckin' moves. So be nice." Luke chuckled, then held his hand out to me. I took it, and he helped me up. "Get your shoes on, we'll skateboard to the nearest 7-Eleven."

"They don't have hair dye at 7-Eleven," I huffed, and he rolled his eyes, smacking my arm lightly.

"Christ, you're stupid. There's like, a place across the street that we can get your dumb hair dye at. What color you doin', anyways?" Luke raised an eyebrow, and I chuckled as I slipped my shoes on.

"I'm just going to streak my hair red and blue. Like, the tips." I murmured, and he hummed, then nodded.

"That's actually a sick idea. Alright, let's go, bitch."

We walked out after grabbing our skateboards, and I hopped on mine, immediately taking off. "Slow down, bitch!" I heard Luke call, and I chuckled, only increasing my speed. After a while, he caught up, and we skated through town at the same pace. It was roughly three thirty in the morning, which meant it was pretty dark out, and the streets were mostly bare. I grinned,

"WOO!" I yelled loudly, causing Luke to turn his head and stare at me like I was fucking insane.

"Are you fucking insane?"

"Maybe a little bit," I laughed, rolling to a stop as we finally made it to the 7-Eleven. We rested our skateboards against the wall, then walked in, the doorbell dinging as we did so. My eyes immediately landed on the ginger male that sat at the counter, his head slumped over onto it and his eyes shut. I chuckled a bit- he was very obviously asleep. He didn't look any older than seventeen. Why was this guy working such late hours?

I walked into the aisle that had snacks, picking up a little basket on the way. I raked my eyes over the choices, before I eventually threw a bag of Takis in the basket. Let's go with some Hot Cheetos, too, fuck it. Ketchup chips? Were those ketchup chips?

Bitch, yes.

I grabbed them and threw them in, grinning to myself, then walked into the next aisle, running my fingers through my hair. I stared at the sour candies, before literally grabbing like ten different things and tossing them into the basket without even looking.

God, I'm going to absolutely regret this when I wake up in the morning and realize I blew a ton of money on snacks because I was high and couldn't control my temptations, but  _future_ high me is going to be so grateful. You're fuckin' welcome, Lukas. I'm just lookin' out for you, man.

I walked over to the section that had all the drinks, and chewed on my lower lip before I grabbed a couple- okay, a lot- of Gatorades. I would've gone for energy drinks but I didn't feel like having a fucking heart attack.

At this point the basket was incredibly heavy, and as I walked to the counter, I saw Luke's features visibly drop once his eyes landed on me. "Lukas Reed, you cannot be serious. You are not buying all of that."

"Oh, but I am." I chuckled, putting the basket down on the counter and glancing at the dude. "Hey, man. Dude. Fam. Bro." I nudged him slightly, and he shot up, eyes wide.

"What- oh, fuck." He relaxed when he saw it was just customers, and then tensed as he realized what he said. "Oh, I said fuck, I'm sorry, shit. Wait! I just fucking said shi- oh my god."

I laughed, shaking my head. "It's fine, bro, just ring us up and we'll be out of here in no time."

He nodded, and started scanning the shit with narrowed eyes. After a few moments he lifted his gaze and rested it on us. "Are you two high?"

"No, just my retarded friend." Luke shook his head, and I shrugged, grinning.

"What can I say?"

"It's three in the morning," The kid raised an eyebrow, and I shook my head.

"Hey, at least I'm getting high in the morning, not working at a 7-Eleven. Why are you working such late hours, by the way, can I ask?" I spoke, and he shrugged.

"Life is tough," He murmured, "Money's not easy to obtain, what with college and shit."

"You're in college?" My eyebrows furrowed a bit, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-two," He chuckled, and I blinked.

"Dude, you don't look like it.. at all."

"Trust me, I know," He laughed, then pushed his glasses up. They were thick rimmed, and framed his face nicely, their black color contrasting against his pale complexion and bright, green eyes. "I'm Axel, by the way- it's nice to meet you."

"Lukas," I murmured, smiling. "That's my buddy, Luke."

Luke looked up from his phone, "What?"

"Nothing, dumbass," I rolled my eyes, and he flicked me off before returning to his phone.

"So, weed?" Axel raised his eyebrows, and I nodded, chuckling.

"The good kush," I grinned, laughing as Luke reached over and punched my shoulder.

"Oh, so I can't say it, but you can? Hypocritical bitch," He rolled his eyes.

I shrugged, then glanced at Axel again. "What about it?" I asked, and he grinned, glancing at me.

"Oh, nothin, just wondering if a cute boy like you would like to smoke with me one of these days?" His grin seemed hopeful, and I felt my face heat up at the compliment I didn't see coming.

"Got a pen?" I asked, chuckling, and he nodded, reaching over and grabbing one. I grabbed his hand, then wrote my number on the top of it, and my name underneath it. "Text me whenever," I murmured, and he nodded, smiling.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, you got ketchup chips?" Axel's eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at me, and I nodded. " _Ketchup_ chips? We might have to call off the weed day, Lukas. I can't be associated with those who eat ketchup chips."

"Oh fuck you," I laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He smiled, then finished ringing my things up.

"The total is.. a lot of money," He chuckled, spinning the screen.

"God, I'm going to kick myself in the ass for this in the morning." I sighed at my total, which had come out to a hundred and twenty dollars. "But fuck it."

I paid, and then grabbed the bags that were now full of shit, sliding them over my shoulder. "See you soon?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, and Axel chuckled, nodding.

"Definitely. Peace out, weed boy."

"Peace out, sleepy boy."

Luke and I walked out of the 7-Eleven and I grabbed my skateboard, sliding it under my arm. "Well,  _someone_ seems to be taking an interest in you," Luke chuckled, and I rolled my eyes.

"I don't think so," I murmured, walking with him across the street. "Just a friend. Besides, I'm not interested, so it doesn't matter."

"You sure?"

"Luke, I'm not about to rebound the poor guy. Alright? Sure, he's cute, but the facts are that I haven't gotten over  _him_ yet." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "I feel like I won't ever."

"I still talk to the guys, Lukas," Luke murmured, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "I could get you two to hang out again."

"No, I left for a reason." I muttered, glancing down at the ground. "Although it'd be nice to see him again, I can't. It'll make things even worse."

"Whatever you say, Lukas." Luke sighed, and we walked into the store, my eyes stinging a bit because of the bright ass lights. I walked into the hair aisle, sighing and puffing my cheeks out as I did so. I grabbed the dyes, and Luke took my arm, dragging me to the counter so I wouldn't buy anything else. I frowned, but made no comment, watching quietly as the cashier rang them up. I quickly paid, and we left, skateboarding back to the apartment.

Once we got in, I quickly ran to the bathroom, opening the dyes up. Luke followed me, and then put a pair of gloves on. I sat down on the counter, opening a bottle of Gatorade and taking a sip. "Alright, dipshit, how am I doing this?"

I explained to Luke what I wanted- just some random streaks of red and blue. He bit his lip, then sighed. "I apologize in advance if this comes out shittily."

"It's fine, bro," I chuckled, scrunching my nose a bit as he started working the dye in. "Worst case, we go get it fixed."

"Alright, whatever, if you say so. Ugh, this smells like shit." Luke sighed, and I chuckled.

After about fifteen minutes, he stepped away. "Okay, uh, I think.. you're good. Now you have to wait, for.." He glanced at a little paper, which had instructions and shit on it. "For twenty minutes."

Twenty minutes came and passed rather quickly, and soon enough, I was bent over the sink, rinsing the dye out of my hair. I made a slight noise of disgust as I felt it wash out, chuckling when I saw the red and blue rinsing in the sink. I massaged my scalp, trying my best to get it all. Once I figured I had done a good enough job, I turned the faucet off and grabbed a towel, quickly drying my hair. I then looked in the mirror, my smile quickly turning into a grin as I examined myself.

My fluffy, still-slightly-damp, white curls were now streaked with red and blue. They contrasted nicely, but also blended together perfectly. I fuckin' loved it.

I quickly ran out of the room and bounded down the stairs, running into the living room to wrap Luke in a hug. "Luke! My hair looks dope as fuck! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Oh my god," Luke chuckled, hugging me back, "calm down. You're welcome, psycho. Now let me see it." I pulled away from him, and he smiled as he gazed at me, then ruffled my hair. "Dang, I did a damb good job."

"I know," I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair. It was weird to see bits of red and blue when I looked up at the little parts of my hair that I could see. "This is sick."

"Alright, well, I'm going to spend the rest of the night down here. Probably gonna pass out while watching  _The Hobbit,_ " Luke chuckled, walking to the couch and sitting down on it. "You're heading back up, I presume?"

"Yeah. G'night, man!" I grinned, walking back up the stairs.

"Night, fucker."

I walked to my room and shut the door behind me, running my fingers through my hair. I stripped down to just my boxers, then hopped in my bed, grabbing my phone. Y'know, to scroll through shit for about two hours. I burrowed myself under the blankets and bit my lip, frowning a little as I imagined who  _could have_ been right next to me. What my life  _could have_ been like if I wasn't such a coward. How much happier I  _could have_ been if I never walked away.

But it's got to be worth it, because I'm sure he's living his best life without me.

My phone dinged, and I blinked as I realized it was an unfamiliar number.

**unknown, 4:03 am: weed boy?**

I chuckled, adding his number and naming his contact.

**weed boy, 4:03 am: hey, sleepy boy!**

**sleepy boy, 4:04 am: oh thank god. i was afraid you gave me the wrong number on purpose or something**

**weed boy, 4:04 am: nah, i'm not like that, lol**

**sleepy boy, 4:04 am: good to know =)**

**weed boy, 4:05 am: shouldn't you be asleep?**

**sleepy boy, 4:05 am: shouldn't you?**

**weed boy, 4:05 am: it hasn't even hit 4:20 yet, man**

**sleepy boy, 4:06 am: touche, lukas**

**weed boy, 4:06 am: drugs are great, man**

**sleepy boy, 4:06 am: they really are**

**weed boy, 4:07 am: yep. hey look, its.. 407.**

**sleepy boy, 4:08 am: ??**

**weed boy, 4:08 am: nvm, sorry. just.. the time made me remember an old friend of mine.**

**sleepy boy, 4:09 am: oh, alright. so, tell me about yourself, luka? boys or girls? age? relationship status? what you think of me?**

I sighed as I read his messages, rolling my eyes slightly. His questions were definitely making me a little uneasy, considering he could've asked literally anything, and he asked me mostly things that indicated he wanted to see if I was interested. Fucksake, I just wanted to play a damn game. Fucksake, I just wanted to make a damn friend.

**weed boy, 4:10 am: uh, boys. i'm turning twenty-one in three months. i think you're pretty cool.**

**sleepy boy, 4:11 am: that's great =)**

**weed boy, 4:11 am: yea.**

**sleepy boy, 4:12 am: so, got a boy in your life?**

**weed boy, 4:13 am: haha, yeah, of course i do. quite a few, actually. i know of a lot of boys. i know a lot of girls too. i know a lot of people. wbu? how many friends do you ahve?**

**sleepy boy, 4:13 am: well.. of course a lot.. but y'know what i mean right?? ;)**

**weed boy, 4:14 am: oh shit dude i've gotta go. hate to call this short.**

**sleepyboy, 4:15 am: oh, no problems, lukas. talk later?**   
**_read, 4:15 am._ **

I threw my phone down with a sigh, feeling gross and a lot sadder than before. I couldn't even make a friend at this point. What a piece of shit I must be. What is there, a fucking tattoo on my forehead that says "dick me down, daddy"? Christ.

Maybe I was being too hard on the guy. He might be high or something. I don't know. I just want to find something that'll make me happy again. I left everything behind me. Every damn thing I loved, all of it was in the past.

_He_ was in the past.

John was in the past

And although I was the one who chose to walk away, I couldn't help but let a tear trickle down my cheek, as I rested my head against my pillow, my breath quiet. I could feel his arms around me, ghosting my skin, and sending shivers through my spine. Because they weren't real. It wasn't him. It never was. It was all in my head. He wasn't here anymore. It was my fault.

Everything was always my fault.

Although the sickness that plagued the world had died out by now- the sickness  _I_ carried- there was still at least one person that had it.

Me.

And it only ever seemed to get worse.

It played with my heart, now, showing me John when he wasn't really there. Showing me my friends, when they were miles away. Showing me my family, who called my name with teary eyes and love in their voices, who, in reality, didn't even know I was alive.

My mind was being consumed, being lost to the sickness of my plague. Of my own disease. I hope it destroys me. Because really, how beautifully depressing would it be to die due to the thing inside you? Maybe then I can be known for something. For being poetic. For being inspirational. For being anything, anything but the monster that I knew that I was.

I laid there, with tear-stained cheeks and chapped lips, dyed hair and marijuana breath. I laid there, a thousand thoughts in my mind and not a single one comprehensive enough to think further about. I laid there, anxiety-ridden and out of breath from crying. I laid there, my eyelids growing heavy, my scrawny figure curling up into the blankets. I laid there, coughing into my arm, a familiar ache in my lungs. I laid there, hoping that when I finally fell asleep, maybe I wouldn't wake up. I laid there, wishing it'd all be over, and I'd be blissful in nothingness.

Because I'm a monster.

And monsters belong in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possible t/w: intrusive thoughts, lack of self-care?, generally just a piss-poor mental health

**john**

 

In and out, John. In and out. In.. and out. Keep breathing. Breathe. Breathe, John.

_D I R E_

_C O N S E Q U E N C E S_

Breathe. Breathe, John. Breathe. In, and out, in, and out.

_Y O U R_

_F A U L T_

Keep breathing. Ignore the stinging in your eyes. Breathe, John. Breathe.

_Y O U_

_M O N S T E R_

It's alright. You're fine. You're fine? Are you alright? John? Breathe? Are you breathing? Why can't I tell?

_D I E_

_A G A I N_

Look at the colors, John! Red and blue! Purple. They calm you. They always do. Just breathe, John.

_Y O U ' R E_

_F O R G O T T E N_

Ignore these silly words, Johnny. They told you they'd be difficult to deal with sometimes. Where's your meds? Maybe you should just rest.

_F U C K I N G_

_F O O L_

Are Tyler or Jay home? Maybe they can help you. Just call for them, and keep breathing.

_Z O M B I E_

_F R E A K_

These things aren't true, John, and you know that. You know that, right?

I don't know that.

No, I don't know.

_W A S T E_

_O F_

_L I F E_

Never thought my own mind would be my own hell.

_W A S T E_

_O F_

_S P A C E_

"Tyler!?" My hands threw my door open, and I stumbled down the stairs. "Jay!?"

They're not home.

_W A S T E_

_O F_

_L O V E_

Meds. Meds. Meds. Meds. Where are they!?

_B U R N_

Stupid, intrusive thoughts. Stupid. So stupid.

_B U R N_

Suck my dick, fuckers. I'm not listening to you. Breathe. Keep breathing.

_B U R N_

_B U R N_

_B U R N_

I slammed my fist against a counter, shaking as sobs wracked my form. Fuck, I had gone so long without another one of these. Why couldn't I calm down!?

_W E A K_

_W E A K_

_W E A K_

That's not true, John!

How do I know it's not true?

Is it true?

Am I weak?

Fuck, where are my meds?

_F A I L U R E_

I'm not a fucking failure.

Right?

My blurry vision made it incredibly difficult to locate my bottle of pills, and I broke into a cough, groaning. The oh-so familiar color of purple was splattered onto my arm when I tore it away from my mouth, and I groaned as the pounding ache in my head seemed to only grow stronger. The buzzing in my ears only increased my sobs, and I slumped onto the floor, my back against the counter as I curled up.

_W E A K_

No, I'm strong.

_U N L O V E A B L E_

I- I think I can be loved? Do my friends really care? Of course they do.. of course.. right?

_C O W A R D_

I'm not a coward. I'm brave. I..

I..

I'm a coward.

_E M P T Y_

_P O I N T L E S S_

_F U C K - U P_

I know.

I know, I know, I know.

I'm such a freak.

I curled my fingers around my knees as I sobbed, my nails digging into my skin, even through the fabric of my pants. The buzzing in my ears grew louder and louder, and I soon felt arms wrap around me. I ignored it, just sobbing harder as they shook me gently, then rubbed my back. I heard another voice, but I couldn't decipher what they were saying. When the shaking grew harder, I opened my eyes.

Although the world had turned purple- as it always did, during these attacks- I could just make out the shape of two people. A glass of water was soon thrust in front of me as well as something in a hand. I stared, quiet, shaking and not moving an inch. The hand moved towards my face, and as I knew it was directed towards my mouth, I turned my head to the side.

I don't need it.

I don't deserve it.

I deserve to feel this way.

Hands on my shoulder shook me roughly, and I could tell that whoever was talking was upset. I bit my lip, before I sighed. They were making my headache worse. If I complied, maybe it'd go away.

So I took the fucking pill, and I took the stupid water. And then I cried some fucking more. The person held me close, and I sobbed, clutching weakly at the back of their shirt.

_W E A K_

_W E A K_

_W E A K_

_W E A K_

_W E A K_

"I'm weak," I choked, my throat sore and my voice loud and my breath almost absent and my hands clenched and my sides aching and the buzzes terrifying and my head pounding and- and-

"No, you're not," Jay? Jay, that was Jay. "You're not weak, John. It's just another episode. You're not weak for giving in. You're so strong for taking the medicine, okay?"

_F O O L I S H_

"I'm just a fool, that's all I am, that's all I'll ever be." I sobbed, coughing.

_M I S T A K E_

_M O N S T E R_

"Mistake. A mistake and a monster." I continued, pulling away to look at Jay. "That's what I am."

"Jay, his eyes aren't purple anymore," Tyler- wait, Tyler? Yeah, yeah, that's Tyler- whispered, and I glanced at him, shaking. "Well.. maybe not. They're almost normal."

"John, just breathe, alright?" Jay rubbed my back, and I sniffled, trying to focus on my breathing. That's what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to do that whenever I heard my thoughts- the bad ones- again. I tried doing that this time. It didn't work.

_M O N S T E R_

I leaned my head back with a sigh, shutting my eyes as the buzzing finally stopped. I was left acutely aware of my shaky form, of my pounding headache and eyes that still leaked tears. "John? You back?"

"I was here the whole time, asshole," I huffed, opening my eyes to glance at Tyler, who had spoken. "Not my fault I can't control this fucking disease."

"Doc said the last one should've been the last one," Jay murmured, and Tyler seemed a little relieved as he looked into my eyes. I knew they had gone back to their normal state- whenever I suffered from another episode, apparently my eyes always turned purple.

"Well, Doc was wrong," I muttered, glancing at the floor. "What does he know, anyways? We're talking about a white-coat disease. Not like a guy with the name of Dr. Streinz should know a damn thing about that. God, he's an uppity prick, as it is. Can we get me a new doctor?"

"John, he's the most expensive Doctor we could find," Tyler chuckled. "He's our best bet."

"He rubs me the wrong way," I sighed, but stood up, taking the glass of water and sipping at it.

"We should probably go see him. Like, now. He always said that we're welcome to come in the case of an emergency."

"I don't want to." I muttered, which resulted in sighs from the both of them.

"John, you've gotta go, man." Jay murmured, and I threw my hands up, feeling a little pissed off.

"Fine! Whatever, I don't fucking care. We're taking Bella, we're going, and when we get back home you two can fucking leave me alone." I muttered, and quickly walked to the door, slamming it shut. I sighed as I walked down the hallway, my eyes squinting slightly as they took in the bright light from the sun shining through the window at the end of the hall. I bounded down the steps, then out through the front door, until I saw Bella, sitting in front of the house patiently. I threw the driver's door open, and sat in my car, waiting quietly.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, and started scrolling through messages. Messages from.. from Lukas, from before we broke up, but after we found him again.

**johnnieboi, 6:01 am: baby why are yo uawake? lmao**

**lukass, 6:01 am: shi t i thoght you were asleep. cany ou come downstairs? i was trying to make a cake, so i'd surprise you (cus you always freakin wake up late) but.. i uh.. am having ddifficulties.**

**johnnieboi, 6:02 am: oh my god you fucking dork!! you're so sweet, baby**

**johnnieboi, 6:02 am: yes ofc, just.. it'll tkae a bit bc of my knees**

**lukass, 6:03 am: i know, love, that's ok. i'm waiting at the bottom of the stairs with cake batter tho. ;)**

**johnnieboi, 6:03 am: gOTTA BLAST DOWN**

**johnnieboi, 6:04 am: aweo iME LAWEF KMew ije,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,**

**lukass, 6:06 am: HOHN OH MY GOD I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO RUN AND ALMOST FFALL AND DIE**

**johnnieboi, 6:06 am: i go t the cake abtter tho didnt i lol**

**lukass, 6:07 am: yes, now finish eating that so we can figure out the rest of the cake stuff**

**johnnieboi, 6:07 am: wanna share?**

**lukass, 6:08 am: baby i'm right i nfront of you, why are you holding your spoon in your mouth and texting me when you can use your voice**

**johnnieboi, 6:09 am: why are you texting back?**

**johnnieboi, 6:09 am: ... you stole my spoon :(**

**johnnieboi, 6:10 am: well now i won't ever ever ever ever talk again!!**

**johnnieboi, 6:12 am: the fact that you've been pleading with me for the past two mintues to talk again but i haven't said a word must say smthn right**

**lukass, 6:13 am: bb im sryyy :( luv me pls.**

**johnnieboi, 6:13 am: hmm...**

**johnnieboi, 6:16 am: OK OK OK BUTTERCUP I GET IT STOP KISSING ME**

**lukass, 6:16 am: why'd you text that !?!**

**johnnieboi, 6:19 am: so i could kiss my baby back**

**lukass, 6:19 am: my heart ! <? !? ok ok lets get baking ok, phoenix?**

**johnnieboi, 6:20 am: okay angel**

I shut my phone off and slid it into my pocket when I saw Jay and Tyler approach. They got in the car, and I immediately pulled out of the parking space, driving away without another word.

 

•

 

"So tell me, John, what happened exactly?" Dr. Streinz' cold voice filled the otherwise silent room, and I anxiously fidgeted with my rings as I stared at the floor.

"It was the same thing as normal," I sighed. "Can't breathe, thoughts start rolling in, try to fight them, can't. I broke down."

"And your eyes?"

"Purple, like always."

"Interesting," He hummed, and I felt shivers run down my spine. God, there was something about that man that I did  _not_ like. I glanced up at him, and the way his eyes stared into me, as if I was less than a human and more of an object, only made me uneasier. "Tell me, John, have you suffered from loss recently?"

"Uhm, no, not since before I started seeing you," I answered, a little uncomfortable that my doctor was asking such personal questions. He sat down in his chair, and my eyes observed his face- he looked young. Young to the point where he was too young to have such a job. I didn't question it, of course, but every time I saw him, my suspicions grew worse and worse. "Why?"

"Well, it looks like you're struggling with something. We don't know very much about this disease, of course, so it might like to involve trauma from past experiences. Can you explain for me, John, what you've been through lately?" He pushed his glasses up his nose, and I bit my lip.

"I'm uh, I'm sorry, Dr. Streinz, I thought you were my doctor.. not my therapist." I murmured, trying my best to tell him I didn't want to, without being so blunt.

"We can pretend, yeah?" Dr. Streinz stood up and shut the door, going so far as to lock it, and I felt the anxiety that was clawing in my chest start to scratch harder. "Just vent to me, John- it works wonders."

"Doctor, I really don't feel comfortable.." His eyes met mine and I found myself growing quiet. It was like he had frozen me shut, like he had simply stapled my lips together. I couldn't talk, although I wanted to. His lips crinkled up into a toothy smile, one that only coursed fear through me.

Get me out of this fucking office.

"Now, John, have you lost anyone close to you recently? Perhaps, uh.. a pet, or.. a source of inspiration, or.. a partner?"

My eyebrows furrowed as my eyes met his. "Uh, yeah, I guess. I wouldn't call it losing, though. At least, not recently. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a few months back. Asides from that, no." Damn, did it hurt to refer to Lukas as my ex, even though I hadn't seen him in months. It still stung. It really fucking did.

His face remained almost blank as he gazed at me, but I recognized something in his eyes. It was.. excitement? As if he was finally catching on to something, as if there were missing pieces of a puzzle he was putting together and I had just provided him an important piece. "Any idea, by chance, where he is?"

What fucking question was that?

First of all, no, I don't know. Secondly, why in God's fucking name would you need to know?

"I don't understand why you'd need to know that," I murmured uneasily. "Doctor, this, uh, isn't helping."

"John, I'd like you to answer my question." Dr. Streinz' muttered, and I shook my head.

"I don't know, Doctor." I sighed, tearing my gaze off of him. "Can we move on now?"

"I suppose. As for your condition, I'm not sure why it's not stopped. How was this one, in comparison to the others?" He asked, and I glanced over at him again.

"So much worse."

"Unfortunate," He hummed, scribbling on his notepad. I doubt the man had any idea what he was writing down. "In what ways?"

"The buzzing was louder, to where I could  _barely_ hear anyone else.. uhm, the.. the purple filter was.. more opaque, I guess, uh.. I started shaking this time, and my head was fucking pounding." I mumbled, playing with my rings again.

"Okay. We can run more tests, if you'd like?" He raised an eyebrow, a hopeful sort of gleam in his eye. I didn't like it.

"Must we?"

"Well, I could give you a higher dosage of meds.. but they don't seem to be working. And to give you a new prescription.."

"Yeah, more tests, I got the memo. Just.. sign me up for the latest time you have."

"I'll get back to you on that, alright?"

"Great. Can I leave now?"

"Certainly.. it was nice seeing you, John, despite the circumstances." He stood up and unlocked the door, opening it for me. As my eyes met his again, I could practically feel my insides turn to ice.

"Wish I could say the same," I murmured, then made my way down the hall. I walked out of the building, not caring that Jay and Tyler jumped out of their seats immediately. "You two retards didn't have to wait for me, y'know."

"You were our ride home, though, John." Tyler chuckled, and I rolled my eyes.

"Uber still exists, dipshit." I huffed, walking to Bella and opening the drivers door, then quickly getting in. "Leave me to myself when we get to the apartment, will you two?"

"Yeah, whatever. Listen, we're going to go and hang out tonight- um, Tyler and I-" Jay spoke, and I interrupted him.

"You're going on a date?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, and driving away from the dumb hospital.

"Uh..." Jay trailed off, and Tyler sighed.

"Yeah."

"Finally," I muttered, chuckling a bit.

"But it's just a date!" He said, "We're not, like, in a relationship, or anything."

"Not yet, anyways," I smiled, glancing behind me for a few seconds and noticing the way their hands were only inches apart in the backseat, despite them being on completely different ends. "Fucksake, you two, just hold hands. No homo it, or something. Stop being middle schooler pussies."

We quickly pulled up in front of the house, and I hopped out of the car. Tyler shut the door a little too roughly for my liking, and I glared at him. "Hey, prick! Be gentle with her!"

He rolled his eyes, and started walking to the apartment. I flicked him off, beating both him and Jay to the entrance. I walked up the stairs to our room, while those two took the elevator- probably to stare at each other in an awkward silence for the entire ride. Fuckin' nerds.

I walked in, and shut the door behind me, making sure not to lock it because I knew damn well neither of them remembered to bring their keys. I kicked my shoes off, grabbed an energy drink from the fridge- which I was becoming addicted to- and walked up the stairs to my room. I shut the door, grinning when I saw Luka curled up on the edge of the bed, sleeping soundly. "Pretty boy," I cooed, although I knew he was asleep and couldn't hear me. I set my energy drink down, then sat down on the bed, trying not to wake him up. Of course, though, he did.

Once he looked at me, he immediately jumped up and pounced on me, licking my face all over. I giggled, petting him and trying to get him to calm down a bit. "Hey, baby! How's my boy? I love you too, you doofus, oh my god- Luka, ew! You just made out with me!" I wrinkled my face up a bit, laughing as he jumped off of my bed and just started running around the room. "Luka, what's gotten into you? Why are you so excited?"

He soon sat down and just stared at me, and I laughed, patting my legs. He immediately jumped up again and onto my lap, resulting in a groan from me, because he was far too big to be doing that. But I let him, anyways, because he was my little sweetheart. I kissed the top of his head, petting him and trying to get him to calm down a little. "Aren't you just the prettiest husky pupper in the whole world? You're only a little over a year. My pretty little Luka, hmm?" He soon rolled off of me, but settled next to me, curling up a little and resting his head on my lap. I ran my fingers through his fur, smiling.

"Do you ever miss Lukas, bub?" I asked, watching as he glanced at me. "Do you even remember him? Oh, there's no way you don't, you loved him too much." I sighed, leaning back against the headboard of my bed, running my fingers through my hair. "I miss him, too. I think I miss him a little too much."

Luka whined, and he shifted, cuddling closer to me. I smiled, ignoring the stinging in my eyes as I thought of Lukas. "He was so lovely, Luka." I murmured, shutting my eyes and frowning as I felt tears run down my cheeks. "He was elegant, and graceful- he was reckless, and brave- he was kind, and caring- he was passionate, and perseverant- he was handsome, and gorgeous- he was, um, he was Lukas."

I knew I was talking for me, more than I was for Luka, but it hurt a little less when I said the words and pretended I wasn't trying to make it easier on me.

"I just hope he's alright," I whispered, sniffling a little, "because I know I'm not."

No, in fact, I was worse than I had ever been.

And all I wanted was to be okay.

But we can't always get what we want.


	3. Chapter 3

**lukas**   
  
  


_There he is. He's right there, Lukas. He's finally here again. For you._

That's not him. He's not really there. The image of John, tears in his eyes with arms outstretched, was absolutely staged. I could tell, because of the purple tint on his skin, on his hair, in his eyes, on his clothes, and of the aura that surrounded him. And yet my breathing stopped, and my eyes teared, and I began to shake; for these hallucinations, which I always believed were fake at first, always got to me. Always.

_Look. John's back. He's sorry._

"Lukas?" He called, running his fingers through his hair. Light bounced off of his rings and into my eyes, and I squinted them, tripping over my words as I scooted back against the wall, wrapping my blankets around me.

"You're n-not real," I whispered, almost crying at the pain I felt when I saw the look of hurt on John's face. I shook my head, "You're not real, you're not real, you're not real."

"Of course I'm real," He murmured, taking a few steps forward. I curled into the blankets, and he stepped back, concern in his eyes. He was concerned. He didn't want to hurt me. But he- he wasn't real, right? "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Y-You're purple," I spoke, raking my eyes over him again. He was indeed purple. Purple, and nothing but it. "My John- my John isn't purple."

"You're being silly," He cooed, and then reached forward, resting his hand on my knee. I felt it, I felt him, I felt where his hand was, I felt his skin against mine and I wanted to cry, and then I did, I cried, I cried and I did nothing but it. His touch, which was usually comforting, was so unfamiliar and cold, but it was- it was John. "Oh, don't cry, buttercup."

And I sobbed harder- buttercup. Buttercup, something I craved to hear him call me again, but it sounded foreign. As if he had no right to be calling me that. "I'm not  _your_ buttercup," I choked, my sobs growing louder as he sat beside me, pulling me against him. My head fell against his chest, and I swore I could hear his heart, gently beating. But I couldn't be sure. "I'm  _John's_ buttercup."

"I'm John, silly," He sighed, rubbing my back. I squirmed, trying to get out of his grasp, because every time he touched me it hurt, his fingers always left purple marks on my skin. He held me tighter against him, and I whimpered, already feeling the burning sensation of where his fingertips grazed against me.

"No, no you're not," I shook my head, desperately trying to pull myself away. "John wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm not hurting you," He smiled, kissing my forehead, and I collapsed, feeling too weak to struggle any longer as my body shook with sobs. "I'm curing you."

"You're a liar," I whispered, weak groans of pain escaping from between my lips as his fingers dragged down my chest, back and forth, over and over in the same spot. Every time he went over it, the pain only intensified, and my breathing grew quick and shallow as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I would never lie to you, Lukas," He cooed, his voice bitterly sweet, and I shut my eyes, my fingers curling into fists.

"You're a  _liar_ ," I repeated, and suddenly the pain grew stronger. I shot my eyes open, and his fingers were pressing harshly into my skin, dragging down my chest roughly instead of the gentle tracing they had previously been doing. I bit my lip, attempting to mask the pain I felt.

_"Don't call me a liar,"_ He hissed, and my vision became blurry as more tears gathered in my eyes. "You're weak, Lukas. I'm not hurting you. You just think I am."

I shook my head, glancing down at my bare chest and whimpering when I noticed the purple. "P-Please, stop," I whispered, "you're scaring me."

"Good," John- not John- maybe John- John?- I don't know- I don't know if that's John- John?- Please don't be John- not John- not John- John?- chuckled, and his fingers were around my neck now, tracing it.

"S-Stop it," I started struggling again, trying to get him off of me, but his grip tightened and I sobbed, the salty taste of tears in my mouth as I kept my lips parted, finding it growing harder and harder to breathe. "Stop!  _STOP!"_

Panicking was all I could do as his grip tightened, and suddenly he was even more purple than before, but so was everything else, and there was a vignette on my vision now, one which was steadily growing larger and larger. "You're a fucking monster," He spat, and I sobbed, my hands weakly gripping at his arm, trying to pry it off of me.

"GET OFF!" I shouted, my voice breaking as he tightened his grip once more, his fingernails digging into my neck. His other hand reached forward and wiped the tears off my cheeks, a wide smile on his face, a smile that was toothy, a smile that was formed with ease, a smile that was wicked, a smile that was terrifying, a smile that certainly did not belong to John.

"You are weak," He muttered, "You are unwanted, and you are a waste of space, of love and of life. You're a monster, Lukas Reed, can't you see?"

I could barely see him, I could barely breathe, I could barely speak. My hands fell limp at my sides, as I was unable to keep them up any longer. "L-Leave me alone," I begged, feeling the tears come flowing again. "Please."

He suddenly squeezed my neck incredibly tight, so tight that I thought I was going to die, then and there, and that I would be over, gone, just like that. Then the door was opened and the lights were on and he was gone and I was coughing up blood, coughing up so much blood I thought well, maybe since that didn't kill me, this was a sign I'd surely be dying now.

"Lukas!? What the fuck!?" A voice broke through the silent room, and this time it belonged to Luke. He sat down next to me and I fell into his arms, sobbing as my body- my entire form- shook. He rubbed my back, and I flinched as his fingers ran over the marks John- not-John- had left on me. He pulled away, and turned his head, looking at my back with furrowed eyebrows. "What happened!?"

I opened my mouth to speak, to begin to even try to explain what happened, but I couldn't. It was still so hard to breathe. He took me into his arms again and hummed softly, trying to calm me down, rubbing senseless shapes into the unmarked portions of my back.

A whole lot of time passed until I was calm again, until I could breathe again, and until I was stable again. I pulled away, and Luke gazed at me, a look of absolute worry in his eyes. "What happened?" He asked, his voice soft, and I sniffled as his eyebrows slowly furrowed again, his eyes meeting mine. "Lukas, your.. eyes?"

"What about them?" I sniffled, and he seemed confused,

"They're.. purple. Both.. of them." He pulled out his phone and quickly handed it to me, the front-facing camera on the screen so I could look at my eyes. And, sure enough, they were.

"I don't know," I whispered, and he took his phone back, sighing.

"Talk, Lukas."

"I.. I've been having, um.. these- these hallucinations," I confessed, and his gaze didn't falter as he frowned. "They can be.. scary. I see- I see everyone, like.. all of our.. old friends, and my family, but.. I always see John. And he- he always hurts me, but this time- this time was the worst." I felt myself tearing up again as I remembered what he did, what he said and how he looked. How unfamiliar he was. How fucking terrifying he was.

"He..  _hurt_ you? That's what these marks are? How did a hallucination touch you?"

"I don't fucking know," I whispered, hugging my knees to my chest, "but it always happens, and it's so scary. He hurts me, and he doesn't care- he's doing it on purpose, and he tells me I'm a monster, and a waste, and that nobody loves me. But he always calls me a monster. And then he hurts me, but it's never this bad. I think I could have died. He choked me."

Luke ran his fingers through his hair. "How long have these been happening?"

"Since about a month after I broke up with him."

"Lukas fucking Reed," He groaned, "why didn't you say anything?"

"I.." I searched for an answer, and then realized I didn't have one. At least, not a very good one. "I don't know."

He sighed, and then pulled me into a hug again. He ran his fingers through my hair, and I shut my eyes, calming down a little bit more. "You're able to tell it's not him when it's happening, right?"

"Sometimes," I murmured. "But sometimes I just.. I get so confused. And then.. then he starts hurting me, and I realize it isn't him. But it's still so scary. Because I'm watching- experiencing- the man who I can't help but  _still_ love destroy me."

"I understand," Luke sighed. "Lukas, we should probably see a doctor about this."

I chuckled, although there wasn't even a lick of humor behind it. "And tell them what, I got beaten up by my ex-boyfriend who wasn't even there, in a confrontation that was made up in my head?"

"Surely there's.. like.. supernatural doctors? People who might be able to figure out what's happening?" He shrugged, and I sniffled, yawning.

"I think it has something to do with the disease, which I have yet to rid myself of. It's like, always here, it's a part of me now- but it's okay sometimes, and then other times it's completely unbearable."

"We'll figure it out, Luka. Okay? I promise," He sighed, and I nodded, opening my eyes. He gazed down at me, and then leaned forward, kissing my forehead. It was a brotherly embrace, one that made me feel loved and safe, one that told me that even though I was a fucking mess, Luke would always be there for me. And it almost brought me to tears. I hated him for almost three years, and how he's my best friend- he's my brother. God, I would  _literally_ be dead without him.

It's hard to look at him sometimes, because of the scars that litter his skin. Luke was a tough guy, he took nobody's shit but he dealt no harm, either- unless absolutely necessary, of course. He did what he had to do, even when it was incredibly difficult, and I respected him for that. There was no doubt in  my mind that he struggled with himself, but I admired the shit out of him. Genuinely, he was like the big brother I never had, and I cared about him more than I  _ever_ thought I would have.

Suddenly I realized how heavy my eyes were, and how tired I was. Luke chuckled, "We can discuss this more in the morning, alright, bro? You clearly need rest, though. If you're still sore, you can take a quick shower- I'll make you some hot tea."

I nodded, weakly pulling myself out of his grip. "I- um, I'd like that, if it's not too much of a bother."

"Lukas, I suggested it," He chuckled. "Don't worry. Just calm down a little, relax, and when you get out you'll have a nice tea to help you fall asleep. I care about you, Luka, I just want to make sure you're alright."

"I know you care," I smiled, wiping at my eyes. "Maybe a little too much sometimes." He glared at me, and my smile grew. "I'm joking, I'm joking. But no, really, thank you, Luke. For everything you've been doing for me."

"Thank you for giving me a second chance, all those months ago." He smiled. "I owe almost everything to you."

"That's not true. Anyways, we'll end up arguing over this, so I'm going to take a shower, then." I stood up, stretching a little. He nodded,

"Alright. I'll be downstairs when you get out." Luke ruffled my hair a bit, and then walked out of the room, quietly shutting the door. I walked to my closet, yawning again as I grabbed some pajamas. What time was it? It was.. five a.m. I had only gotten an hour of sleep before I woke up with that hallucination.

I sighed, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door. I undressed, then hopped in the shower, quickly turning the water on. I made sure it was hot before I stepped into the stream, taking comfort in the way it felt against my skin. I could literally fall asleep underneath this water, if I really wanted to, but that probably wouldn't be the best of ideas.

I washed my body, trying to cleanse it of the tingling feeling of John's hands on mine, the burning sensation which had never really left. I cleaned thoroughly, watching bubbles gather on my skin. I washed my hair, then rinsed off.

When I finished, I shut the water off and stepped out, immediately wrapping myself up in a towel. I shivered a bit, feeling cold, then glanced in the mirror. My eyes weren't purple anymore, but the countless marks all over my body were. And they weren't appealing- they weren't like, a hickey purple. They were dark, and cracking, and grayish, and gross. They'd probably start bleeding in the morning.

I dried myself off, then slipped into the pajamas I had picked out, immediately feeling nice and cozy in them. I waltzed downstairs, and in the kitchen, Luke sat at the table, his face buried in a book. Once he noticed me, he immediately glanced up, flipping the book over to keep the page he was on. "Hey, Luka, how was the shower?"

"Nice," I murmured, smiling as he went to grab my tea. "And definitely needed."

"So you're feeling better, then?" He asked, turning and handing my tea to me. I took it from him with a grateful nod, humming a little thank you as I listened to him speak. "I mean, you certainly look cozy in those PJ's."

I nodded, smiling and sipping at my tea. It was hot, but not too hot, and was definitely relaxing. "I've felt better," I admitted, "but I've definitely found worse."

"Well, go upstairs, get your sleep. I'll be down here, reading until I pass the fuck out. So if you need anything, either shoot a text or just call my name. Okay man?" He glanced at me.

"Yeah. Thanks again, Luke, for all of this." I leaned forward and hugged him, being careful to not spill my tea, and he hugged me back.

"No problem, man. Now go to bed, idiot." He chuckled, pulling away from me, and I nodded, smiling.

"Alright." I made my way back up to my room, holding onto my mug of tea and sipping at it every so often. I set the tea on my bedside drawer, then shut the lights off and shut my door, walking to my bed and slipping underneath the covers. I shifted onto my side, so I could easily move over and sip at my tea when I wanted it. I hugged the blankets to my chest, already shutting my eyes. Although I was still incredibly uneasy, I was unbelievably exhausted, and I fell asleep in no time.

 

•

 

I awoke with a dull headache, and my eyes stung when I opened them, my room bright due to the sun. It's rays cast through my window beautifully, shining down on my hardwood floors, and I could see the dust and particles floating through the air where they passed through the rays. I shifted, awkwardly reaching for my phone, and checked the time. Noon. Luke had let me sleep in. Bless that man.

I rubbed my eyes, sitting up and running my fingers through my hair. I frowned a little, feeling sore in my neck and back. I sighed, then pushed myself up, climbing out of bed. I put my phone in my pocket, and then walked out of the room. I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, smiling a little when I saw Luke at the stove, making pancakes. He glanced over at me, then smiled. "Hey, bro. How you feelin'?"

"Better, I guess." I murmured, walking and grabbing a glass out of the cupboard. I pulled the jug of orange juice out of the fridge and poured myself some. "I'm still sore, of course, and I haven't checked the marks yet. How's my neck looking?" I glanced at him.

He frowned, "It looks worse than it did last night."

"Not surprised," I murmured, capping the orange juice and moving it to the middle of the table for easy access when I needed to refill it. I took a sip, then spoke again. "It's always worse a while later."

"How worse?" He asked, and I sat down, pulling my phone out before I glanced at him.

"They start bleeding sometimes," I admitted, and he sighed.

"Let me know if they do," Luke murmured, and I blinked when he set a plate of pancakes in front of me, already covered in syrup. "I can take care of them better than you can, y'know."

"Since when? And thanks," I raised an eyebrow, sipping my orange juice again. He nodded, putting a bowl of fruit salad in front of me, too. I almost immediately started picking at it. I was a sucker for fruit. Especially watermelon. And he knew that, considering the large ratio of watermelon to the rest of the fruit.

A few moments later, he sat down across from me, with his own food. I started eating the pancakes as I waited for him to speak. He sat in silence for a few seconds, then sighed. "Damn. Forgot my water. I knew I was forgetting something. And since always, for your information." He stood up again, then grabbed his glass of water off the counter.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Luke, you have terrible memory," I glanced at him as he sat down once again, and took a few bites of his food. Once he realized what I said, his head shot up and he glared at me. I took a sip of my orange juice as I gazed at him.

"I do not," He murmured through his food, and I coughed, choking on my orange juice.

"Ew, you fuckhead, close your mouth when you talk." I scrunched my nose up after I caught my fucking breath and stopped choking, shaking my head at him. He laughed,

"You're such a sissy."

"It's  _gross_ ," I huffed, eating more of my watermelon. I blinked, then stuck my tongue out at him with the watermelon in my mouth, trying to prove my point, and he only laughed.

"No, you're just a fuckin' pussy." Luke chuckled, and I swallowed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm a pussy, even though I kicked ass with my purple pussy-popping powers." I raised an eyebrow, and he broke into laughter.

"I called your dumb abilities 'purple pussy-popping powers'  _once,_ stop fucking holding it against me! I was drunk!" He struggled to talk through his laughter, and I grinned, sipping my juice.

"Dude, I have it on video. You're never going to hear the end of my purple pussy-popping powers, not until I die. And even then, I'll haunt you about them from beyond the grave." I laughed as he started laughing harder. He coughed, and then went to grab his water, but swiped it off the table, like the dumbass that he was. I stared at it, and it stopped midair- I had stopped it with my powers.

"Thank fuck for your powers," He let out a long sigh, then grabbed the glass, and I let go of my hold on it. He took a long drink from it, and I ate my pancakes, enjoying the shit out of them. Eventually he put his glass down again, and then glanced at me. "Alright, so can we talk about those hallucinations now?"

"I told you what they were last night," I muttered, toying with my fork and twirling it in my fingers as I gazed at him. "They come sometimes, and it's unfortunately real."

"Can we even call them hallucinations, then?" Luke sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Alright. What happens? Apart from the obvious, do you notice anything that's different? Anything that tells you it's not real?"

"The hallucinations themselves, I guess. They're.. colored. Like, for example, if I saw  _you.._ I wouldn't see you normally," I murmured, shifting in my seat a little. "You would be, uh, purple. Like.. all of you."

He slowly blinked, gazing at me with a thoughtful expression, his lips puckered a little as he was most likely going over what I had said. "Is that why your eyes turned purple?" He asked, shifting in his seat, and I shrugged.

"Hell if I know," I said, pushing my plate away from me as I had finished my pancakes, and taking my fruit salad to pick at it some more. "It makes sense, though. Well, not from a scientific standpoint, but considering the situation, it's the best guess."

He stood up, and grabbed my plate, putting it in the sink, along with his. I thanked him, watching as he sat back down again, his eyebrows furrowed. "So you said you weren't up for a doctor, then?"

I shook my head, "Definitely not. It doesn't make sense. None of them would believe me."

"Yeah, I know, I just.. don't know what to make of this." Luke frowned, and I ran my fingers through my hair, shrugging.

"It's alright, man. I'll figure it out, I guess," I sighed, chewing on my lower lip a little. "Anyways, don't you have to be down by the pizza place in like, fifteen minutes?"

"Yeah, I do," Luke frowned, "God, I hate my job."

"I still don't understand why you didn't take up any of the boy's offers on editing for them, or even recording with them so you could start YouTube up again." I muttered, popping another piece of watermelon into my mouth. "Surely that's hella more enjoyable than making pizzas all day."

"I'm sure it is," He said. "Honestly, I think I'm going to head over to the apartment one of these days and see if any of them are still interested. I could take you with me?" He smiled, and I rolled my eyes.

"Definitely not coming with." I murmured.

"Worth a shot," He shrugged.

"But seriously, you should do that. I hate the mood you're in whenever you get off," I frowned.

"If they say no- I'm sure one of them will say yes- then I'll figure something out. Maybe you can teach me graphic design?" Luke grinned, and I rested my elbows on the table, propping my face up with my hands.

"I can't just  _teach_ graphic design, Luke," I chuckled. "It takes practice. Lots of it."

"Can't believe you make money off of putting words and symbols together," He shook his head. "Anyone could do that."

"Hey, asshole, watch your mouth," I narrowed my eyes at him. I hated it when people said shit like that. Yeah, cause it's  _real_ easy, working your ass off and spitting out design after design, 98% of which aren't used.

"I'm joking, I'm joking," He chuckled, walking over to me and ruffling my hair. I smiled, but smacked his arm, trying to get him off of me. He laughed, pulling away.

I glanced up at him, then pointed at the door. "Go to work, before you're late and you get fired, you crusty whore."

"Crusty whore, huh?" He chuckled, walking to the door. "That's a new one." I walked after him so I could lock up. He opened the door, grabbing his skateboard. "Alright, I'm off at seven, should be home by seven-thirty. I'm gonna stop and pick some things up after work."

"Alright, alright," I chuckled. "Go kick those pizza's asses, brother."

Luke smiled, then got on his skateboard. "Alright. Shoot me a text if something happens."

"Okay, okay, Luke, Christ. Go!" I waved my hand at him, shooing him away, and he took off, waving. When he was out of sight, I shut the door and locked it. I walked back into the kitchen and refilled my orange juice, then put the jug of it into the fridge. I grabbed my phone and glass, then walked up to my room.

I opened the door, and set my glass on my desk, turning my computer on. I sat down in my seat, swiveling in my chair a little as it booted up. I scooted forward and typed my password in, then quickly opened Chrome, heading to my e-mails. I tapped on the newest one, taking a sip from my glass as I read it over.

**from: jaayybusiness.gmail.com**

**subject: Graphic Design Offer**

**Hello!**

**I'm Jason, more commonly known by my internet alias as QwertyJaayy. I was wondering if you'd be interested in creating a professional channel icon and banner for my YouTube? I'd be more than happy to work with your prices. I've created a rough (very, very rough) drawing of what I'd like. Attached to this e-mail are some sketches of what I'm thinking of. I'm looking forward to working with you, (if you'll accept my offer, of course.)**

**Thank you for your time!**

**-Jason**

I stared at my screen, stunned. My mind was slow, taking a moment to really process who had e-mailed me.

Jay.

I missed him.

I missed him a lot.

I opened up a new tab, quickly going onto YouTube. I searched for his username, then found his channel. I clicked the newest video, watching as it loaded up and started playing.

_"This thing on?"_ I heard Jay speak, the video a mere black screen, and I frowned, feeling my eyes tear up.

_"Jay, are you retarded?"_ That was Tyler.  _"Of course it's on, we can all hear you."_

_"Yeah, it's just on too fucking loud,"_ David laughed.

_"Kiss my ass, Nogla,"_ Jay muttered. The video switched over to a white screen, and I realized they were playing an online rendition of the notorious Cards Against Humanity.

_"Start the game already!"_ Tyler complained.

Another voice spoke, and I felt my breath hitch.  _"Tyler, you can shut your redneck mouth."_ John. That was John.

The game started, and John read the black card. I watched the video, feeling tears run down my cheeks. I couldn't help but laugh at the funny moments, and when it was over, I was left with an overwhelming abundance of different emotions. I hit subscribe, and liked the video, scrolling to the description to find the links to the other boy's channels. I subscribed to them all, and then clicked on one of John's solo videos, letting it play while I went back into my e-mails.

**REPLY?**

I tapped the button, and it loaded up the box for me to type into. I quickly did so.

**to: jaayybusiness.gmail.com**

**from: smii7y.graphics.gmail.com**

**Jason,**

**Hi! I'd be honored to work with you. I'm sure I can produce a more-detailed rough of what you'd like, and we can go from there. My price will depend on the complexity of the designs, and such, but I'm happy to work with your price range, whatever that may be. Give me a few hours and I'll send some rough copies your way. If, at any point, you no longer want to work with me, that's fine, just let me know before I produce the final copies, please. Thank you! Here's to a positive relationship.**

**-SMii7Y**   
  


**SEND?**

I tapped the button.

**SENT.**

I leaned back in my seat and sighed, then shifted, loading up my college website. I went into my assignments, groaning when I read what I had to do. "Stupid fucking me, trying to finish an education I never even wanted as a teenager." I went to work, getting distracted often due to the fact that I had John's videos playing in another window. It was incredibly difficult to listen to, to hear him and the boys so happy, but I was glad I had found their channels again. Maybe I'd start uploading again.

Actually, that does sound fun.

I sighed, opening up Discord, and heading into a server with my dumb friends- who I had met playing a game of CS:GO.

**whatever the fuck this is**

**#general**

**johnontheradio, 11:48 am: thYERE TurNIGN the FORGS gay**

**fitz,11:48 am: it's not as funny when you fucking type it out, toby**

**johnontheradio, 11:49 am: nobody fucking asked you, fitz**

**mccreamy, 11:51 am: could you two stfu for five minutes**

**swagger, 11:59 am: john i need a new coil for my vape**

**johnontheradio, 12:00 pm: why do i need to know this**

**swagger, 12:00 pm: buy me one**

**johnontheradio, 12:00 pm: no ??**

**swagger, 12:01 pm: fuck you**

**smii7y, 1:56 pm: hey whores, do you have youtubes?**

**johnontheradio, 1:56 pm: yes, fitz has the most subs and we all ride his dick to success**

**fitz, 1:56 pm: you literally said it before i could, wtf, john**

**johnontheradio, 1:57 pm: tough luck, bitch**

**smii7y, 1:58 pm: wait do you record our games?**

**fitz, 1:59 pm: maybe**

**fitz, 1:59 pm: yes**

**smii7y, 2:00 pm: all of them?**

**fitz, 2:00 pm: most of em**

**smii7y, 2:00 pm: wtf**

**swagger, 2:01 pm: how did you not know this, smitty**

**smii7y, 2:01 pm: nobody fucking told me ??**

**smii7y, 2:01 pm: ok well anyways i have a youtube, i just haven't uploaded in ... literal years**

**mccreamy, 2:01 pm: how many subs do you have?**

**smii7y, 2:02 pm: like, 100k but they all think i'm dead**

**fitz, 2:02 pm: huh**

**johnontheradio, 2:02 pm: i hit 100k like two days ago wtf**

**smii7y, 2:02 pm: how long you been in the game for?**

**johnontheradio, 2:03 pm: 8 months**

**smii7y, 2:03 pm: WHAT**

**smii7y, 2:03 pm: YOU HIT 100K IN 8 MONTHS**

**fitz, 2:04 pm: what can i say, he's good at blowjobs**

**johnontheradio, 2:04 pm: fuck off, fitz**

**swagger, 2:04 pm: the funny thing is that fitz says it as a joke but we all know toby really does suck him off**

**zuckles, 2:04 pm: they suck each other off, swaggah**

**fitz, 2:05 pm: zuck where did you even come from**

**smii7y, 2:05 pm: this groupchat is a fucking disaster**

**smii7y, 2:05 pm: my youtube is SMii7Y**

**smii7y, 2:05 pm: we've been friends for 4.5 months and none of you even tHOUGHt to look it up?**

**swagger, 2:06 pm: smit, you act as if any of us are remotely intelligent**

**johnontheradio, 2:06 pm swagger has a point**

**swagger, 2:06 pm: oh hey look bordie's on**

**bordie, 2:07 pm: EAT ASS**

**swagger, 2:07 pm: aaaaaand she's offline again**

**smii7y, 2:07 pm: jesus christ**

**fitz, 2:08 pm: ok well we'll start linking your channel in the description, boy-o**

**smii7y, 2:08 pm: GOOD**

**smii7y, 2:08 pm: bitch**

**zuckles, 2:08 pm: watch out smit, johnontheradio will eat your ass for calling his boyfriend a bitch**

**swagger, 2:09 pm: ...zuck...**

**smii7y, 2:09 pm: LMAO**

**johnontheradio, 2:09 pm: fucking retard**

**zuckles, 2:10 pm: what?**

**fitz, 2:10 pm: jesus christ**

**zuckles, 2:10 pm: OH**

**zuckles, 2:10 pm: i MEANT KICK YOUR ASS**

**zuckles, 2:10 pm: FUCK**

**fitz, 2:11 pm: OWH ZUCKLSE FUCKING GET OUT OF THE VOICE CHAT YOU WHORE YOU JUST SCREAMED WHAT THE FUCK**

**zuckles, 2:11 pm: i didn't know you were in it**

**fitz, 2:11 pm: fucking piece of shit bitch**

**smii7y, 2:12 pm: you D U M B**

**smii7y, 2:12 pm: C U C K S**

**mccreamy, 2:12 pm: ^**

**smii7y, 2:13 pm: thanks for the support**

**mccreamy, 2:13 pm: of course, bitch**

**smii7y, 2:13 pm: welp**

**fitz, 2:14 pm: B===========D**

**johnontheradio, 2:14 pm: *slurp***

**swagger, 2:15 pm: what the fuck**

**smii7y, 2:15 pm: "me and fitz aren't gay for each other, stop fucking joking about us"**

**johnontheradio, 2:16 pm: screw you**

**smii7y, 2:16 pm: toby you're too sensitive**

**fitz, 2:17 pm: he is strong ! .. & maybe a lil sensitive but that's ok !**

**zuckles, 2:17 pm: m8 are you even trying to pretend like ya arent in lov with john anymore**

**fitz, 2:18 pm: how bout YOU eat MY ass**

**zuckles, 2:18 pm: y'mean kick**

**fitz, 2:19 pm: ..no, i was making fun of you, you dumb shit**

**zuckles, 2:19 pm: oh lol**

**smii7y, 2:19 pm: oh my looooord, lmao, jesus zuckles**

**swagger, 2:20 pm: zuck i fear you are literally retarded**

**zuckles, 2:20 pm: you guys are assholes, i'm gonna go yell in the voice chat osme more**

**bordie, 2:21 pm: can i join you**

**smii7y, 2:21 pm: hi bordie**

**bordie, 2:21 pm: hi daddy**

**smii7y, 2:22 pm: yikes**

**fitz, 2:22 pm: bordie you're not even gonna get a reaction out of him at this point lol you've known him for months**

**bordie, 2:22 pm: i'm unoriginal and have no creativity, fitz.**

**zuckles, 2:23 pm: yes you can join me bordie**

**zuckles, 2:23 pm: lets fucken scream inta the void**

**swagger, 2:23 pm: i need weed**

**smii7y, 2:24 pm: wait s wagger you smoke?**

**swagger, 2:24 pm: yeah ?**

**smii7y, 2:24 pm: nice =)**

**swagger, 2:24 pm: ??**

**swagger, 2:24 pm: oh wait**

**swagger, 2:25 pm: wait**

**swagger, 2:25 pm: wait hold on you're implying something i just can't figure out what it is**

**fitz, 2:25 pm: he probably smokes weed too or smthn**

**johnontheradio, 2:26 pm: smii7y? no way**

**smii7y, 2:26 pm: ey fuck u**

**swagger, 2:26 pm: wait so you do smoke ???**

**smii7y, 2:27 pm: yes lol**

**swagger, 2:27 pm: niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice**

**swagger, 2:27 pm: do you get high like just whenever or at certai ntimes?**

**smii7y, 2:28 pm: i mean i dont have like a schedule lmao**

**smii7y, 2:28 pm: i usually smoke just whenever i feel like it, which is usually at like 3 am**

**fitz, 2:28 pm: i'm so afraid they're going to both be high while we're in a recording session one of these days**

**johnontheradio, 2:28 pm: afrAID?? that'd make for great content**

**fitz, 2:29 pm: that's. . a good point**

**swagger, 2:29 pm: i'm not going to get HIGH just for your NEEDS**

**swagger, 2:30 pm: so what about 2 am your time, smit?**

**smii7y, 2:31 pm: hell fucking yeaaaaaaaaaah**

**smii7y, 2:31 pm: jesus i've been sidetracked for over half an hour**

**smii7y, 2:31 pm: imma hop off for a while, got schoolwork & actual work to do.**

**smii7y, 2:31 pm: talk later you aussie fucks**

I closed Discord, running my fingers through my hair. I grabbed my glass of orange juice, then took a sip from it. I sat up in my seat and closed out of every tab except for my e-mails, my college's sites, and YouTube. I put some music on, and tightened my headphones a bit, so they were more secure on my head. Then I went to work, the thoughts of today in the back of my head as I focused.

But oh, truly, what a day it had been.


	4. Chapter 4

**john**   
  
  


"John, come on, you need to get out of the house more often," Jay murmured, concern in his eyes. It had been a few days since I saw Dr. Streinz and I had mostly locked myself up in my room, only coming out when I needed food or to use the bathroom. I rolled my eyes, a bit annoyed,

"I'll get out of the house when I want to, Jay. Forgive me for not wanting to go to a gay bar at midnight." I muttered, taking a hit from my vape. He sighed,

"Dude, it's Nogla's birthday, c'mon man. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Remind me again why Lui was totally fine with this?" I huffed, speaking through my clouds.

"Because he's got no reason to assume that David would be unfaithful. Come on, man, live a little." He crossed his arms over his chest and I groaned, feeling a headache start to form.

"No."

"John," He whined, dragging out my name.

"What am I supposed to do if something happens, Jay? I don't feel like having an episode surrounded by drunk adults," I ran my fingers through my hair, my anxiety beginning to gnaw away at me.

"We'd be there to help you," Jay murmured, resting a hand on my shoulder. I bit my lip, rolling my eyes.

"God. Fine. Fucking.. whatever, I'll go." I huffed, standing up. "Really don't see why I have to, but whatever."

He threw his hands up in surrender, walking backwards towards the door. "Chill, John. We're leaving in five minutes, alright?"

"Yeah, go." I mumbled, and he shut the door. I sighed, tugging a nice pair of my boots on and praying that they wouldn't be destroyed in the night ahead of me. If a single person steps on them, I'm going to punch them. That's just the way it's gotta be. Nobody steps on my expensive ass, gorgeous fucking boots and gets away with it.

I glanced in the mirror, running my fingers through my hair. I looked like a mess, but couldn't be bothered to really give a shit. I sighed and grabbed my phone from off my desk, slipping it into my pocket. "Dumb ass roommates, trying to get me out of the fuckin' house, when I don't fuckin' want to.. piece of shit, caring assholes.." I mumbled nonsense under my breath as I walked down the stairs, smiling when I saw Luka running. I blinked a little when I watched Tyler chase after him.

"HEY! John! Your adorable, asshole dog stole my food!" He shouted, "Luka! Luka, get your ass back here!"

I laughed, running my fingers through my hair and shaking my head. Jay glanced at me from where he sat on the couch, blinking a little.

"That was quick," He murmured, and I shrugged.

"I wasn't really that concerned with how I looked. Not like anything's going to happen," I chuckled, and he rolled his eyes.

"Alright, whatever you say, bro." He stood up, snapping his fingers. The lights turned off, and I leaned against the wall, yawning. The fact that he magically turned the lights off and had these weird ass fucking powers didn't even phase me anymore, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. It probably isn't either. Just a neutral sort of thing, I guess.

I slipped my vape out, taking a hit from it as I watched Tyler walk into the room. He was wearing a leather jacket, one I had never seen him wear before, and I grinned when I realized why. It wasn't his- it was Jay's. "Nice jacket, fuckboy," I laughed, shooting a wink at him, and he flipped me off. Jay awkwardly chuckled, shoving his hands into his pockets. "How'd the date the other day go, by the way, boys?"

"It went fine," Jay muttered, obviously not comfortable discussing it, and I raised my hands in defense.

"Alright, damb, chill, brother. Who else is coming, by the wa-" I was cut off when the front door was thrown open, loud screams entering the apartment. Luka immediately started barking and I clicked my tongue, shoving my vape into my pocket to glare at whoever the fuck barged in.

"Hey, you bothered my dog, you fucking assholes!" I muttered, walking over to Evan and gently pushing him. He laughed, smacking my shoulder.

"Your dog's too sensitive, John," He rolled his eyes, bending down a bit and patting his thighs. Luka came running, excitedly jumping up and wagging his tail. I rolled my eyes, glancing over at Del with a smile.

"Your boyfriend drunk?" I asked, and he sighed, chuckling.

"Yeah, and we're not even at the fucking bar yet," He laughed, then walked over, patting my shoulder. "How you doin', man? It's been a hot minute."

"Del, I literally talked to you like, yesterday." I murmured, crossing my arms over my chest, and he blinked, his eyebrows furrowing a little.

"Wait, really?" He scratched at his head, and I nodded, frowning when I glanced at the door, seeing the rest of the boys flood into the room.

"I thought we were going to the fucking bar! Not crowding around in my apartment,  _like always!_ " I shouted, emitting laughter from them. Half of them were already drunk. Some of us were still twenty. God, my friends are so stupid.

"Where's my best friend!?" Brian shouted, and he soon waltzed over to me, wrapping his arms around me. I could literally smell the alcohol on his breath, and I turned my head a bit, trying my best to avoid it. "What's up, Johnny, my man, my bro, my numba one, my bro slice, my man?"

"Brock,  _please_ help," I begged him as he walked over, his eyes full of sympathy.

"I would help if I could, John," Brock laughed. "Trust me, there's no control over drunk Brian."

"Ooh! Shiny fuckin' boots, bro-" Brian belched, and I immediately pulled away.

"Nope. You are  _not_ throwing up on my fucking boots."

Brian giggled as he wrapped his hands around Brock's neck, pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips. Brock gently pushed him away, opting to kiss his forehead instead. "I'm going to be-  _so_ hungover in the morning," Brian laughed, resting his head against Brock's chest as he swayed a bit on his feet.

A polite knock on the door grabbed my attention, and I brushed through my friends to get to the door. I opened it, smiling when I saw Luke. He was standing there, hands in his pockets. "Oh. Hey, John."

"What's up, Luke?" I asked, and I almost immediately noticed the smell of weed coming off of him. "Luke, are you high?"

"Maybe just a little," He laughed. "Not very much, though, I'm fine, no worries. Is Nogla's party still happening? Like, is that a thing?"

"Yeah," I nodded, opening the door a little to let him in. "We were supposed to be heading to the bar soon.. but all of the boys crowded in here like retards."

"Sounds like a ton of fun," Luke murmured, sarcastically, and I shut the door, sitting down on my couch. He followed me, sitting down beside me. "So, any idea when we  _are_ leaving?"

"No clue. We might be out of here by six in the morning, if we're lucky," I murmured, running my fingers through my hair.

"Good to know." He chuckled. "Oh! Totally unrelated, but I was going to ask you and the guys something. Uh, you know how y'all said if I wanted to, I could, uh, edit for one of you? Or, like, record with you, even?"

"Mhm?" I asked, turning my head a little to glance at him.

"Does that offer still stand?" Luke asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes, and I chuckled, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Luke, you're our friend. Of course it does," I smiled, and he clamped a hand over his chest, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Thank  _fuck,_ " He sighed. "Dude, the pizza place I work at is fucking trash, you have no idea. I mean, it's sort of nice- I get tipped well, the customers love me, but.. it's still not enough financially, y'know?"

"Yeah, no I totally understand, dude." I rested a hand on his shoulder. "I mean, you might still need it the first few weeks, until you grow a following on your channel- unless you plan working full-time for one of us?"

"I'll take what I can get," He chuckled, and I hummed.

"Well, I know Del's been talking about needing an editor. So has Tyler," I murmured, and he nodded, blinking a little.

"Alright. If anything, I'll just start my channel, get back into the swing of things slowly, then quit my job once my YouTube is stable enough to be a full-time job." He said, and I shifted in my seat a little, my gaze resting on the scars that littered his arms. It was hard to believe what he had gone through- he'd only shared his stories of being in the white-coat's labs a few times, and for a perfectly understandable reason. The shit they did to him.. I wouldn't want to talk about it all the time, either.

"That's a good plan, my man," I said, glancing at my phone. "If you ever need help with anything, like figuring out a schedule, or some advice on editing, don't feel afraid to hit me up, alright?" It was already almost one. "Fuck, we really should leave soon."

I stood up, and Luke stood up with me. "Hey! Fuckers! LET'S LEAVE!" He shouted, yelling through his hands, which he had cupped around his mouth. All the guys turned, quiet, then started walking out the door.

"If I found out that anyone who's drunk drove tonight.. I'm going to kick their ass," I huffed. "Oh my God, I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow."

Luke frowned, "You sure you should be going, then?"

"It's too late now, I'm already committed." I murmured, walking to the door. Jay and Tyler were the last to leave, as they were behind us. I walked through the door, not bothering to wait for them. Luke walked beside me as we talked.

"Fair enough. You taking your pick-up?" He asked, and I grinned.

"You know it, brotha."

"Well, let's hope you don't end up getting lucky, because anyone who sees that thing is going to be turned off immediately." Luke laughed, and I gasped in mock offense, punching his shoulder.

"Bitch, the fuck?" I huffed, laughing a little. "My pick-up is a work of art, you manwhore."

"That's what they all say, Johnny," He sighed. "Don't worry, you'll realize it someday."

I shook my head. "You're just crazy." I chuckled, and my phone buzzed. I blinked, furrowing my eyebrows as I realized it was a notification from YouTube- someone I was subscribed to had uploaded. I didn't remember turning on the notifications for anyone, so I gazed at it, searching for the channel name, and stopping in my tracks when I saw it.

**SMII7Y just uploaded a new video!**

I blinked, feeling a thousand different emotions wash over me. I tapped on the notification, holding my phone to my ear as the video started playing. I heard his voice- Lukas' voice- and I almost dropped my fucking phone.

What the fuck?

I felt sick. Because every time I thought of him hurt. And I craved to see him again. To hear him again. And here I was.. hearing him again.

"John? You alright?" Luke asked, and I bit my lip, my mind a fucking mess.

"Luke, can I ask you something?" I questioned, and he nodded.

"Shoot."

"If you haven't talked to a friend in months, and you last talked on a bad note, but you would like to rekindle your friendship.. is it worth texting them?" I asked, and he hummed, then nodded.

"Well, if you really want to be friends again.. why wouldn't it be?" He asked, and I sighed.

"You've got a point."

I walked over to my pick-up, and he stopped by the door. "My car's a little walk down the block," He murmured. "Meet you at the bar, then?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Just drive safe, alright?"

"Of course," He chuckled. "You too, man."

I waved at him as he walked away, then opened the door to my beautiful baby. I shut it, and put my seat-belt on, putting my keys into the car and starting it. Letting the car run, I went to Twitter, anxiety filling me as I typed in an all-too familiar username.

**DM THE_SMII7Y?**

Fuck. Fuck, should I really do this?

Of fucking course you should, you dumb piece of shit. At the very least, you can talk to him again. Worst case scenario, he hates your guts, and you can finally get over him.

Here goes nothing.

**kryozgaming, 1:03 am: hey, man. just saw you uploaded. you hopping back onto the youtube grind?**

That's so fucking awkward.

What else was I supposed to say!?

I sighed, and slipped my phone into my pocket, then pulled out of my parking spot. I started driving away, anxiety bundling in my chest.

 

•

 

"Dude, I think he's looking at you," Scotty nudged my arm, and I blinked, glancing up. We were finally at the bar, and it was probably like, two in the morning at this point. Luke had already snagged a guy, and had taken him home. I couldn't say I was surprised.

"Huh? Who?" I asked, taking a sip of my soda. Yeah, I was absolutely not going to get wasted tonight.

"That red-head over there," He murmured, pointing to a certain direction with his head, and I followed it with my eyes, which soon landed on a boy. He looked fairly young, like, late-teenage years young, but obviously that wasn't right, because he wouldn't be in a bar if he was. He had ginger hair, and some black, thick ass glasses. Like, they were pretty much hipster glasses. With the dull lighting in the room, it was difficult to make out much more, but he seemed pretty fair-skinned. His eyes caught mine, and he smiled, waving.

"Oh my God, he saw me staring," I felt my face heat up, and Scotty pushed me gently.

"Go say hi, loser," He chuckled, and I sighed.

"Fine."

I grabbed my soda, and walked over to the man. He crossed his arms over his chest as I approached him, and I soon stopped in front of him, holding a hand out. "Hi. I'm John."

"John? Cute name," He chuckled, and I blushed a little as he took my hand, shaking it gently. "I'm Axel, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Axel?" I raised an eyebrow, smiling a little. "Cute name."

"Aw, thanks," He grinned, and I bit my lip. He had a nice smile.

Like, a  _really_ nice smile.

"What brings you 'round here?" I questioned, taking a sip of my beverage, and he shrugged.

"You want the blunt answer, or..?" He trailed off, and I hummed.

"Hit me," I said, and he sighed.

"If you say so," Axel murmured, and he gently swatted my shoulder. I blinked, and then groaned.

"God, that was fucking horrible," I spoke, although I couldn't help but laugh. He grinned,

"Hey, it got a laugh out of you. Totally worth it." He shifted, resting his elbow against the counter. As I gazed at him, I realized I could sort of see his figure through his tight-fitting shirt, and I swallowed to keep my thoughts PG. He tapped his chin a bit, obviously thinking, and I bit my lip as he tilted his head, his eyes narrowing a little.

The man was incredibly hot, I wasn't gonna lie.

"But, to answer your question.. I came here in the hopes of finding a cutie," He confessed, and then grinned. "I think I accomplished my mission."

"Oh, really?" I asked, and at this point, it was obvious we were both attracted to each other. "Who might that be?"

"Well, he tells me his name is John.." Axel murmured, and then straightened, taking my soda and setting it on the counter, stepping a bit closer to me. "..but I don't know much else. I'd  _really_ like to get to know him, though.."

"I'm sure he'd like to get to know you, too," I murmured, and then slammed my lips against his in a needy kiss. He kissed me back, and ran his hands down my back as I licked his bottom lip. He opened his mouth, and our tongues fought. I gasped as one of his hands gently squeezed my ass, and I pulled away from him, grabbing his hand. "I'm taking you home, and I'm making you mine." I growled in his ear, and as I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes, I could tell his face was flushed.

"Jesus, you're fuckin' hot," He murmured, and I grinned, then pulled him away from the counter. My eyes met with Scotty's as I passed our table, and I shot him a wink. He spat out his drink and then threw his hands up, cheering for me as he shook our friends. I rolled my eyes, ignoring the collective cheers I heard from them.

My breath hitched as we walked into the cold, late night air, and I pulled him to my car. I opened the passenger side door for him, and he got in. I slid into my seat, and hurriedly started the car, driving off immediately. "Dude. I thought you couldn't get any hotter. But you proved me wrong. You have a pick-up truck."

I raised an eyebrow, sneaking a glance over at him. "Is that sarcasm, Axel? I wouldn't try testing me, if I were you," I suggested, smiling a little. "I mean, unless you're into that whole punishment thing, of course."

His face got red and he glanced away, and I chuckled, making a right on a corner. "I'm used to topping, so if this night ends up awkward at all, um, I'm sorry in advance."

"Well, I'll be sure to make it a night worth remembering, cutie." I smiled, slowing the car to a stop as we approached a stop sign. I glanced over at him, "I'm gonna make sure you never forget my name."

"Hey, could I have your number?" Axel asked, and I shrugged, handing him my phone after I unlocked it. "Thanks."

I kept driving, and he soon handed me my phone back. I pulled the car to a stop in front of the apartment complex, and we got out at the same time. I grabbed his hand again, and we ran inside. "Stairs are faster, you alright with that?" I asked, and he nodded.

We bounded up the steps, and I pulled him down the hallway that my apartment was in. I unlocked the door, and stepped out of the way, letting him walk in. Once he was in, I quickly locked it, and then tossed the keys to the floor, slamming him against the wall.

He gasped as my lips met his neck, and then moaned as I started sucking. "Fuck, you're so god damn hot," I muttered, swirling my tongue over the hickey that I had created. He pulled my face towards his and connected our lips. I kissed him as I pulled his shirt off, running my fingers up and down his torso. I soon pulled away from him, and grabbed his wrist, dragging him up the stairs. I lead him to my room, and once we were in, I shut the door behind us.

Axel dragged me to my bed, and then kissed me, pushing me down on it. He straddled my lap, and then tugged my shirt off. I leaned up, marking up and down his skin, making his breath quiver. He eventually kissed my neck, and I let out a quiet moan as he sucked my skin. I sat up, then tugged his pants off. "John, John.. John, I need you," He begged, and I grinned, kissing him again.

"Damn right you do."

 

•

 

I woke up to the sound of birds quietly chirping, the bed empty besides me and my phone vibrating. I groaned, rolling over to grab it. I blinked, realizing it was a text from.. Axel?

Oh, yeah.

I fucked him last night.

**axel!, 11:08 am: hey john! i'm sorry for the inconvenience, but i had to leave- totally forgot about a meeting i had this morning.. lol. couldn't afford to miss it. but i had a really good time w/ you last night ;) hmu if you'd like round 2.. or, if you're interested, a date? i think you're a real hottie, i'm sure you've got a great personality too. anyways, thanks again, daddy <3**

Jesus fucking Christ, I don't get laid in five months and then that happens.

He even called me Daddy and, if I was being honest, still wasn't as good as Lukas.

Jesus, John, what the fuck?

I mean, I guess it was kind of fair to compare. The only guy I had been with in the past three years- not including Axel-  _was_ Lukas, so...

Fucking hell, I'm a mess of a man.

I sat up, a little overheated with the blankets on top of me. I yawned, glancing at the time again. I had about an hour before I needed to be at Dr. Streinz' office again. I grabbed my phone, then walked over to my closet, grabbing some clothes. I picked up my clothes from last night off of the floor, blushing a little as I recalled what  _had_ happened. I tossed them into my hamper when I walked into the bathroom, then hopped into the shower.

I quickly washed myself, as well as my hair, enjoying the warm water and allowing my thoughts to roam a bit. It's always so calming, taking a shower. It's just you, and the water, and you're left in this tranquil environment. I love it. It always leave me feeling rested-

FUCK.

I had DMed Lukas on Twitter last night, hadn't I?

Oh my  _God,_ what had I been thinking?

I groaned, running my fingers through my hair as I rinsed the last of the conditioner out. I turned the water off, pulling the curtains to the side and stepping out, wrapping myself in my towel. I quickly dried off, then changed into my outfit. I spent a bit more time trying to towel dry my hair, because I didn't want to blow dry it- heat is bad on the hair.

When I figured my hair was good enough, I hung the towel up, then walked out of the room. I pulled a pair of my sneakers on, and then grabbed my vape. I slipped my phone into my pocket, then shut my lights off, opening the door and walking downstairs.

"..And then Nogla and Lui literally almost had sex in front of everyone. Jay, how do you not remember this!?"

"OH MY GOD! I remember now! Jesus Christ, Tyler, why'd you need to fucking remind me!?"

When I walked into the room, Jay and Tyler were sitting at the counter, hunched over and staring at one of their phones, laughing. They both looked at me, and I blinked, making eye contact as I walked over to the fridge. "..There something on my face?" I asked, grabbing a water bottle. "Quit staring, you freaks."

"How was last night, John?" Jay chuckled, and I shrugged.

"It was alright," I smiled, walking over to the counter.

"Just alright?" Tyler asked, and I bit my lip.

"Maybe a little bit better than alright."

"There's no way you didn't bottom last night," Jay muttered, and I laughed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Mm, I hate to burst your bubble, Jay," I sighed, taking a sip of my water. I spoke again once I had swallowed it, "but Daddy gave a stranger a good fucking last night."

"Oh my God," Jay gagged, and Tyler burst into laughter, wheezing. I laughed at myself, considering I had cringed as I spoke the words myself.

"That's the best thing you've ever said," Tyler wiped at his eyes, sniffling as he calmed down, and I sighed.

"As much as I'd love to talk about my sex life- I wouldn't- I have to see Dr. Shithead now." I murmured, capping my water. "And no, I don't need either of you to baby me. I'll be fine. I'll text you if something happens, but you can keep calm 'till then. Alright?" I chuckled.

"Alright. Drive safe, John!" Jay murmured as I walked over to the door, and Tyler nodded in agreement. I threw them finger guns, then walked out. When I opened up my Twitter app, I was a little disappointed to see that Lukas hadn't replied to my DM. But when I checked, it said that he hadn't seen it, so.. maybe there was still a chance.

I definitely hoped so.

 

•

 

"Alright, John, so here, you can see that-" Dr. Streinz pointed to an area of my brain on the screen in front of me. Most of my brain was red, but the area he pointed to wasn't. It was bright, more red than anything else. It was more colorful than the rest of the areas. "-the Prefrontal Cortex is incredibly active. This means it's being used more than the rest of your brain, and when we asked you to try your best to imagine what it felt like during your episodes.." He shifted, switching the screen to another image. It was almost the same, except the colorful part was  _way_ more colorful. "..and as you can see, it's being used up even more here. The Prefrontal Cortex controls the executive functions of the brain, John- do you know what I mean by that?"

"Not really," I shrugged, running my fingers through my hair as I never took my eyes off of the screen.

"It controls emotions, judgement, impulse control." He explained, and then glanced at me. "I'm thinking that it's being used so much that it's lost, er.. stability, I suppose. My best theory is that this is responsible for triggering these episodes."

"And why would the disease be causing that?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"Me and my team are looking into that right now," He smiled, and as I met his eyes, I found that believing him was incredibly difficult. Doctors are supposed to be kind, sincere, caring.. so why did this one make me so afraid? "Look, John, I know it's bad, but it could be worse. I figured some other symptoms you could be having, but you're not. For example, hallucinations."

Well, thank  _fuck_ I wasn't dealing with those.

"Iron deficiency. Vertigo. A lot of other things." He said. "Anyways, you should have a new prescription ready for you by tomorrow morning. I'll have someone give you a ring once it's ready." I nodded, standing up and walking to the door. "Oh, and John?"

"Yeah?" I asked, and as his eyes met mine, he smiled.

"Tell the Devil I said hello."

My eyebrows slowly furrowed. What the  _fuck_ did that mean? The only thing I could think of was Luke- the white-coats gave him the nickname  _Devil_ while he was working for them, but that didn't make any sense. Why would Dr. Streinz know about that? Unless he was a white-coat, of course, but I doubted it.

"Uh, alright," I frowned, then shut the door behind me, sighing as I felt a headache starting to form. I walked down the hallway, and then checked out with the receptionist. I hurriedly left, shaking off the paranoid feeling as I walked through the doors. I got in my car, and drove off.

As I drove home, I really couldn't focus on anything other than Dr. Streinz. The way he spoke, the way he acted, the way he.. did just about anything.. terrified me.

There's something seriously wrong with that man.

And I'm going to get to the bottom of it, even if it kills me.


	5. Chapter 5

**lukas**   
  
  


"Swagger, you can't- you can't say that," I laughed, taking a drag from my blunt. "Fucking hell, that is not making it in my video."

"Well why the hell not!?" Swagger defended, and I only laughed harder.

"That's the most offensive thing I think I've ever heard you say," I muttered, gazing at my screen. I grabbed my phone, which sat on my desk, and glanced at the time. It was already four in the morning. Luke came home like, an hour ago, with another guy to bang. I'd need to head off soon if I wanted to get any sleep.

"But it was funny," Fitz murmured, and I sighed, shaking my head although they couldn't see me.

"You guys are the most unintelligent pieces of shit to ever have walked this Earth," I said, swiveling slightly in my chair. "Like, damb."

"I'm not unintelligent," Toby huffed, and I raised an eyebrow.

"I am!" Zuckles cheered, to which Swagger sighed.

"Zuck, we- we know, buddy."

"Alright, guys it's been fun and all, but it's four in the morning here, I'm high as fuck and I'm exhausted," I murmured, closing the game. I heard a few chuckles and as well as a few sighs. "I'm going to head off, I'll be sure to spam the fuck out of you pussies in the morning though, alright?"

The boys said their goodbyes and I quickly exited Discord. I closed all my tabs before shutting my computer down, taking my headset off and placing it on my desk with a quiet sigh. I leaned back and took another hit, shutting my eyes.

When it was too short to use, I tossed it with a quiet sigh, then stood up. I shut my lights off and grabbed my phone from my desk, then walked over to my bed, pulling my shirt off and tossing it into the corner of the room with a quiet sigh.

I laid down and stared at my phone's lock screen, which really probably should be changed. It was, uh, it was a really old photo of John and I. Like, junior year of high school old, maybe two and a half months after we had met. I was sitting on his shoulders, and I had pulled his hair into a ponytail, turning him into a unicorn.

_"Ow! Smitty, what in the fuck are you doing to my hair? You're going to pull it all out!" John whined as I tried putting his hair in a ponytail, and I giggled._

_"I got you, baby, you can trust me," I murmured, and then let out a scream when he moved. "John! I'm going to fall!"_

_"I got you, buttercup, you can trust me," He mocked me, and I huffed, smacking his shoulder._

_"Fuck you," I muttered, and he only laughed. "Where are the boys?"_

_"I don't know, they should be here soon though," He said, sitting down on a bench. I kept fumbling with his hair, trying my best to put in a ponytail._

_"God, you have too much hair for this shit," I muttered. "Well, maybe not too much, but it's far too thick. How the fuck does your hair have so much volume, baby boy?"_

_"I don't know," John murmured. I hummed, and eventually successfully pulled his hair into a high ponytail on the top of his head._

_"Yes!" I yelled, grinning. I moved his hair a bit so it flopped in front of his face, "I made you a unicorn!"_

_He laughed, "Gee, thanks, Smit."_

_"You're welcome, baby," I smiled, then leaned down and kissed the top of his head. I couldn't see his face, but I had no doubt that he was blushing._

_"Look at these fucking nerds!" I heard Craig speaking, and I looked up to see him and Tyler walking over, with the rest of the boys trailing behind them. "You two fucking yet?"_

_"Shut up, Craig," John chuckled, and Tyler tucked his hands in his pockets as he gazed at us._

_"You two look cute like that," He murmured, then walked over. "Smitty, give me your phone."_

_I blinked, then complied._

_He stepped back, then lowered himself a bit, positioning the phone in front of him. "Okay. On the count of three, say.. I don't know, say something. One.. two.. three!"_

_"Penis!"_

_"Pineapples."_

_We giggled as Tyler took the photo, and when he smiled, I figured it came out good. He walked over and handed me my phone. I looked at the photo, "Damn, Tyler, this is really good. Thanks, man."_

_"No problem, dude," He chuckled, and I smiled._

_"Okay, John, I'm going to get off of you. Don't move, unless you want me to kick you in the face."_

_"That's hot," John chuckled, and I smacked his shoulder again. "Ow! That's the second time you've hit me today. Stop fucking abusing me, Smitty."_

_"I'll stop abusing you when you eat my fucking ass," I muttered, and then climbed off of him._

_"Now_ that's  _hot," He murmured, and I glared at him._

_"I will hit you again, John."_

_"Please don't."_

_"That's what I thought," I muttered, and he pulled me into his arms before I could do anything else. I giggled as he kissed my cheek, "John, stop it. Stop. Stop! John!" He kept kissing my cheek, and I groaned._

_"How are you two literally not dating? I don't understand it," Marcel murmured as he glanced over at us, and I shrugged, glancing at John. His pretty blue eyes met mine, and my breath hitched as he smiled._

_"Maybe one day," He hummed, then kissed my cheek again. I felt my face heat up._

_Maybe one day?_

I smiled as I remembered it, growing overcome with a feeling of bittersweet nostalgia. I curled up into my blankets, feeling incredibly cold and alone, despite the fact that my room was cozy and warm. I ran my fingers through my hair, sniffling. God, I fucking missed him. And I wished that I could get over him.

But when you love a man for three years, it's sort of hard to get over him.

There's always the fact that I'll get over him. Eventually. In however long, I won't miss him so much.

But that's fucking heartbreaking.

Because he meant- he means- everything to me. John Kryoz was the love of my god damn life and I can never imagine myself with anyone who isn't him. We have been through hell and fucking back together and God damn it I want to grow old with him. I'm almost twenty-one. I met him when I was seventeen.

Fuck.

I miss him.

I miss him so God damn much.

With a thousand and one thoughts in my head, a thousand of them being about John Kryoz, I drifted into a very unsatisfying sleep.

 

•

 

"We should get, like, a cat or something," Luke murmured, and I raised an eyebrow as I gazed at him.

"I.. don't agree. I don't think we can take care of a pet," I murmured, and he frowned.

"Oh, come  _on,_ Lukas.. can't you just see a little kitten running around?" He grinned at me, walking further into my room and falling, rather lamely, onto my bed. I shifted in my chair,

"No. Certainly not a kitten, you're too incompetent to take care of a kitten. Unless you're talking about like, a year old kitten or something, but I still think it's not a good idea," I said, and he whined, sitting up to look at me.

"Well, there's no promises that I won't come home one day with a kitten or something." He grinned.

"Luke.." I sighed. "Okay, whatever. It's your problem if you do. You have today off, right?" I yawned, walking over to my closet to slip a pair of shoes on.

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm going to head out, walk around town a bit maybe. I need air. My classes have me super fucking stressed," I muttered, running my fingers through my hair.

"Okay, just make sure you text me every so often so I know the white-coats haven't ruined our lives again?" He asked, and I nodded, walking over to him.

"Of course. Text me if you need anything, man." He wrapped his arms around me in a hug, and I hugged him back. I was incredibly grateful for the fact that Luke and I had grown so close- I really don't know where I'd be if we hadn't. It's not something I like to think about.

I pulled away and finger-gunned him, then walked out of my room and down the stairs. I slipped my backpack on and grabbed a water bottle from my fridge, taking a sip from it before putting it in the bag. I only take my backpack with me on walks because sometimes something catches my eye and I take it home. That sounds bad, I'm talking about, like, rocks.

I walked through the door and shut it, then locked it before I walked out into my front yard. I walked past it and onto the sidewalk, heading towards the right to start my walk. I slipped my phone from out of my pocket and plugged my earbuds in, before putting them in and playing music.

This is oddly familiar. Like, from a long time ago, familiar.

Why?

Oh.

I had been doing the same thing before I walked into school the day that I met John.

Way to ruin a good mood, Lukas.

I sighed and unlocked my phone, blinking when I saw that Twitter had notifications. I tapped on it, and scrolled through my mentions, seeing a few people who said they were incredibly surprised to see my name in their subscription box on YouTube, but glad. And then I went into the DMs, and-

What?

I glanced up when I noticed the red light in front of me, and paused, watching the cars pass. Eventually, the little stick man indicating it was okay to go flashed, and I quickly jogged down the street, slowing when I was on sidewalk again.

I tapped on the message, and read it over.

Yeah, no, that was definitely John.

What do I do?

Well, I reply, obviously, why the fuck wouldn't I?

**kryozgaming, 1:03 am: hey, man. just saw you uploaded. you hopping back onto the youtube grind?**

I bit my lip, then started typing.

**smii7y, 1:35 pm: hello! yeah, i am. got a couple friends on the site who i record w/. it's weird hopping back into it. fun tho.**

Well, that's one hell of an awkward conversation.

I slipped my phone into my pocket again, yawning a little. I kept my eyes trained on the ground, not really paying attention to what was in front of me. I kept walking, until eventually I knocked into someone, and the both of us went stumbling.

I took an earbud out after I straightened, glancing at who I had knocked into. He ran his fingers through his hair, and I blinked.

Axel?

Axel glanced at me, and then his eyes lit up. "Lukas! Hey."

"Hi, Axel," I chuckled, tucking my hands into my pockets. "Sorry I ran into you."

"It's alright, dude," He smiled, and I bit my lip, glancing at the ground because his smile was nice and I did not like the butterflies it gave me.

"What're you doin' out here?" I asked, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Just got back from, uh.. a.. meeting of sorts." He smiled, and I lifted my head.

"You have other jobs?" I asked, and he nodded. "Where else do you work?" He pointed to a building. "That doesn't help me, I've never been in there."

"It's a medical center," Axel chuckled. "There's a patient who we all, uh.. sort of work together to discuss."

"That sounds.. odd." I murmured, and when he glanced at me again, I got  _real_ uneasy. Now I'm not one to be suspicious for no fucking reason, but all of a sudden, he was different. The look in his eyes reminded me of the looks white-coats gave me. I didn't like it, not at all.

"Well, his medical condition is odd," He smiled, and all of a sudden, his story didn't make any fucking sense.

"How are you working in a medical center if you're not even out of college yet?" I asked, and his face dropped.

"I'm sorry, what?" Axel smiled, and I raised my eyebrows.

"I asked, how are you working in a medical center if you're not even out of college yet?"

"Oh geez, I'm sorry, I can't hear you. That meeting really must've taken a lot out of me. I should go. Goodbye, Lukas! See ya some other time!"

As I watched him jog away, I felt a coldness settle over my skin.

Suddenly Axel seemed like more than just a cute, broke college student. He was obviously lying about a lot of things and even the way he looked at me when he talked about his  _patient?_ Fuck that. Fuck him. I don't want anything to do with him.

And yet, an uneasy feeling told me that wasn't the last I'd be seeing of him, for a while.

I shook my head, putting my earbud back in and walking again. My phone soon buzzed, and I blinked, taking it out of my pocket. I slid onto a bench, crossing my leg over my other as I began to wait for the bus, and unlocked my phone.

He'd already replied.

**kryozgaming, 1:43 pm: who are they ? maybe i'll check em out. and yah, it's weird hopping back into at first, but you're like, fit for youtube, istg**

**smii7y, 1:44 pm: they're all in the channels section of my page. they're australian, but i'm pretty sure most of em are moving to the states soon for opportunities n shit. and wdym, 'fit for youtube' ??**

God, we were talking about nothing. Discussing YouTube because we couldn't discuss anything else. Why the fuck would we? Despite that, it was  _so_ comforting to finally talk to him again. My heart was heavy, it was sad, but it was happy.

**kryozgaming, 1:46 pm: australians? damb. and i mean your personality is so incredibly likable, people are going to love watching your content**

And he's already complimented me. It was a friendly compliment, one I'd been given by plenty of people, but for some reason I couldn't wipe an idiotic smile off of my face.

**smii7y, 1:47 pm: lol i'm a fucken loser, idk what you're talking about. but thank you anyways fam**

As I watched the bus pull up, I stood. I walked in when the doors opened, handing my cash to the driver. I quickly hurried into a seat that was surrounded by empty seats, and felt incredibly relieved when nobody moved to sit beside me.

**kryozgaming, 1:48 pm: i mean, you're not wrong, you are definitely a fucken loser**

**smii7y, 1:48 pm: fuck you**

**kryozgaming, 1:49 pm: lmaooo,, you said it first, bitch. anyways, what's new ?**

**smii7y, 1:51 pm: ah, idk. not much, really. college courses are stressful, but i'm getting by via graphic design and now youtube**

**kryozgaming, 1:52 pm: you're doing college? good for you, man. i mean, it makes sense, considering you technically never even finished high school :/**

**smii7y, 1:53 pm: mhm. i didn't have to finish school tho, bro, white-coat abduction saved my life !! hell yeah !! i was 2 kewl for schewl anyways**

**kryozgaming, 1:54 pm: are you having like a midlife crisis or smthn**

**smii7y, 1:55 pm: honestly who isnt**

**kryozgaming, 1:55 pm: fuCK u rite :/**

I glanced up when the bus driver stopped the bus, calling the name of a street. I heard it, but didn't really pay attention. Nobody stood, so they started driving again. I picked my head up and glanced outside. Whoops.

"Oh! Hey, this is my stop!" I shouted, and almost everyone turned to look at me. The bus driver let out a very long sigh, then pulled over on the side of the road. I stood up, my face hot. "S-Sorry for the inconvenience."

"Get off your phone sometimes, kid," The man grumbled, and I rolled my eyes, hopping off the bus. I opened my DMs again, typing as I walked down the street.

**smii7y, 2:00 pm: sory i left you on seen,, i just almost missed my bus stop whOOPS (:**

**kryozgaming, 2:01 pm: it's ok fam. wait, you're on a bus?**

**smii7y, 2:02 pm: yah this city's fucken huge bro**

**kryozgaming, 2:03 pm: i always figured you moved out of the city, idk why**

**smii7y, 2:03 pm: well i mean i moved, but i'm still in the city. i don't like the idea of leaving it tbh, been through too much shit.**

**kryozgaming, 2:04 pm: i understand that. where you living now?**

**smii7y, 2:05 pm: i mean idk maybe like 15 minutes away from you**

**kryozgaming, 2:06 pm: that's not rly that far lol**

**smii7y, 2:06 pm: i really wanted to move far away just for the sake of seeing more of the city but i couldn't bring myself to leave the neighborhood i grew up in (i mean after moving to america)**

**kryozgaming, 2:07 pm: yeah, i get that.**

**smii7y, 2:08 pm: holy shit**

**kryozgaming, 2:08 pm: ??**

**smii7y, 2:08 pm: hold on i'll text you in a few minutes**

I slid my phone into my pocket, stopping. My gaze rested on the sleeping cat in front of me, with a bunch of little kittens surrounding her. When I lifted my gaze, I noticed an animal shelter literally across the street. Okay. What do I do. Shit.

I took another step, and suddenly the cat's eyes opened. Her fur fluffed out and she hissed, and I stepped back. I really don't feel like getting attacked by an angry cat today.

Her kittens blinked awake and she trotted off, all of them tucked closely beside her. I furrowed my eyebrows, and glanced at where the mother had been. My eyes widened when I noticed a small tuft of cream colored fur.

I walked over, and prodded it gently. Tiny, blue eyes opened and the kitten yawned. I bit my lip, and then picked it up. It mewled, and I sighed. "I'm taking you to this animal shelter, and you're going to be okay there, little dude. Or dudette. I don't know. Why didn't your momma take you?" I frowned as I crossed the street.

I opened the doors to the animal shelter, and the lady at the counter smiled at me. "Hi! How can I help you?"

I walked over, and put the kitten on the counter. "Uh, this kitten was literally just abandoned by it's family?"

The lady frowned, picking the kitten up. She soon put it back down, shaking it's head. "And what would you like us to do about that?"

"Well, you're an animal shelter," I chuckled, raising an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to take it in?"

"Normally we would," She said. I glanced at her name tag, seeing that her name was Victoria. "But this kitten is a runt. It would take a lot of our resources to take care of it, and even then, it's survival wouldn't be promised. We can't take it in."

Well, now I was pissed off.

"I'm sorry, you guys call yourselves an animal  _shelter,_ and yet you won't take in a fucking weak kitten?" I asked, glancing down and petting the kitten. It opened it's eyes again and leaned into my hand.

"Sir, if I had any choice.. trust me, I'd take it in," She sighed, and I bit my lip, glancing at her. When her eyes met mine, I could tell she was being sincere. "But I have to follow regulations, and those are the regulations, however shitty they may be."

"What am I supposed to do, then?" I asked, and Victoria smiled.

"You could always take them in. I can do a gender check for you, give you a bag of supplies, and send you on your way!"

"But I-"

"It's a poor little kitten," She frowned, and when her eyes met mine, she furrowed them. "Whoah, hold on, do I know you?"

I shrugged, "I mean.. it's possible?"

"You went to the High School like, twenty minutes away, right? West of here?" She asked, and I nodded. "You're Smitty? The kid who went missing?"

I bit my lip, "Yeah. That would be me."

"Oh my god, you were my ex's boyfriend," She chuckled, and my eyes widened.

"Oh! You're.. Victoria.." I nodded as everything fell into place.

"Y'know, I was surprised when he started dating you," Victoria murmured, and I raised an eyebrow, glancing down at the kitten. "He was, like, totally convinced he was super straight. I mean, to be fair, all of his friends were gay. Or bi."

"Really?" I asked, "I don't know, he seemed like he was fine with whatever he was, which.. wasn't straight."

"It's possible I was wrong," She said. "Also, it's been four years since I was with him, so that probably doesn't help. I owe a lot to him, though. He helped me accept myself. I, uh, I'm actually a lesbian. I started dating my best friend after he told me he knew, and we're actually engaged. The wedding's in November."

"Wow," I murmured, glancing at her. "Congratulations, hon."

"Thanks," She smiled, then picked the kitten up, kneading through it's fur. "And it looks like.. we've got a girl here." She handed her back to me, and I smiled. "What are you going to name her?"

"I don't know," I chuckled, glancing at her again. "If I'm being honest, she sort of reminds me of John. What with the color of her fur, and her eyes, y'know?"

"Maybe name her something that starts with a J, then?" Victoria suggested, and as I gazed at the little kitten, I grinned.

"June."

"That's cute," She chuckled, and I sighed, shaking my head.

"Y'know, I told my roommate earlier today there was no way I'd be okay with us getting a cat? And here we are. I'm already attached. This kitten's got me hooked around her tiny paws," I murmured, and June opened her eyes, gazing at me if she understood what I said perfectly.

"Well, I'm sure they'll be pleasantly surprised," She smiled. "I'll go get you some things."

"Thank you!" I smiled, and she walked off, through a door behind the counter. I took my phone out and texted John again.

**kryozgaming, 2:09 pm: uh ok**

**smii7y, 2:21 pm: heyyyyyy,, wowie a lot jst happened**

**kryozgaming, 2:22 pm: ??**

**smii7y, 2:23 pm: well i ran into a cat on the street w a bunch of kittens but she ran away cus i accidentally scared her but she left th erunt behind so i took it to an animal shelter but they wouldn't take the kitten in bc it was a runt so now i have a cat and she's really tiny but she's cute her fur is cream colored and her eyes are blue and ngl she reminde dme of you,,, also the lady at the couter who i talked to is apparently victoria ur ex**

**smii7y, 2:23 pm: she told me to give her a name that started w a j bc like ur name is john which starts with a j yknow so i named her june**

Well, way to be incredibly blunt.

**smii7y, 2:23 pm: here im trying to send a photo but its taking a while**

**kryozgaming, 2:24 pm: well that certainly was a lot**

**smii7y, 2:24 pm: yah,, victoria's apparently getting married in nov to the girlfriend she got after you 2 broke up**

**kryozgaming, 2:25 pm: oh damb**

**kryozgaming, 2:25 pm: i want to see the cat**

**kryozgaming, 2:25 pm: give me photos of th ecat, you asshole**

**smii7y, 2:26 pm:** **_> >>> photo attached_ **

**kryozgaming, 2:26 pm: oh MY F Ogd that is an adborable cat**

**smii7y, 2:27 pm: i know !?!??!!**

**kryozgaming, 2:28 pm: u know whats weird**

**smii7y, 2:29 pm: ??**

**kryozgaming, 2:29 pm: how big luka is now**

**kryozgaming, 2:29 pm:** **_> >>> photo attached_ **

I opened the photo, smiling when I saw it was of Luka. My eyes widened when I realized how big he really had gotten since I had seen him last.

**smii7y, 2:30 pm: oh MY godHES S OB IG??**

**kryozgaming, 2:30 pm: i kno w :(((**

**kryozgaming, 2:31 pm: but he's still the same from when he was so tiny so he jumps around and lays on me when he shouldn't bc of how big he is but do i giev a shit ??? NO**

**smii7y, 2:32 pm: do you htink june and luka owuld like each other**

**smii7y, 2:32 pm: i mean when june gets bigger obviously**

**smii7y, 2:32 pm: mayb we could see them interact**

**kryozgaming, 2:33 pm: um ?? yES lets set up a playdate for our children ??**

**smii7y, 2:34 pm: wow ok so you didn't think you should've told me that you birthed luka till now?**

**kryozgaming, 2:34 pm: lukas its not what it looks like i promise :((**

**smii7y, 2:35 pm: you're a furry aren't you**

**kryozgaming, 2:36 pm: wHAT NO????**

**smii7y, 2:36 pm: lmaoooo.. ok.**

**kryozgaming, 2:37 pm: LUKAS FFS**

**smii7y, 2:37 pm: hold on brb**

**kryozgaming, 2:37 pm: im not a fucken furry :( but ok**

I watched as Victoria walked through the door, placing a bag of supplies on the counter. "How much do I owe you?" I asked, and she smiled.

"It's on me," She said, and I blinked.

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah, of course. You didn't have to help this kitten, but you are. It's the least I can do, considering I can't take her in myself." She glanced down at June.

"Are you sure? It's no problem, really-"

"Smitty, if I was going to make you pay, I would've made you by now. It's no big deal." Victoria glanced back at me, and I smiled.

"Thank you. I should probably leave now, then. It was nice getting to talk to you!" I slung the bag over my shoulder, then picked June up.

"You too. Have a nice day!" She said, and I waved, then left through the doors. I pulled my phone out, then tucked it into the pocket of my jeans, putting June in my hoodie pocket and making sure her head stuck out of it so she could breathe. I didn't want to risk her getting hurt on the bus, so I guess I'd be walking home.

I felt her shift around, and I laughed a bit, glancing down. She looked up at me, blinking her wide, blue eyes. "June, stay still, you dummy," I murmured, reaching down and petting the top of her head.

As I walked home, I texted John periodically, more occupied with the kitten squirming in my pockets. Once my eyes landed on the house, I walked in, shutting the door behind me. I walked into the kitchen and put the bag of supplies on the table. Luke walked in, blinking. "What the fuck is that?" He asked, pointing to it, and I chuckled.

"Well, uh.. I may or may not have accidentally obtained a kitten." I blushed, awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.

"Excuse me?" He furrowed his eyebrows, and I pulled June out of my pocket.

"She was the runt of a litter and the animal shelter wouldn't take her in so I had no choice but to rescue her!" I explained, and he stared, then started laughing.

"We're too irresponsible for kittens!" He said, making his voice higher as he made fun of me. "Oh, if you get a cat, it's your problem!"

"Shut the fuck up," I muttered, sitting down. I put June on the table, petting her as she walked around a little, her eyes wide. "I ran into Axel today, y'know."

"Oh yeah? What happened?" He asked, and I shook my head.

"I don't like him, man." I murmured, and Luke seemed surprised. "He mentioned working at a medical center. Luke, he's still in college. That doesn't make sense?"

"Maybe he's working as, like, an intern or-"

"No, he said he dealt with patients. And when he talked about it, he had this look.. and it reminded me of the white-coats," I whispered.

Luke set a hand on my shoulder, "You sure you weren't just out of it? Maybe a hallucination?"

"Luke, I know what I saw." I shook my head, "I don't trust him."

"Well, that's fine. It's not like we're going out of our way to find him," He murmured, and I sighed.

"I guess. I just feel like he's bad trouble. Shit we don't want." I pet June, then kissed the top of her head.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, Luka. What's her name, by the way?" He asked, and I smiled.

"Doesn't she look like John? I mean, with her fur, and her eyes."

"I suppose?" He took a sip of water, gazing at me.

"Her name's June."

"Oh." He raised an eyebrow, sipping his water again.

"I'm talking to John again."

He spit his water out.

"Ew! Luke, what the fuck!?" I laughed, and he started coughing.

"You're talking to  _who_ again!?"

"John?"

"Since when!?"

"Since this afternoon."

"I mean- it- it's not.. awkward?" He sat down, and I shrugged.

"It was at first, but now it's like we never stopped talking," I murmured. "Obviously there's still that, uh.. difference in atmosphere, because we're not a.. couple, for the first time in three years. But it's.. it's him, and I've fucking missed him so much, and now I get to talk to him again. Even if things are different, it's.. it's more than I could've asked for."

And maybe it was wrong to hope that things would go back to the way they were. To hope that he'd forgive me for the stupid shit I've done. To hope that he hadn't fallen out of love with me, even though we left each other. To hope that maybe, just maybe, he was aching for me to call him my phoenix, just as badly as I was aching for him to call me his buttercup.

Oh, how times have fucking changed.

I wish they hadn't.


	6. Chapter 6

**john**

 

_three weeks later_

 

Headache. Can't breathe. Can't think. Can't focus.

Purple.

It's all turning purple.

Not again. It's so close to my last one. I couldn't have another episode.

Where were the meds?

I stumbled down the stairs, hearing my quick breaths. My eyes raked over the kitchen counter, where I left them last for easy access. Where are they?

_weak_

No, this isn't happening. I can't let it happen again. God, this buzzing was so fucking loud.

Where are my meds?

_fool_

God, no. Stop. Please.

My hands met the counter as they fumbled, searching desperately for the pill bottle that I had come to rely on. I couldn't find it, and I could feel the fear in my chest begin to spike up. I was so sick of this.

_broken_

Damn it all.

My eyes landed on the bottle, and I quickly reached out and grabbed it. I opened the cap, and poured two into my hand, swallowing them immediately. I put the bottle down and held my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut.

Barking from behind me made me pick my head up, glancing at the door. It opened, and Jay and Tyler walked in, talking quietly with smiles on their faces. I noticed their intertwined fingers and smiled, being able to slowly relax as the medicine started kicking in. I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out, smiling when I saw who had texted me.

Lukas and I had started texting- like, over phone- rather than DMing. There wasn't much of a difference, but I feel like texting is more intimate. I don't know, I could be totally wrong. But apart from that, we had called each other a few times and had video chatted over Discord. I was so fucking happy he was back in my life, even if our relationship wasn't as close as it was before. It was something.

"Good date?" I asked, tilting my head a little to look at the two idiots who had wonderful chemistry but didn't like talking about it. Tyler chuckled,

"Yeah," He said, and I nodded, humming. "We, um.. might.. be.."

I raised an eyebrow, shifting my gaze between them. "Hm?"

Tyler sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. Jay raised his eyebrows, gazing expectantly at Tyler. "Okay, well if Tyler's not going to say it, then I will."

"Say what?" I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"We're dating," They said, at the same time, and I blinked.

"Oh, yeah, I figured," I shrugged, and I smiled when I saw their faces drop. "Did you two really think I wouldn't notice the fact that you've been hanging out more recently? And y'all hung out an incredible amount before, I didn't think it was possible for you fuckers to hang out more, at all. But you somehow did it. Also, y'all were loud as fuck the other night. Jesus."

"But-" Jay gaped at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"I notice these things, Jay," I shrugged. "Nothing gets past me."

"Nothing gets past  _me,_ either," Tyler murmured, raising an eyebrow at me. "You've been in a better mood recently. What changed?"

"Nothing?" I chuckled, tucking my hands into my pockets. I hadn't told them that I was back into contact with Lukas yet. I was worried it wasn't going to work out like I had hoped it would, and didn't want to tell them something for it to just collapse the next day.

"Nothing my ass, Kryoz," He muttered. "You've been texting someone, haven't you?"

"Yeah, a friend." I glanced at my phone, then sighed. "Lukas."

"What?" Jay murmured, and I glanced over at them.

"I texted him the night of Nogla's party," I murmured. "He had uploaded a video. To my surprise, he texted back, and.. we, uh, we're on good terms."

"How is he? Is he doing okay?" Tyler asked as they both walked over, and I put my hands up.

"Jesus, interrogation much?" I stepped back, slipping my phone into my pocket. "I don't know how he is. He doesn't talk about himself very much, but if I'm being honest, it sounds like he's doing okay. He's doing graphic design and is starting YouTube up again. He's got a kitten named June and is rooming with Luke."

"Luke?" Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Why didn't Luke tell us about Lukas?"

"'Cause Lukas didn't want him to, obviously," I chuckled. "I don't blame Luke."

"But.." Tyler sighed, rubbing his temples. "Whatever."

"How's it going, then? Between you two?" Jay asked, tilting his head, and I shrugged.

"It's going fine."

"Any talk of.. the past..?"

"No, not yet," I murmured. "I don't think either of us are really ready for that. Especially me, considering I'm.. still not over him." I leaned over and coughed into my arm, suddenly feeling my headache return. When I pulled away, I realized I had coughed up blood. "Oh. That's.. probably not good."

"What the fuck?" Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, "I thought it was.. gone? Like, apart from the episodes?"

"I.. I guess not?" I shrugged. "My head hurts, not gonna lie. And so does my chest."

Jay reached forward and held his hand against my forehead. "You're burning up," He murmured, frowning. "Think the meds would help?"

"I just took them a few minutes ago. I had another episode but I caught it before it got bad." I explained, feeling my phone vibrate again.

"That's weird," Tyler hummed. "Anyways, what are we thinking for dinner? Jay, you got a taste for anything?" I pulled my phone out and opened the camera, leaning back and aiming it discreetly at the couple in front of me. I needed proof to convince Lukas they were dating- when I brought up how I thought they were, he didn't believe me.

Jay shrugged, grabbing Tyler's hand and intertwining their fingers. I took a photo. Tyler leaned forward, smiling, and kissed Jay's forehead. I took another photo, while also feeling my heart pound. Oh my God. I love them together?

Fucking hell, I sound like my fans whenever they ship my friends.

"John? What are we doing?" Jay glanced at me, and I put my phone away, shrugging.

"I don't know. I don't care," I murmured. "It's up to you guys. I think I'm going to head up to my room, but text me when you figure out what we're doing, okay?"

"Yeah, alright." Tyler nodded, and I walked away, heading to the stairs. I made my way up them, then walked into my room, smiling when I heard Luka behind me. When he was in, I shut the door, not closing it all the way in case he wanted to get out. I hopped onto my bed and opened my laptop up, taking my phone out as well. I went into my messages, smiling.

**lukass, 6:05 pm: john where'd u go**

**lukass, 6:08 pm: johnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn**

**lukass, 6:08 pm: joHN FUKCK i'm bORED :(**

**lukass, 6:10 pm: john r u ok**

**lukass, 6:12 pm: ok see now i'm actually sort of worried**

**lukass, 6:13 pm: u better just be annoying tyler and ajy or smething :/**

**lukass, 6:13 pm: jay* how in the name of god**

**lukass, 6:14 pm: johnnnnnnnny :((**

**lukass, 6:16 pm: ugh what am i supposed to dooooooo w/o u**

**johnny, 6:17 pm: holy shit ur fucking annoying :)**

**lukass, 6:17 pm: UR NOT DEAD !! LITTY**

**lukass, 6:18 pm: and u can shut ur angsty ass tf up. we both know damb well u smiled like a damb son of a bitch reading my messages <3**

**johnny, 6:18 pm: i feel attacked ?? bc that is true ??**

**lukass, 6:19 pm: guess what :):):)**

**johnny, 6:19 pm: whot**

**lukass, 6:20 pm: i 'm sick :) got sick like 20 minutes ago, HECK YEAhh**

**johnny, 6:21 pm: me 2 fam. like literally lol**

**lukass, 6:21 pm: i'd be having a concern if you had what i have tho**

**johnny, 6:22 pm: what ?? dos that mean?? do you have a disease?**

**lukass, 6:23 pm: well, not a new one. get on skype btw i wann to see your face**

**johnny, 6:24 pm: ok damb needy son a bitch**

I went on Skype, smiling when I saw Lukas immediately call me. I accepted, smiling a little more when I saw his face pop up. His cheeks were smushed, due to his hands holding his face up. He was resting on his elbows, and he seemed to perk up when I accepted the call. "Hi, shithead," He murmured, and I rolled my eyes.

"Hi, bitchass," I replied, running my fingers through my hair. "Mind telling me what disease you have?"

"Oh, yeah, that." Lukas sighed, then coughed a little. I frowned, raising an eyebrow. "I still have that disease that almost brought upon the end of the world."

"I- sorry, what?" I furrowed my eyebrows, feeling a sudden coldness wash over me. "Elaborate, please."

"I guess the disease never left, right? But like, I'm not always sick. It comes in waves, and shit. It hasn't happened in a really long time, though, apart from.. other.. side effects." He shrugged, and I stared at the screen, my mind slowly running over everything. "John? What?"

"I- okay, this is going to sound too.. coincidental, to be true, but I swear to fucking God I'm not making this up." I frowned, and he nodded.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"I.. am.. literally exactly the same. Like, with the- with the disease. I- ugh, fuck, this is really hard to explain and you're probably going to think I'm a freak or something-"

"John, calm down." Lukas murmured, and even through the screen, I could tell how much he cared. "I'm here. I'm listening. I would never think you were a freak." I bit my lip, due to the butterflies that formed because of the words he said.

"Okay, um. So like, I.. thought the disease was gone. Apart from, these uh, these.. well, we've taken to calling them episodes. Uh, they're.. fucking terrifying." I bit my lip, hugging my knee to my chest as I tried to figure out how to word this. "These.. ugh, these thoughts, um.. intrusive thoughts present themselves? And it's hard to ignore them. My head starts hurting- like, pounding- and I get this.. buzzing, in my ears. And I freak out. And my vision starts going purple. It's like someone took a purple lens and just popped them onto my eyes. They get really fucking bad sometimes."

Lukas stayed quiet as I spoke, and when I finished, he ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm really, uh, really fucking sorry that's happening, Johnny."

"It's not your fault, L," I sighed. "It's not your fault."

"I don't have the same thing, but I do.. have.. ugh, promise you won't judge me? Or think I'm losing my mind?" He shifted a little, and I could see a frown on his pretty face. With the dull lighting in his room, I could see the faded streaks of blue and red in his hair, and I smiled a little. Those colors looked cute on him.

"Yeah. Promise." I nodded.

"So uh, hallucinations. That's.. what I thought they were. At first." He sighed, and I frowned. "But they were.. they were far too real. I would see- I  _do_ see- almost everyone. I have seen my parents, I have seen our friends, I have seen you, I've fucking seen.. myself. But everyone is always.. purple. And they're surrounded by a purple aura. And there's.." He trailed off, rubbing his eyes. "You're not judging me, right?"

"Lukas, I'm not judging you. I never would."

"I'm sorry if this makes you think of me any differently," He sighed, then rolled onto his back, staring at his ceiling. "I've seen you before, like I said. And it usually starts out.. nice, with you, uh, comforting me, and shit, right? You walk over, and maybe hug me, or something. But the- the problem, John, is.. I can feel it."

What?

Lukas rolled onto his stomach, gazing at the screen. "And it hurts. Whenever you touch me, like literally your fingertip could graze against my skin, it fucking  _burns._ And it gets worse, because you start- um, you start.. like, hurting me. On.. purpose. And when it's over, I'm left with marks. They're purple, and at first they look like bruises, but then they get like.. super dark. And then they start graying, and cracking, and a few hours later they usually start bleeding. And during the hallucination, you'll start telling me that I'm, uh.. a monster, and shit."

"I.. fuck, Lukas, I'm sorry," I whispered. "You know I'd never do that, right? I'd never hurt you, Lukas. Not.. not on purpose."

There was a brief moment of silence, before he spoke. "I know, Johnny." His voice was soft, and sincere, and it hurt to hear. "Trust me, I know."

"Are you taking anything to help it?" I asked, moving the laptop so I could lean against the wall. Luka jumped onto the bed and rested his head on my lap. I smiled, petting the top of his head.

"No. I can't really go to a doctor. They'd think I was fucking insane if I told them a hallucination I had came to life and started beating the shit out of me, y'know?" He sighed, and I nodded.

"Yeah.. I understand." I frowned. "I'm sorry, Lukas. I wish I could help."

"You are," Lukas murmured, a small smile on his lips. "Just by talking to me."

I hummed, smiling a little myself. "It's nice, talking to you. I, uh, I missed it. A lot."

"Me too."

"We should record together sometime," I suggested, glancing at my laptop again. "It'd be fun."

He nodded, shifting. I soon saw a little kitten on the screen, and I grinned. "Hello, June!" Lukas cooed, picking her up. I heard her mewl, and I chuckled. I still couldn't get over the fact that he named her with me in mind.

"She's so fucking cute," I murmured, and he glanced at the camera, grinning.

"I know."

"You gonna redo those streaks in your hair?" I asked, and he nodded.

"Yeah, definitely. I liked the way they looked. You ever gonna re-bleach your hair? Your roots are like a mile long," He chuckled, and I shrugged, smiling.

"Yeah, probably soon. I'm just lazy." I murmured, yawning a little, and shifting when I felt a familiar burning pain. Damn disease. I turned my head to cough into my arm again, not stopping until at least a minute later. I sighed, resting my head against the wall as it pounded.

"Jesus, that sounds bad. You alright, Johnny?" He asked, and I smiled, feeling as if my heart was doing twirls when he called me Johnny.

"I don't know," I said, gazing down at Luka. "Probably not."

"Well, shit," He sighed. "Dude, I just got so tired all of a sudden."

"Same," I chuckled, yawning again. "Weird shit."

"You know, sometimes I think about the lab, and I feel guilty." Lukas' voice got a little quiet, and I frowned.

"Why?"

"Because Jay and I escaped," He said, "but everyone else in there stayed. Every single person.. we just left them there."

"Lukas.." I sighed, "don't blame yourself for that. You couldn't have saved them all, you know that."

"I could have tried," He whispered, and I frowned, feeling my headache grow.

"And gotten yourself killed?"

"If I had died, I wouldn't have gotten out. The disease wouldn't have spread. God.. fuck. Everyone would be so much better off if I was just dead."

"Shut the fuck up, Lukas," I muttered, and he blinked, seeming surprised. "That's such bullshit. Nobody would be better off if you were dead. Do you have any idea what it did to your family when they thought you  _had_ died? It fucking destroyed them. It destroyed all of our friends. It destroyed me."

"John, I-"

"Hold on, I'm not done. Lukas, you're an amazing fucking person. Okay? You always have been. You always will be. Because that's who you fucking are. You're.. you're  _such_  a good person. You do what's right. Even if that's hard. You're fighting the good fight. You take care of people. You're kind. You're fucking talented. And sometimes you fuck up, yeah. Sometimes you make some pretty dumb mistakes. But they're  _mistakes._ You are  _human._ You can't live your entire life and not make mistakes, Lukas. You learn from these dumb choices and you grow from them. You are a good person. You matter. And you mean a lot to a lot of people."

Especially me.

"Thank you, John." Lukas said, smiling a little. "Thank you."

"Of course," I chuckled. "I only speak the truth."

"I know."

 

•

 

Six hours later and I was wide awake, heavy blankets tucked over me as I tried to fall asleep but could not, for the life of me. I heard my phone buzz, and I blinked, my eyebrows furrowing as I reached over to grab it. When I saw who texted me, I quickly opened it up.

**lukass, 12:37 am: henlo john, you awake?**

**johnny, 12:37 am: yah :/ can't fall asleep**

**lukass, 12:38 am: same. i haven't tried going to be dthis ealry in months. it's not working lol**

**johnny, 12:38 am: oh, rip fam =(**

**lukass, 12:39 am: nah, it's fine. uh, i was actually going to ask you something**

**johnny, 12:39 am: ??**

**lukass, 12:40 am: would you be fine w/ meeting up ?? and just hanging out ?? at the park we first hung out at ??**

Was he being serious?

**johnny, 12:40 am: really,,? like you're not joking?**

**lukass, 12:40 am: nope, but obviously if you don't want to we don't have to lol**

**johnny, 12:41 am: dude no, i'm all for it**

**lukass, 12:41 am: okay !! is it ok if i bring weed,,? i need that shit man**

**johnny, 12:41 am: um if u bring some for me ??yah**

**lukass, 12:42 am: ?????????you smoke???**

**johnny, 12:43 am: i haven't in years. but before i met you i smoked a little and it helps me sleep lol**

**lukass, 12:43 am: oh, shit yeah i can get you some fam. if you have $420 to spare**

**johnny, 12:44 am: to spare?? nope**

**lukass, 12:44 am: lmao o well**

**lukass, 12:44 am: no i'm joking i'll get you some don't worry**

**johnny, 12:45 am: thankyou :)**

**lukass, 12:45 am: of course bb <3**

**johnny, 12:46 am: BBBBB <3**

**johnny, 12:46 am: ok i'm finna get ready to leave lol. see you there i guess?**

**lukass, 12:47 am: see youuuuuuuuuuuu =)**

I sat up in bed, yawning and stretching a little. This was  _not_ where I was expecting this night to go, but fuck, I was not complaining one bit.

I was incredibly excited to see Lukas again.

 

•

 

"Fuck, these shits are cold," I murmured to myself, pushing myself on the swing. I kicked my legs up as I swung forward, keeping my eyes mostly focused on the entrance so I knew when Lukas arrived. It was bittersweet to be at the park again, to be back where it started. I imagined the nostalgia would only worsen when I saw Lukas again.

"What are you, fucking five?" A familiar voice reached my ears from behind, and I jumped, consequently falling out of the swing and landing on the ground with a quiet groan. I heard loud laughter and I sighed, pushing myself up and glaring at Lukas.

"You scared the  _shit_ out of me," I muttered, flipping him off as he laughed harder. Although I was slightly annoyed with the fact that he had scared me, his laughter brought butterflies to my stomach, and seeing his face drove them crazy. He held a hand out to me and I took it, blinking as he helped me up.

"I didn't think you were going to fall out of the swing," He chuckled, then put something in my hand. I blinked, glancing down to see it was a blunt. "Get high with me?"

"I sort of need a lighter to do that," I murmured, and he rolled his eyes, handing me a lighter. "How'd you get here?" I asked, before I heated the blunt.

"Skateboard," He said, running his fingers through his hair. "Oh, I have your weed, by the way. Here."

"Put it in my pocket for me, I'm a little busy," I murmured, and he sighed.

"Lazy ass motherfucker.." Lukas muttered, and I felt him put it in my pocket. I flashed a smile at him,

"Thanks, dipshit." I handed him the lighter and took a puff from the blunt, blowing the smoke out away from him. I watched as he did what I had done moments earlier, and when he was done, he shoved the lighter in his pocket.

"You know we can get in a ton of trouble if we're caught here," He murmured, and we started to walk. I chuckled,

"I know."

"Like, weed's legal, but we can't do it at a park?"

"It's probably cause it's an environment where children are?" I raised an eyebrow, feeling my heartbeat quicken as his hand brushed against mine.

"Children shmildren," He huffed, and I chuckled, taking another hit from the blunt.

"You're fucking stupid," I murmured, and he laughed a little.

"I know. By the way, those buttercups, did they just grow there?" He pointed towards the field of buttercups behind the park, which used to just be a field of grass. I chuckled a little,

"Uh, no."

"How'd they get here?" Lukas asked, and I rubbed the back of my neck.

"I.. may or may not have planted them there," I murmured, and he blinked.

"Oh."

Through the darkness of the night, it was a little difficult to make him out. There weren't streetlights in the area, so there was virtually nothing producing light, apart from the moon. "It's dark," I murmured, and he nodded.

"Yeah, and? What, you scared?"

"No," I smiled, "I can just barely see anything. I'm definitely going to trip on something and fall on my ass."

"I'd love to watch it happen," He chuckled, and I smacked his shoulder.

"Fuckin' asshole," I muttered, and he laughed.

"I know."

I took another puff of the blunt, this time turning my head to blow the smoke in his face. "Okay,  _you're_ the fuckin' asshole!" He smacked me, and I snorted, broken bubbles of laughter coming out from between my lips.

"I know," I murmured, repeating what he had said, and he sighed.

"I walked into that."

"You definitely did."

We approached the picnic tables, and I sat down on top of one. He gazed at me, frowning. "Your putting your ass where people eat food."

"My ass  _is_ food," I stated, and he shook his head, laughing.

"God, I fucking hate you," Lukas sighed, before he sat next to me.

"You wish," I said, running my fingers through my hair.

"Please," He chuckled, resting his head on my shoulder and making my heart flip it's shit, "who could ever hate you?"

"A lot of people, probably," I frowned, taking yet another hit from the blunt I was holding.

He turned his head a bit, glancing at me, and I glanced back at him. Our eyes met, and he smiled. "Well, even more people love you."

I felt my face heat up, and I glanced away, feeling my heart ache. I loved him, still. He was making it even harder for me to get over him.

"Hey, are we both fucking stupid, or did these fireflies just come out of nowhere?" He pointed forward, and I glanced forward to see fireflies just flying around. I hummed,

"Maybe we just weren't paying enough attention?"

"Maybe.." Lukas murmured. "Well, whatever the case, they're pretty."

"Yeah," I agreed, smiling a little. A quiet, calm breeze blew, and tossed my hair. Lukas shook a little next to me, and I frowned. "Are you cold?" I chuckled.

"Maybe a little bit," He shrugged. I blinked, then wrapped my arm around his shoulders, pulling him a little closer to me. "Do you miss the old days, John?"

"You want the honest answer?"

"No, dipshit, I want you to lie to my face. Yes, I want the honest answer."

"Yeah. I miss them a lot."

"Me too," He sighed. "I hope things go back to normal one day."

"Yeah, I hope that, too, Lukas."

He pulled away from me, then turned and gazed into my eyes. He shifted, then pulled me into a hug. I felt my heart melt as I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him back.

Oh, how I had craved this.

"Hey, John?" Lukas whispered, rubbing my back a little.

"Yeah, Lukas?"

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexual themes towards the end but no actual smut per usual

**lukas**

 

"Lukas, dummy, over here." John tapped my shoulder, pointing up towards the sky, and I yawned, resting against him as my eyes flickered up to follow his finger. "Make a wish, stupid."

_I wish John'll forgive me someday._

"I wish you would stop being so cozy, because I'm tired and don't want to move now that I'm huddled up against you," I murmured, hugging John's arm against my chest as my eyelids threatened to close. He chuckled, turning his head a bit to glance at me. Our eyes met, and I felt my face heat up underneath his gaze. I hoped with all my being that he had the same longing feeling in his chest as I did, because I yearned to have him back in my life- as my lover- more than anything.

But I suppose him being my best friend would have to suffice.

I was definitely missing his kisses, though.

"It's weird, isn't it?" John sighed, shifting slightly and pulling his arm out of my grip, only to wrap it around me and pull me closer to him. I tilted my head, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What's weird?"

"How different things are," He murmured, kicking his legs a bit over the side of the table. "Four years ago I didn't even know you. Now, I.. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met you."

"Time flies when you're having fun," I murmured, a bit of a bitter tone to my voice.

"I can't imagine how it was for you, Lukas. I don't think we've ever really talked about that, in depth. It hurt you and I just wanted to take your mind off of it, y'know?" John fixed his gaze forward, his lower lip between his teeth. "I sit and think of what I've done, and the more I think about it, Lukas, the more I think about what I didn't do. You were hurting, and sure, I helped you. But I didn't help you enough." He was quiet as he spoke, his breath visible in the cold, nighttime air. "I should have done more."

"John.." I frowned, sitting up a bit. He kept his gaze ahead of him, shaking his head and putting a finger up, silencing me.

"I wasn't there for you when I was supposed to be there for you," John said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "And I know.. I know what I did. I know I helped a little. But I could have done so much more. I was selfish. There was such a.. such a lack of communication, y'know? We talked for hours, every day, Lukas, but really, we barely had any idea what was going on inside the other's head."

He sighed, his hand rubbing my shoulder gently. I doubted he was aware he was doing it. "I hated it when you left. I couldn't bear to see you leave again. And then you did, but.. of your own accord. You weren't taken from me that time. And that.. that hurt a lot, L. When I got you back I wanted to take care of you.. but my head was so  _fucked,_ y'know? I couldn't get over the fact that I had died. I wanted to help you, Lukas, but I.. I could barely see what was happening. Life was passing by while I did nothing." 

He picked his head up and glanced at me, and my eyes widened when I noticed tears had gathered in his. "I'm so fucking sorry, Lukas," he whispered, his lips trembling slightly. His eyes blinked and tears rolled down his cheeks, sending waves of pain throughout my heart. "I should've taken care of you, but I didn't. Not how I was supposed to. And I'm so sorry for that."

I pulled him against me, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. He hugged me back, shaking slightly as he cried. "Johnny," I whispered, playing with his hair, "it's okay."

"It's not okay," He croaked, his fingers clenching around the back of my shirt. "It's not- it's not okay." His voice, broken and so full of sorrow, brought tears to my eyes. I pulled away, picking his face up and wiping his tears, blinking as mine started to fall.

"It's okay, I promise," I murmured, wiping away hair that had stuck to his face due to his tears. He shook his head, biting his lip and rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"No, there's so many things I- I should have done differently, and I'm sorry-"

"As if I hadn't made mistakes?" I grabbed his hand, biting my lip before I intertwined our fingers. His eyes landed on them, and I realized I had used my left hand to hold his- which was the hand that  _still_ wore his promise ring.

"What do you mean?" He asked, and I chuckled.

"I kept leaving," I whispered, squeezing his hand a bit. "Time and time again. I was a coward, John. I couldn't face my problems. I didn't know how. It was all so much, y'know? I knew you were going through so much, but I was convinced I was making it worse. I swore I made it worse. Instead of staying, and helping you through everything.. I left."

John stared at our hands, and then chuckled. "Lukas?"

"Yeah, John?"

"I still love you."

"I still love you too."

Our eyes met and we shared a little smile, for the tension in the air made it clear there was something unspoken between us.

"But I'm not ready to be with you again," I murmured, and he nodded, rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand.

"Neither am I."

"But one day, right?" I asked, and he picked his head up, then leaned in, and pressed a small kiss to my forehead.

"One day, Buttercup."

I smiled through my tears, lifting his hand to press a kiss to it. "Okay, Phoenix."

"You know what I fucking hate?" John chuckled, glancing at me.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow, sniffling a little.

"Promises," He said, and I giggled, making him laugh, too.

"Yeah, me too," I said. "I realize how bad I am at keeping them."

"You think?" He giggled, and I flipped him off, resulting in even more laughter. "No, but really, you aren't that bad at promises. I'm pretty sure I've broken some, too."

"Promise you won't break this one?" I asked, pointing at the ring on my finger, and our eyes met. My heart fluttered when I looked a little closer, seeing the familiar love in John's eyes. Despite the dark, dark night, his eyes were still sky blue, still so bright, still so gorgeous.

"I promise," John said, and I sighed, glancing at the ring with a smile.

"Weird how time changes things," I murmured, laying down on my back on the picnic table, shivering as a breeze blew. "John, what time is it?"

"Four in the morning," he answered, and I clicked my tongue.

"I skateboarded here. I'm literally going to pass out."

"I think I have blankets in my car," He murmured, "We could sleep the rest of the night out in there and then I can drive you to your place in the morning."

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up with me, shivering as another cold wind blew. "We are absolutely going with that plan."

He chuckled, wrapping his arm around me. "Okay, damn."

"Damb," I corrected, smiling as we started walking to the entrance- which was also the exit- of the park.

"Ah, shit, my bad," He hummed, and I sighed, smiling.

"Life is really weird right now, and we're both so different from when we met.." I murmured, eyebrows furrowing as John suddenly stopped. "..but I'm glad I was able to escape it all to spend this morning with you?"

John pulled his phone out and set it on a picnic table, making me raise an eyebrow. He grinned at me, "Where we're standing isn't familiar at  _all,_ Lukas?"

As I glanced around, a wave of realization washed over me.

It was where John and I had danced, on that day we first met- right next to the picnic table where he painted my nails.

"Holy.. shit," I murmured, and he grabbed my hand, pulling me against him. I stumbled a bit, smacking his chest lightly as he giggled. I rested my hands around his neck, while his held my hips gently. Music started playing from his phone, and I smiled.

"Last time we were here like this, your hair was brown, and I didn't know what it meant to bottom," He said, and I giggled, rolling my eyes at his stupid comment.

"Mm, well, you definitely do now," I winked, and he smacked my chest, making me laugh.

"Don't be so cocky, Reed," He hummed, and I smiled, stepping forward to rest my head on his shoulder.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Kryoz," I replied, sighing as we swayed from side to side.

"Sometimes I miss being so young," John murmured, a little sigh escaping from between his lips.

"Me too, but we've still got our entire lives ahead of us, don't we?" I asked, and he nodded.

"We absolutely do."

"Oh, by the way, John? I promise not to make any more promises."

"Thanks, dork," He chuckled, and the music stopped, leaving us in each other's arms with nothing but the quiet sounds of nature surrounding us. We stayed like that for a while, before we eventually parted, heading to John's car.

"I hope I have at least one blanket in here.." He murmured, shuffling through the trunk. Eventually he pulled a really big, really fluffy blanket out, and tossed it to me. "Hold that."

"Didn't give me a choice, but okay," I said, tucking it under my arm.

"Yeah that's all I have... uh.." He scratched his head and I rolled my eyes, shutting the trunk for him then grabbing his sleeve. He huffed as I pulled him into the car, shutting the door.

I expertly maneuvered to the backseats, pulling John with me. I pulled them out, then collapsed onto them, groaning as I met their hard surface. "That is entirely your fault, and you are a fucking idiot for doing that," He laughed.

"Suck my dick," I huffed in defense, pushing myself up and then falling again when he threw a pillow at me.

"Been there, done that," He hummed, and I glared at him from beneath my pillow of shame. I removed it from my face and gazed at John, raising an eyebrow as he tried to figure out how the blanket worked.

"Need help there?" I chuckled, sitting up, and he shook his head, blushing a little.

"No! No, I can.. I can probably do this." John tilted his head, and I snatched the blanket from him, turning it the right way.

"There," I muttered, giving it back to him, and he grinned at me.

"Thanks, L."

"Whatever, pussy," I said, laying down and resting my head on the pillow. Honestly, I could've fallen asleep like that, but I knew I'd prefer not to when John threw half of the blanket on me. Then he laid down next to me, and we were both silent for approximately three seconds before we snuggled together at the same time, almost knocking heads. We made eye contact, and then laughed.

"These seats are really hard but it's not that bad because I have you and your squish," John said, and I opened my eyes to gaze at him.

"Are you calling me squishy?"

"Yeah, you're super squishy." He opened his eyes, raising an eyebrow at me, and then narrowing his eyes when he saw the look on my face. He poked my side, and I squirmed a little, rolling my eyes when he grinned. "Squishy boy."

"Fucking hell, I need to get you high more often," I shook my head, and he chuckled. I shifted a little, then threw my arm over his waist, smiling when he rested his head against my chest. I played with his hair with my other hand, watching him as he shifted a bit. Eventually he relaxed again, and he opened his eyes, glancing at me. I smiled, then leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

"I missed this," He yawned, his eyelids incredibly close to closing. I chuckled a little, enjoying the warmth his body gave off. I snuggled more into the blanket, and he snuggled more into me.

"I missed it too," I said, smiling when I felt him kiss my chin. "Give it a little bit of time and this'll be us every night, okay? I swear it, Johnny."

"You fuckin' better, L," He sighed, and I shut my eyes, a smile on my lips. "Goodnight, Buttercup."

"Goodnight, Phoenix."

 

•

 

"You  _mutually agreed_ to not get back together!?" Luke threw his hands up, and I sighed, resting my head in my hands.

"Yes," I murmured, rubbing my eyes. "How many times have I said-"

"It doesn't make sense!" He exclaimed, and I pinched the bridge of my nose, shutting my eyes as I did so.

"We love each other, but there's shit we both need to figure out before we can start dating again," I explained, opening my eyes to glance at him. "We both fucked up a lot during our relationship and-"

"That's what every couple does!"

"Luke, I get it, alright? But both of us think we need a little more time to ourselves without the commitment of a relationship. Once we're both settled we'll start dating again. At the end of the day, bro, this isn't  _your_  relationship."

"I just want to make sure you're both serious about this," He said, his fingers intertwining as he fidgeted. "That's a very respectable decision but-"

"Luke." I met his eyes, and raised my eyebrows, then pointed to my ring. "We know what we're doing."

"Alright, alright," he sighed. "But everything between you two is alright?"

"Yeah," I said, resting my head in my hands. "It's.. it's not what I want it to be, yet, but.. but we're going to be there soon. And I finally have him back in my life, you know? It's.. it's so much more than I could've asked for."

"Yeah, alright." He sighed, and I smiled when I saw June. She had grown a lot in the past month, but was still fairly small. I bent over and picked her up, setting her in my lap with a smile. She purred, immediately settling and resting her head on her paws.

I glanced at Luke when he stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I just remembered, I have to go meet someone."

"Who?" I inquired, resting my chin on my fist, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Uh.." He bit his lip, awkwardly fidgeting. "An.. old friend."

"Do I know them?" I tilted my head, and he nodded.

"Yeah, you do. It's complicated. Gotta go!" He two-finger saluted me, then ran out of the house, leaving me in a very confused silence.

"Why's your uncle so fuckin' weird?" I murmured, glancing down at June. "Daddy's not weird though, right? No, of course I'm not." June's ears perked as I spoke, and she nuzzled my hand, making me smile. I picked her up, holding her carefully as I made my way to my room. 

Once I had walked up the stairs, earning a scratch- or five- from a frightened June, I put her down on my bed. She padded onto my pillow, where she placed herself with a satisfied chirp. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair before I glanced at my laptop. It was in the position I had left it in last night, before I jumped out of bed to meet John at the park.

I smiled a little as I hugged my arms to my chest, breathing in the scent of his hoodie. It'd be a miracle if he ever got it back. It was so baggy around me and I loved it. Also, it smelled like him, which was a definite bonus.

I walked over to my laptop, charging it before I made my way to my desk, starting everything up. My phone went off, and I picked it up, smiling when I saw who had texted me.

**phoenix, 12:03 pm: henlo bb**

**phoenix, 12:03 pm: how r u**

**buttercup, 12:04 pm: i'm alrightttttt. finna start editing some videos and doin college shit in a few minutes. i dont want to tho =(**

**phoenix, 12:05 pm: i would save u but i have to edit a video myself :[**

**buttercup, 12:05 pm: rest ins paghetti , fam.**

**buttercup, 12:06 pm: ugh my head hurts**

**phoenix, 12:07 pm: dude, it's.. barely noon.. and i'm hungry, and horny,, idk what to do**

**buttercup, 12:07 pm: ,,,masturbate,,? like any normal person ??**

**phoenix, 12:08 pm: but i'm too hungry to bust a nut**

**buttercup, 12:08 pm: john are you still high lmao**

**phoenix, 12:09 pm: no**

**phoenix, 12:09 pm: i don't want 2 get up and get food**

**buttercup, 12:10 pm: make jay or tyler get it**

**buttercup, 12:10 pm: also i still dont believe theyre dating bitch**

**phoenix, 12:11 pm: BITCH**

**phoenix, 12:11 pm: _> >>> photo attached_**

**phoenix, 12:11 pm: _> >>> photo attached_**

**phoenix, 12:11 pm: don't test me**

**buttercup, 12:12 pm: well,,, it seems i was wrong**

**phoenix, 12:13 pm: dummy :)**

**buttercup, 12:13 pm: whatever**

**phoenix, 12:13 pm: hELP I'M HORNIER THAN IW AS BEFORE**

**buttercup, 12:14 pm: ?? what do u want from me?? go get laid or smthn if you'er that horny sheesh**

**phoenix, 12:14 pm: but that's not easyyyyyy**

**buttercup, 12:15 pm: for you it isn't :]**

**phoenix, 12:15 pm: fuck u**

**phoenix, 12:15 pm: how often do u get laid jesus**

**buttercup, 12:16 pm: i mean i haven't been going out of my way 2 get some good fucc,, but i usually give dicc like 3 times a month at //leeast//**

**phoenix, 12:16 pm: FUCKBOY**

**phoenix, 12:16 pm: u better fuckin enjoy that while it lasts bc when we start dating again there's only 1 boy u can dicc down and/or receive dicc from**

**buttercup, 12:17 pm: that's all i need bb ;)))**

**buttercup, 12:18 pm: luke has no idea i'm capable of hooking up w people and is constantly trying to egt me out of the house smh**

**buttercup, 12:18 pm: honestly last week i hooked up w a girl and i was so uncomfortable i hate vaginas i forgot how much i hated vaginas**

**phoenix, 12:19 pm: LMAOOOOOOOO LUAKS WHaT**

**buttercup, 12:19 pm: i was stoned and horny ok dont judge me**

**phoenix, 12:20 pm: HOW DID U FORGET U WERE FUCKING GAY**

**buttercup, 12:20 pm: I DONT KNOW IM SORRY OK**

**buttercup, 12:21 pm: when it ws over i awkwardly patted her back and said "sorry, i like dick better"**

**phoenix, 12:22 pm: jfawiejfkwjenfLIQENF**

**phoenix, 12:22 pm: NO YOU DIDNT**

**buttercup, 12:23 pm: she was incredibly offended**

**phoenix, 12:24 pm: i cant believe u oh my ogd**

**buttercup, 12:25 pm: ,,whoops?:):)?:)?**

**phoenix, 12:25 pm: you're like, an actual idiot lmao**

**buttercup, 12:26 pm: i know**

**phoenix, 12:26 pm: ugh**

**buttercup, 12:27 pm: ??**

**phoenix, 12:27 pm: i'm,,,,still horny**

**buttercup, 12:28 pm: if u keep talking abt being horny i'm going to get horny shut the fuck up pleas**

**phoenix, 12:28 pm: hornnnnnny hoRNNnyyy i'm HORNYYYYYYYYY**

**buttercup, 12:28 pm: you're so annoying oh my lorddddddd**

**phoenix, 12:29 pm: fUUUCKKKkk meEeeEEe dDdDddaADDYYyyyYYYyY**

**buttercup, 12:30 pm: fucksake john**

Piece of shit.

I really didn't need this at 12:30.

Really didn't.

I had so much work to do.

But  _no,_ let's just text Lukas and get him all fucking worked up.

God damn it.

All of those texts were a joke and he still did it.

Fucksake.

**phoenix, 12:31 pm: OwO ??**

**buttercup, 12:32 pm: ,,,sigh**

**phoenix, 12:32 pm: ?? what**

**buttercup, 12:32 pm: "what"**

**phoenix, 12:33 pm: im missing smthn what i missing**

**buttercup, 12:33 pm: you're such an idiot istg**

**phoenix, 12:34 pm: ok then. hey lukas ?**

**buttercup, 12:34 pm: what john**

**phoenix, 12:34 pm: i'm horny**

**buttercup, 12:34 pm: so am i**

**phoenix, 12:35 pm: oh**

**phoenix, 12:35 pm: OH**

**phoenix, 12:35 pm: my bad lmao**

**buttercup, 12:36 pm: well i'm gonna watch gay porn and jerk off,, text u l8r**

**phoenix, 12:36 pm: wAIT**

**buttercup, 12:37 pm: w.ha.t**

**phoenix, 12:37 pm: skype call?**

**buttercup, 12:38 pm: right now? i just said i was going to jerk off**

**phoenix, 12:38 pm: ,,and you called me slow,,**

**buttercup, 12:38 pm: what am i missing**

**buttercup, 12:39 pm: OH**

**buttercup, 12:39 pm: oh my**

**buttercup, 12:39 pm: um**

**phoenix, 12:40 pm: lukas pls just give me a yes or no answer bc i'm jerking off either way i'd just prefer seeing you do it too y'know**

**buttercup, 12:41 pm: you're lucky i charged my laptop.**

**phoenix, 12:40 pm: eSKETIT**

**buttercup, 12:41 pm: ,,, remember how like 8 hrs ago we were like "let's take it slow"**

**phoenix, 12:42 pm: we're just bro's jerking off 2gether what' sthe big fuckin deal w that**

**buttercup, 12:42 pm: just sayin this doesnt seem v slow 2 me**

**phoenix, 12:43 pm: we don't have to obviously if you don't want to, that's totally fine**

**buttercup, 12:43 pm: oh my god just fucking call me already my dick's hard and needy**

**phoenix, 12:44 pm: THAT WAS VERY EXPLICIT**

**buttercup, 12:44 pm: esksetit**

**phoenix, 12:45 pm: w8 how r we going into this,, like, doe s it just happen or-**

**buttercup, 12:45 pm: idk i just wanna see u cutie**

**phoenix, 12:46 pm: yo ugot so horny so quickly, w,hat**

**buttercup, 12:47 pm: stop making fun of me and call me alrady pls**

I picked my head up to see that June had left my room at some point while I was talking to John. I shut the door, locking it as I heard the sound of a Skype call. I sat on my bed, kicking my legs up as I answered the call.

John's face popped onto the screen, and he was staring at his camera with furrowed eyebrows. "What the fuck are you doing, John?" I asked, and he jumped, clearly startled.

"Fuck! You scared the shit out of me," He muttered, and clasped his hands over his face, taking a few deep breaths. I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair. He leaned back in his seat, and I bit my lip when I saw his v-line, his pants incredibly low and shirt riding up on his belly a bit due to the position he was in. God, he was  _so_ fucking hot.

"My bad," I murmured, smiling a little. "You look cute, John."

Even through the screen, I could see his face go pink. 

"I, uh, th-thanks," He murmured, and I winked.

"Excited?"

"Lukas," He whined, covering his face. "You're making this awkward."

"No I'm not," I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair again. "You're just overthinking it."

"Am I?" He picked his head up, blushing as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I am."

"I've fucked you, John." I murmured rather nonchalantly, resting my head against the wall. "This is nothing compared to that."

"I've fucked you, too," he mumbled, making me giggle a little. 

"Yeah, but once you got a feel for the dick, that's all you wanted," I hummed, grinning as his face got red again. "Remember, John? How it felt? How I made you feel?"

I bit my lip as I recalled plenty of nights where I had pulled John into my grip, melted him with my soft kisses, and then made him whine and moan my name minutes later. I glanced at the screen, my breath quickening when I laid my eyes upon the image of a very disheveled, very attractive boy. I swallowed, hard, incredibly turned on by just watching him.

Fuck, this was going to be good.


	8. Chapter 8

**john**

 

_two weeks later_

When Axel asked me out on this date, I had every intention of saying no. I  _said_ no, about ten times. I counted.

Then he showed up on my doorstep, and I didn't really have a choice. Tyler and Jay weren't home, so I couldn't get them to help me out. Also, I'd feel like a jackass if I just shut the door on his face, despite how uncomfortable he was making me.

Now, I sat there, in a restaurant, and Axel was across from me, staring down at the menu. I swore I was on the verge of a panic attack.

"You know what you're getting?" He asked, and I shook my head,

"N-Not yet. I, uh, I'm a.. picky eater." I stumbled over my words, tapping my fingers nervously against my leg, which was bouncing up and down.

"It's a pretty chill place," Axel said, and I nodded, a little afraid to meet his eyes. This guy was okay at first, but he was incredibly off-putting now, and I really didn't like it. Obviously. "Not too many fancy options. So, John, tell me about yourself?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, pinching my skin and hoping this was all some sort of really weird dream. Of course, nothing happened. "There's, um.. really not th-that much to know."

"Sure there is," He chuckled, tilting his head. "Like.. what's your favorite color?"

"Um, blue," I murmured, anxiously chewing my lower lip. I soon realized what I was doing and stopped, leaning back in my seat with a sigh.

"See, that's something I didn't know before. Mine's orange," He smiled, and I nodded, forcing a smile back at him. I picked my head up when I saw the waitress coming over. She asked for our orders and I scarcely paid attention, mumbling mine quietly. Somehow, she still managed to pick it up, and she whizzed off. "When's your birthday?"

"Uhm, July 25," I murmured, running my fingers through my hair.

"Ah, cool. Mine's in April," He said. "April 29."

I slowly frowned.

That was Lukas' birthday.

"Oh, um," I rubbed the back of my neck, "cool."

Axel's eyes met mine and I frowned, feeling like he was digging into me for a sign of something. I tried my best to tear my gaze off of him, but I couldn't. It was like I was frozen.

It was similar to how Dr. Streinz made me feel, and I hated that.

Eventually, he glanced away, and I looked down, my uneasiness only growing. When I glanced over at him again, he was on his phone, a concentrated look on his face. I frowned, my eyebrows furrowing a bit. I grabbed my glass of water, sipping at it.

"So, you're twenty-one?" He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded. "Cool. I'm twenty-two myself."

"Fun," I sighed, sipping my water again.

"Well uh, what's new in your life?" He asked, and I hummed, swirling the straw in the water in an attempt to calm myself.

"Not much."

"Anything at all? New people? Friendships? Reconnecting?" 

I glanced at him, frowning. "What do you mean?"

"Like, have you.. uh," Axel trailed off, running his fingers through his hair. "Have you reformed relationships or anything?"

"Why.. do you ask..?" I furrowed my eyebrows, my uneasiness spiking again.

Who the fuck  _was_ this guy?

"No reason, I just like people when I know they're capable of reforming relationships when they might break." He spoke quickly, and I frowned.

"Uh, I-" I was about to speak, but he quickly cut me off.

"Don't like, feel afraid to talk to me, John. I'm here to know about you. I wanna know everything." His eyes met mine as I spoke, and I grew increasingly more uncomfortable. He reached across the table and rested his hand on mine, and I found that I couldn't move it.

I couldn't move an inch.

"So, new people in your life?"

I found words being pulled out of me, although I had no intention of speaking. "Nobody new, apart from you."

"That's pretty neat," Axel chuckled. Our eyes met and I frowned when I realized they were darker than normal. He blinked, and I swore his white scleras turned black for a second. "Anything you're worried about?"

"My health," I muttered. What the  _fuck?_ I hadn't meant to say that. I hadn't meant to say anything at all.

"What about it?"

"It's degrading."

It is!?

He frowned, tilting his head a bit. "What about relationships? Anyone you've recently reconnected with?"

"Yes."

I was beginning to panic. He was pulling these answers out of me. I didn't know how, or why, but I also didn't care. I just wanted to get the  _fuck_ out of there.

I glanced down, and looked at his hand. His palm was facing me, and his fingers were slightly curled. It reminded me of when Lukas was just beginning to use his powers.

I glanced at him again, and my heart dropped.

The whites of his eyes had gone black again.

Except they were staying like that.

"Who?"

I bit my lip. I wasn't going to tell him about Lukas. I didn't know who this man was but I was positive he didn't need to know who Lukas was.

Axel raised an eyebrow, and our eyes met. I knew he could tell I was fighting against.. whatever the fuck kind of hold he had on me. His grip on my hand tightened and I tried jerking it away, but of course, it didn't work.

"John, I asked who."

"M-My ex," I huffed, grateful that he hadn't managed to pull Lukas' name out.

"What's their name?"

I shook my head, biting my lip hard. He didn't need to know. He shouldn't know.

I sat there, and I kept my mouth shut, and I made eye contact with Axel. His dark eyes bore into mine and made my skin crawl. "John," He chuckled, running his tongue over his teeth,  _"what's their name?"_

"N-None of your business," I hissed, and winced when he dug his nails into my hand. I glanced over, startled to realize they weren't really nails at all. They were.. claws. I watched blood drip from my hand, and suddenly recalled what Lukas had told me once, after he got out of the lab for the first time.

_"Nobody ever asks a question they don't already know the answer to."_

I snapped my gaze onto Axel again, fear crawling through me when he leaned forward, his face close enough to mine to where I could feel his breath.

"I know you miss him," he whispered, pulling his nails- claws- whatever the fuck- out of my hand. I winced, swallowing when he locked me in his stare again. "I suggest being careful, John. Don't piss me off. I know the things you feel. The  _episodes._ They're getting worse, aren't they?" He smiled, and suddenly wrapped his hand around my throat. His fingers snapped, and everyone around us seemed to vanish.

I grabbed his arm, trying to pull him off of me. "They're becoming more and more frequent. More and more deadly. Scarier.  _Realer._ Is this an episode? Are  _you_ hallucinating, too?"

"G-Get off of me," I spat, making Axel's face wrinkle in disgust. His venomous eyes observed me, as if he was my predator and I was his prey. 

"So innocent," He sighed, then giggled, grabbing my sleeve and pulling it down, making my shoulder visible. "That's really too bad."

"Wh-What are you  _fucking_ doing?" I whispered, my voice cracking. He chuckled, then leaned forward, his lips less than a centimeter away from my shoulder.

"Ruining everything."

And then he bit into my shoulder.

I bit my lip again, shutting my eyes as pain penetrated my flesh. He held his teeth in my skin for a fair amount of time, before he pulled off of me. I opened my eyes, glancing at him. "What the fuck!?"

I looked at my shoulder again, not surprised to see it bleeding. Axel laughed, grabbing my face and making me look at him. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, John, but I like it when things get a little chaotic. You're going to have  _so_ much fun."

"What?" I glanced at my shoulder again, confused when it no longer hurt. I ran my fingers over it, pushing the blood out of the way. My eyes widened when there wasn't an open wound, but instead a gray mark where Axel's teeth had sunk into my flesh. "What did you do to me?"

"Made you better," He whispered, chuckling. "I was just like Lukas, y'know."

My heart dropped and I quickly turned my head to look at him, my eyebrows furrowing. "W-What?"

"Lukas. He was experimented on. I know  _all_ about him," He chuckled, leaning back in his seat. "I was in his shoes. I know what it's like. I know what the white-coats are like. Except when  _they_ screwed up.. when  _I_ went wrong.. they tried killing me.  _I_ was the failed subject. I was supposed to be their demon. Now I'm just a tempest. That's what you are, too."

Axel soon paused, shaking his head. "Why am I telling you any of this? Jesus, Dad's gonna kick my fucking ass." He snapped his fingers again, and everyone returned. Everything around us went back to normal.

I grabbed my phone. "Goodbye, Axel." I shook my head, still fucking terrified of what had happened. 

"This won't be our goodbye. Not yet, John. See you later." He chuckled, and I shook my head, standing up and walking away.

I brushed past people, then ran out the door, and halfway down the street, until I collapsed, falling onto my knees. I shook as I grabbed my phone, hurriedly calling someone, not really even sure whose name I had pressed on.

"John?" The second I heard Lukas' voice I was filled with relief.

"L-Lukas, help, please, I-"

"What happened? Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm on the street that- the one restaurant- the lemon place-"

"Oh. Okay, I'll be there soon, okay? I'm coming to pick you up."

"H-Hurry, Lukas,  _please._ "

"Are you hurt at all? John, you're okay, right?"

"I'm fine, I just.. please, just come."

"Okay, I'll be there in like, three minutes. I live right by the restaurant. You're going to be alright, okay? Phoenix, are you listening to me?"

I pushed myself up and sat against a wall, hugging my knees to my chest as I held the phone to my ear. "Y-Yeah."

"I'm on my way right now, okay? Just keep breathing for me, Johnny. Alright?" Lukas' voice was gentle and reassuring. I shut my eyes and tried catching my breath, breathing slowly and deeply.

A few minutes passed and Lukas kept talking to me the entire time. I was really just focused on calming down. Eventually Lukas hung up and I opened my eyes to see him running over. He crouched down beside me, frowning. "John, what happened? Are you alright?"

I shook my head, sniffling. He sighed, then pulled me up, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I hugged him back, tears threatening to escape my eyes. He rubbed my back, then walked me to his car. I got in, quietly staring at the floor. "Do you want to go home?"

"C-Could I go to your place for a little?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. He nodded,

"Of course."

He pulled out and started driving. I sniffled, rubbing my shoulder as it started to ache all of a sudden. Recalling what Axel had done only made everything worse. I shut my eyes as my head began to pound.

When I opened my eyes again, the car was parked. Lukas got out, then quickly opened the door for me. I got out, smiling a little when he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into his grip, relaxing ever so slightly.

We walked to the door, where he quickly unlocked it. "Luke! I'm back," He called, and I glanced around, observing how the house was set up. It definitely made sense that Luke and Lukas lived here.

Luke walked into the room, pausing when he saw us. "Whoah, what the fuck? John? Lukas, what happened?"

"I don't know," Lukas murmured, shutting the door. "That's what I'm going to figure out."

"My head hurts," I sniffled, and Luke chuckled.

"I'll get you some painkillers and a glass of water." Before I could say anything, he was already walking away. Lukas walked me to the couch, and I quickly collapsed onto it.

"You alright?" He sat beside me, resting his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head,

"Not really."

"What happened, Johnny?" Lukas frowned, glancing at me.

"I.. I don't know where to start," I chuckled, rubbing my eyes.

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere." He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers, giving it a gentle squeeze. I sniffled, calming a bit. 

"So, there's this guy," I started, and he nodded, rubbing his thumb over my hand gently. "I hooked up with him at least.. at least over a month ago, and I really wanted that to be the end of it. He uh, he texted me a lot afterwards, but I didn't really reply a whole bunch. This morning he texted me over and over, asking me to go on a date with him, and over and over, I said no."

I watched as Luke walked in the room, a glass of water in one hand and pills in the other. He handed them to me, and I sat up a bit, nodding at him. "Thanks, Luke." I took them, swallowing down quite a bit of the water.

"No problem, man." He smiled. "Am I allowed to be in the room or do I have to go upstairs?"

"No, you can stay, it's fine." I sniffled, putting the glass down on the table. "So I kept telling this guy no, but uh, he showed up at my front door. Tyler and Jay weren't home so I.. I kind of had to go."

Glancing over at Lukas, he seemed a little pissed off. "He forced you to go on a date with him?"

"I, well.. I could have said no, but then I would have felt bad, and-"

"So he forced you to go on a date with him." Luke cut me off, and I shrugged.

"I guess."

"Who is this guy?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Um.." I frowned, "His name is Axel."

Both of them went very quiet, and they shared a look.

"W-What?"

"Axel?" Lukas frowned, looking at me. "Are you.. are you sure?"

"Yes," I nodded. "Ginger, pale, looks like a teen but he's actually in his twenty's?"

Lukas' eyes jerked over and landed on Luke. "I fucking  _told_ you there was something wrong with that guy!"

"What in the fuck.." Luke sat down, running his fingers through his hair.

"Can I continue?" I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Yeah, go ahead." Lukas glanced over at me, squeezing my hand again.

The next fifteen minutes were spent explaining everything that happened. How uncomfortable he made me. How weirded out I was. How, all of a sudden, he became the scariest person in the room.

"Then he, uh.. he like.." I sighed, pulling my sleeve down so my shoulder was visible. "He.. bit me."

The boys were quiet as they gazed at the mark on my shoulder.

"Then he said he related to Lukas." I rubbed the back of my neck, and Lukas' eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at me.

"Huh?"

"He said he was experimented on by the white-coats. That he was a failed experiment. And that he was called, uh.. a.. a tempest? Or something like that. And then he said I was one, too."

"I've never mentioned anything to  _anyone_ about the white-coats," Lukas murmured. "He was..? What the  _fuck?_ None of this makes sense."

"My head hurts again," I whined, shifting to rub at my temples. "Like, behind my eyes, too. Ugh, everything fucking hurts."

I dropped my hands and curled them into fists, gazing down at my rings. "The.. tempest?" Luke frowned. "That's what they called him?"

Lukas straightened and he glanced at Luke. "What if that's what his- his nickname was? The Tempest?"

"That's what I'm saying," Luke nodded. "That's creepy."

"He said he was supposed to be their demon, but they fucked up. What does that.." I trailed off when a wave of pain washed through me. "Ah, fuck."

"John? Are you alright?" Lukas asked, rubbing my back.

I shook my head, shutting my eyes. "It- it hurts."

"What hurts?"

"Everything."

"That doesn't help much," Luke murmured, and I sniffled.

"No, like, literally e-everything hurts." I muttered. I opened my eyes when Lukas suddenly grabbed my hand,

"He did this?" He pointed at the marks on the top of it, from where he had dug his claws into my skin.

"Y-Yeah."

"Hey, Johnny? Could you look at me?" I blinked, glancing over at him. Our eyes met and he frowned. "Luke, um. C'mere?"

"What?" Luke stood up, walking over and glancing at me. He almost immediately frowned.

"Could you two stop staring and tell me what's wrong?"

"Uh, your eyes." Lukas murmured, "They're.."

"The  _whites_  of your eyes," Luke sighed. "Not all of your eyes. They're black."

"W-What?" I felt my heart drop. Luke pulled out his phone, then quickly took a picture of me. He turned his phone over and showed me the photo. Sure enough, my irises were normal, but my scleras weren't. They were black.

Just like Axel's were.

"What the.. what the fuck?" I whispered, then frowned. "Axel- he- he said I was one, too."

"One what?" Lukas rested his hand on my shoulder again, and I gazed down at the floor, too unnerved to look at either of them.

"A Tempest."

The room was quiet, until Luke straightened. "I'm going to google this guy. See if anything comes up."

"We don't even know his last name," Lukas murmured, and I felt my eyes well up with tears. I kept my gaze down, not wanting to break down in front of either of them.

God, I  _really_ was a fucking monster now, wasn't I?

"Doesn't matter. I'll google it anyways. Failed experiments. What was that one doctor guy, back at the lab? The one you killed?" Luke shifted, and I blinked a little.

"Dr. Streinz?" Lukas asked.

My eyes widened and I felt my body get cold.

"Yeah, that guy. Maybe we can search up on him."

"Repeat his name for me?" I lifted my head and glanced at Lukas. He blinked,

"Dr.. Streinz..?"

"I think I'm going to be sick." I held my face in my hands, groaning.

"What? Why?" He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him.

"Could you tell me what he looks like?" I asked, glancing at him. Lukas frowned,

"Uh.. middle-aged? Kinda tall? Really creepy? Cold eyes. Why do you ask?"

I shifted, hugging my knees to my chest as I recalled the amount of times Dr. Streinz had spoken to me. Taken tests on me. Attempted to comfort me. Scared the shit out of me.

"He's not dead," I whispered. 

"What? Why would you think that?" Luke chuckled, sitting down again. "I watched Lukas put a bullet through his spine. He's definitely dead, John."

"He's my doctor." I whispered, glancing over at Luke. "He.. he's the one who's giving me medicine for my episodes." I looked over at Lukas after I said that.

Lukas bit his lip. "You.. you know for sure it's the guy we're talking about?"

I nodded, sniffling. "The guy scares the shit out of me," I whispered, running my fingers through my hair. "Reminds me of Axel."

"The guy.. who injected me with the disease.." Lukas murmured, shaking his head, "is trying to help you get rid of it?"

"This is a lot. I'm going to go smoke about thirty blunts and google what the fuck is going on," Luke sighed, walking out of the room before either of us could say anything.

I felt my eyes tear up again, another wave of pain washing over me. "John? Are you okay?"

I shook my head, unable to prevent tears from falling. "No."

He pulled me into a hug, wrapping me up in his arms. I felt safe against him, secure in his familiar embrace. I rested my head against his shoulder as I cried, my fingers curling around the fabric of his shirt. He rubbed my back, whispering quietly in my ear as he comforted me. "It's alright, Johnny. I've got you, okay? You're always going to be safe with me. I promise. And I know I promised not to keep any promises," he chuckled a little, "but I promise you that. Because I'm  _never_ going to let anyone hurt you. Not when you're with me, at least. Okay?"

"I'm so scared, L," I whispered, and he sighed, rocking us side to side. I shut my eyes as my tears kept flowing, and he soon pressed a kiss to my temple.

"I know. I'm scared too, Johnny. But it's all going to work out, 'cause I'm going to kick someone's fucking ass if it doesn't." Lukas murmured, and I pulled away from him to look at him, my vision blurry from my tears. He reached forward and wiped the tears off of my face, pulling the strands of hair off of it as well and moving them to the side. Our eyes met, and he giggled softly. "Y'know, if anyone else looked at me with partially black eyes, I'd be shitting my pants. But I look at you and you're still fucking gorgeous."

I felt my face get hot, and I hummed, taking his hands to intertwine our fingers. "How long's it been since we said we weren't ready?"

"Like, two weeks." He chuckled lightly, and I lifted my gaze to meet eyes with him.

"I'm not sure I'm ready, Lukas" I whispered, then scooped his face up with my hands, "but I know I damn well want to be."

He grinned, then leaned forward, erasing the gap between us as our lips met. I melted into the kiss, so fucking in love with the way it felt. He draped his hands around my neck as we kissed, and our tongues soon danced together, to a rhythm that was familiar, but brand new at the same time. I moved my hands up to run them through his hair, eventually pulling away to breathe. I opened my eyes to see him gazing at me with a dumb smile, and I knew I mirrored his expression.

"I've been craving that for so long," Lukas giggled, and I laughed, leaning in to kiss him again. He kissed me back, hugging me once we parted. 

"So, since all those years ago,  _you_ asked  _me_ out.." I hummed, wrapping my arms around him, "I guess it's my turn, huh?"

He shrugged, tilting his head at me. "Maybe."

"Lukas Reed," I murmured, taking his hand and kissing the top of it, "would you do me the honor of becoming my boyfriend? Uh.. again?"

He laughed, nodding his head. "Gladly."

We shared another kiss, one that made my heart feel like it was going to fly up and out of my chest. When we parted again, he laid down, pulling me down with him. He tucked me under his arm, and I rested my head against his chest, smiling as I heard his heartbeat. I sat up a bit, but only so I could get a better look of his pretty face.

"Hey, Buttercup?" I asked, smiling. Lukas glanced at me, a smile of his own forming.

"What's up, Phoenix?" 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

He pulled my face down, making me giggle as we kissed. I pulled away after a bit, snuggling against him. He kissed my cheek, chuckling when I smiled at him.

"We went pretty long without each other," I murmured, and he snorted.

"And we're finally back together once everything's chaotic again."

"It's because the world's insane but you're the only thing that's keeping me sane," I winked at him, and he sighed, smacking my arm lightly despite the smile on his face.

"That was terrible," He muttered.

"It was incredible and you're just too prideful to admit it."

"No no, I'm pretty sure it was absolutely terrible."

"Okay, come up with something better, then."

"Give me a topic."

"Uh.. sugar."

"Did you sit on sugar? 'Cause you've got a sweet ass!"

"Lukas, I've heard that a thousand times."

"You never said it had to be original."

"I thought it was implied!"

"You're so fuckin' vague with this shit."

"I am not."

"You totally are."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Nope."

"Mhm."

"Not at all."

"Absolutely."

"No way."

"A hundred percent way."

"Could you two shut the  _fuck_ up!?" Luke shouted from whatever room he was in, and we both burst into laughter.

"Jeez, he's grumpy," I chuckled, and Lukas shook his head.

"He's complaining, but if he's caught on that we're dating again, then he's probably freaking out in his room." He laughed a little, and I smiled as I gazed at him. His eyes practically twinkled with happiness, and damb, did it look good on him. His recently re-dyed hair was vibrant, the streaks of color contrasting nicely against his pale skin. His freckles, one of my favorite things about him- although everything about him was one of my favorite things about him- stood out, splashing all over his face in a spectacular way. I leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his nose,

"Have I ever told you how fucking beautiful you are?"

"Countless times," He chuckled, his face getting a bit pink.

"Good, because you should know. It's the truth." I smiled, and he rolled his eyes, although his cheeks grew even redder. "You're the cutest boy in the world!" I smushed his cheeks together, giggling a little.

"John, stop it," He murmured, his words coming out weird because of his smushed cheeks. I laughed harder at that, leaning forward to press a little kiss to his lips, then pulling away shortly after. I dropped my hands, raising an eyebrow when he shifted, looking down at me.

"As much as I love your compliments, I'm afraid I have to call you out. You're lying," He sighed, frowning and shaking his head.

"Oh, really?" I inquired, chuckling. "This is news to me."

"You see, you said  _I_ was the cutest boy in the world," Lukas said. "I am not. Another boy is." He leaned down, kissing my forehead. "His name is John Kryoz."

"I think you're lying," I chuckled, although I felt myself blush anyways. "Definitely not the cutest boy."

"Shut up and quit lying to me." He shook his head. "John Kryoz is the most magnificent sight in this entire universe. Crazy how one man is capable of that, but he somehow is."

I felt my face get even hotter and I rolled my eyes, pulling him into a kiss. He kissed me back. When we parted again, he hugged me close to his side, kissing my cheek. "How long are you staying, baby?" He asked, and I smiled, loving how easily he called me that.

"I don't know. At least a few more hours," I murmured, and he nodded,

"Okay. Good. Could you grab the remote? It's on the table. We can watch a movie or something," Lukas said, and I leaned over to grab the remote. I gave it to him, and he smiled at me.

"Thanks, cutie."

"You're welcome, loser."

"Oh, okay, so you're a cutie but I'm a loser?"

"You're a cute loser."

"Good enough for me."

He leaned over to grab a blanket, and threw it over us as he scrolled through selections. I cuddled into his side, resting my head against him. "I missed this," I murmured, and he sighed happily, kissing my cheek again.

"Me too."

"I'm never, ever,  _ever_ gonna let you go again, got it, shithead?" I raised an eyebrow as I glanced at him, and he giggled.

"Not even if I have to piss?"

"I'll carry you to the bathroom."

"My knight in shining armor," He cooed, and I rolled my eyes, laughing. "Coming to save me, a poor damsel in distress."

"Shut your mouth, Reed," I sighed, despite the fact that I was grinning.

"Can I shut your mouth with mine?"

"That was  _horrible._ " I giggled, shaking my head at his awful attempt at flirting. Lukas chuckled,

"Oh my lord, I missed the  _fuck_ out of your cute ass giggles."

"Shut up!"

"No! I will never shut up. I'm going to annoy you and shower you in love until the day we die."

"Woe is me," I sighed, throwing a hand over my forehead, "I'm stuck to listen to my boyfriend's pretty laughter and soothing words until the void comes and sucks the life out of our souls."

"Okay, it was really cute until that last part," Lukas laughed, and I did too, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"I'm such a flirt, aren't I?"

"You truly are," He smiled. I kissed his lips, and he kissed me back, smiling into it. When we parted, I shifted until I was comfy. He ran his fingers through my hair, finally choosing something to watch. "Johnny, look at me?"

I blinked, glancing over at him. He hummed, raising an eyebrow. "Your eyes are normal again," He said, and I blinked.

"Huh. I don't know what changed."

"You in any pain right now?"

"No."

"Maybe that's why. Whatever the case, you look cute both ways."

"Shut it, Reed."

"Never ever."

I sighed, "Alright.. I guess that's fine with me."

"Good."

Lukas intertwined our fingers and kissed the top of my hand, then pulled me closer to him as we cuddled. I relaxed against him, finding my eyes resting on his face more often than they were on the movie.

I was back in Lukas' arms, right where I belonged. And despite the hectic shit that was going on around us, I was confident that we'd power through it, as long as we stayed together.

And God damb it, we are going to stay together this time.

I promise it.


	9. Chapter 9

**lukas**

 

"John," I giggled, "let go."

"No," He whined, tightening his grip around me, "I don't want to go home."

"Baby, I've already got the car in front of the apartment," I chuckled. "You have to walk, like, twenty feet."

"More than that," He mumbled, shoving his face against my chest. "I don't want to leave you. I want more cuddles. I didn't get enough."

"You're so  _needy,_ " I laughed, kissing his forehead. Suddenly his head jerked up and his eyes widened,

"Bella!"

"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows. He opened the door and climbed over my lap to get out of the car, then pulled me out of it as well. He shut the door and grabbed my hand, dragging me away. "John, what the fuck!?"

We stopped in front of a car, and I widened my eyes when I realized whose it was.

It was my old car.

I took a step forward, tentatively placing it on the roof of her and smiling a little. "I kept her," John murmured, "hoping you'd come back someday. In the mess that life was while you were back, I forgot to give her back. But here she is."

I glanced at him, blinking when he handed me a set of keys. "You keep the keys on you?" I chuckled, and he smiled, nodding.

"Reminds me of you."

I blinked, feeling my face heat up. He grinned at that, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to my cheek. I opened Bella up, sliding into the driver's seat. I put the keys in, and turned them, grinning when I heard her roar.

"Fuck, I missed that noise," I said, running my fingers over the wheel. It was bittersweet, to be back in the car. I only had for about a week before I was taken to the lab, so it was about three years since I'd seen her. "Bella is the only female I will ever willingly be inside of."

John snorted, "Didn't you fuck a girl a few weeks ago?"

"Shut the  _fuck_ up," I muttered, glaring at him. He only laughed harder, and I rolled my eyes, grabbing his wrists and pulling him into the car. He fell on top of me, his hands gripping onto my shirt as he fumbled for a grip.

"Asshole," He grumbled, and I laughed, kissing his forehead.

"You're right, assholes are the only things I'll be fucking from n-"

"Lukas!" He smacked my arm, and I laughed harder. Our eyes met and through my laughter, I felt my heart spin in my chest. He was gazing at me with a disappointed expression, but he was sort of half-grinning, a grin that wasn't all the way there but only because he was fighting it back. Eventually he stopped resisting it and just shook his head, chuckling. "I hate you."

"I hate you too, Phoenix." I scooped his face up and pressed my lips against his, smiling when he kissed me back. He straddled my lap, pushing me down onto my back as our tongues fought. Eventually, he pulled away, and gazed down at me, our faces inches apart. His hand rested against my cheek, his thumb brushing my skin gently.

"God, I'm so fucking in love with you," John whispered, and I could tell I was blushing again. His words made my heart heavy, but it wasn't a bad kind. No, it was the best kind of heavy there was. The kind that overwhelmed me in a sense of security, protection, and love. "Fuck. Fuck, baby, I can't describe how you make me feel."

He ran his fingers down my face, caressing my skin and sending ripples of happiness through it as he did so. He treated me like I was some sort of masterpiece, and I really wasn't, but I couldn't say I didn't love the way he looked at me. His eyes lowered and raised every so often, as he flickered them back and forth, up and down my face. His eyelashes batted against his eyelids when he raised them fairly high, and I grew overcome with a need to rant about how in love with him I was for the next three years.

It was a movie scene, the way he hovered his face above mine, taking it in for everything it was. The way the sinking sun lit his face in pretty, orange lighting, illuminating his sky blue eyes. The way his hair fell in messy curls around his face, the ends of it tickling against my skin lightly. The way his pink lips curled into a small smile as he stared at me. 

I sat up, gently pushing him up with me. I tilted his face towards mine and captured his lips in a kiss. And though we had shared many kisses throughout the day, I found myself liking this one the most. Because it wasn't just an 'I-missed-you' kiss, or an 'I'm-sorry' kiss. It was an 'I-love-you' kiss. And yeah, we've had plenty of those.

But this time, something was different.

I think both of us matured a little in the few months we were apart. Spending time away from each other allowed us to focus on ourselves. On who we were. On who we weren't. On who we wanted to be, who we wished we were, who we hoped we never became.

We weren't kids anymore.

I was fucking in love with him.

At eighteen years old I knew he was the one I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.

_"Wonder where we'll be in the future," I whispered, swinging our hands. John hummed, glancing at me._

_"Who knows, babe."_

_"Think we'll be having fun?"_

_"Well, duh. Why wouldn't we be having fun if we're right by each other's side?" He raised an eyebrow at me as we walked down the beach, the wind blowing his hair and making me chuckle._

_"I don't know," I sighed, glancing down at the brand new, shiny ring on my finger. "Just afraid we won't be by each other's side."_

_"Buttercup," He paused, picking my hand up, "I promised we would. I'm not going to break that promise."_

_"I know," I murmured. "But I don't know. I can't possibly know, and that- that scares the shit out of me."_

_John frowned, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'm never going to let you get away from me. Not if I can do anything about it, okay? Lukas, are you listening to me, baby?"_

_I nodded, sniffling as I felt my eyes tear up. "I- I'm sorry, I shouldn't be getting so worked up, I-"_

_"Never apologize to me for crying," He murmured, shaking his head. "Don't be sorry. It's alright, you can cry, okay? I'm right here, Lukas." He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face into his shoulder as I cried._

_"I'm- I'm sorry-"_

_"Lukas," He hushed me, rubbing my back, "what did I just say, dummy? Don't be sorry. Please don't be sorry." He kissed the top of my head, sighing against it. "Let it out, baby. I'm here."_

_"I'm just so scared," I whispered, shaking a little as he swayed us a bit. "I'm scared of- of losing you. I couldn't.. I wouldn't know what to do. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I can't lose that."_

_He pulled away from me then, his thumbs leaning up and wiping the tears off of my face. I was surprised to see his own eyes tearing up. "You have no idea how much that means to me," He whispered, chuckling a little as he blinked. A tear rolled down his cheek, and he sniffled, hurriedly moving his hand to wipe it away. "Listen to me, Lukas. I love you. I love you so much." He kissed my head, pulling me against him in another hug._

_"I love you too, John," I whispered._

_"I'm always going to be here for you."_

And he always was.

We parted, and I gazed at him with teary eyes. John frowned, wiping my eyes with his thumbs before my tears could completely fall. "You alright, L?"

"You're so important to me," I whispered, suddenly finding it hard to speak. "Oh my God, I love you so much. Like, you don't understand, John," I grabbed his hand, "I want to marry you someday. I want to grow old with you. I want to have a future with you. I'm so fucking in love with you."

His face got a bit pink, but he smiled as he gazed at me. "Buttercup? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When we're a little older," John said, gently squeezing my hand, "can we travel the world? Can we go to different countries and marvel in wonder at how life is so different there? Please?"

"Hell yeah," I chuckled, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. "Where would you want to go first?"

"Oh, I don't know." He shrugged, glancing up a little. "Maybe France, or something. Go to Paris. I know that's really basic," He blushed, glancing down. "Guess I'm a basic bitch."

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes, chuckling. "You're the farthest thing from basic I know. I think it's cute. You're such a hopeless romantic, y'know that?"

"Fuck off," John huffed, and I laughed.

"Someone's in denial, huh?" I raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"No, I just like Paris. It's cool." He murmured, and I nodded, not believing his weak claims even a little bit.

"Yeah, sure." I hummed, "Whatever you say, babe. Y'know, I swear, I remember there was one time I came home to a bed decorated in rose pet-"

"No you didn't!" He smacked me lightly, then groaned, covering his face. I laughed louder, pulling his hands off of his face.

"It's  _cute_ ," I assured him, kissing his nose, which was just as strawberry red as the rest of his face.

"Whatever," He grumbled, then yawned.

"We've spent about half an hour in this car," I sighed, chuckling. "You're really good at stalling."

"I know," John grinned, leaning forward and hooking his fingers around my collar. "I  _could_ be even better.."

"Heck off, John," I giggled, leaning forward to connect our lips. He relaxed against me, kissing me back. He loosened his grip on my collar, instead opting to drape his hands around my neck. I ran mine down his body, eventually settling them on his hips. When we parted, I sighed, resting my forehead against his. "Time to go home."

"I don't wanna," He frowned.

"You're acting like we're never going to see each other again, dork," I murmured. "I'm not very far away. We can text each other. And we have Skype."

"Mm, that's my favorite out of all of them," He smiled. I blinked,

"Why?"

"'Cause I get to see you all hot and bothered while you're jer-"

"Okay, I've heard enough." I cut him off, laughing a little as I felt my face get hot. "Shit. How am I meant to drive Bella home? Y'know what, I'm just going to leave Luke's car here. His lazy ass can get it."

"That's a little harsh," John chuckled as he slipped out of the car. I walked out after him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"He needs the exercise." I said, and he rolled his eyes, smiling.

"You're so mean to your friends, babe."

"Oh, please." I snorted, "You should see Luke when he's high, if you think my jokes are mean."

"Mm, not sure I do." He giggled, wrapping his arms around my neck. He pulled me into a kiss, and I kissed him back, smiling into it.

When we parted, he kissed my forehead, and then my nose, and then one of my cheeks. "I'm gonna miss you," He whined, and I rolled my eyes.

"John, baby, we've got plenty of time to hang out. You need to go home and sleep." I murmured. "I'm busy tomorrow, hanging out with some friends, but I'm free Saturday?"

"So am I," John smiled, then yawned. "What friends?"

"My friends in Australia," I explained. "They're heading over here for about a week or two."

"Oh, that's cool." He nodded, and I leaned forward, pressing a long, gentle, protective kiss to his forehead.

"Go get some sleep, love," I hummed, smiling at him. "Go cuddle with Luka and watch Netflix and drink water and fall asleep, okay?"

"Okay," He said, yawning again. "But only if you do, too."

"We could watch a movie together, figure how to make that work," I suggested, and he immediately grinned, nodding.

"Uh, yes?"

"Okay, okay, good." We shared another quick kiss before I gently pushed him away. "Now go! Go and never look back!"

He finger-gunned me, then turned around, walking away. He turned around again, and then stopped in his place. "Shit! I looked back! What do I do!?"

I sighed, unable to prevent giggles from escaping between my lips. "Go, you big dummy!"

"Fine! I love you!" 

"I love you too!"

I watched as he walked away, eventually slipping into the apartment complex. I slid into Bella, grinning at the butterflies in my belly. I started her up and pulled out, nothing on my mind other than the boy I was going to grow old with.

 

•

 

"Mason! Mason, get your ass over here!" I whisper-shouted to Mason, who was staring down at his phone as he recorded a Snapchat of his face. He picked his head up, glanced over, then walked over to me. I fell behind the rest of the group, chuckling as I watched the boys in front of us. "Look at Toby 'n Fitzy."

They were side-by-side, hands brushing every so often as they walked. Mason chuckled, "They're totally dating."

_"ZUCK!"_ I heard a loud scream and I groaned, covering my ears as Swagger approached. He walked over, propping himself on Mason's shoulder. "What's up, my boy?"

"Why'd you fucking come to this city with the Australians?" Mason groaned, rolling his eyes. "You live in America, you could've visited Lukas whenever."

"Well I didn't want to," He huffed, adjusting his helmet a bit.

"You ever gonna take this thing off?" Mason asked, quirking an eyebrow as he roughly jutted his finger into Swagger's helmet.

"Zuck, if he ever takes his helmet off it's going to be because he's beating you with it," I chuckled, running my fingers through my hair. We walked through the park slowly, making our way to the playground with slight hesitation. I told the guys it wasn't a good idea, but when I realized there were no kids in the playground, we decided to do it.

"Dang, Smit know's what's up!" Swagger laughed, and I rolled my eyes as I smiled. I felt my phone vibrate and I slipped it out, smiling when I saw who had texted me.

**phoenix, 4:05 pm: hey baby ! idk when you'll see this bc i know you're hanging out w/ your friendos, but how's your day been?**

**buttercup, 4:06 pm: it's been pretty good !! it's really fun getting to know the guys better, n finally meeting them in person too, y'know ? i think it'd be cool if you met them at some point this week**

**phoenix, 4:06 pm: they sound like pretty cool duders.**

**buttercup, 4:07 pm: they definitely are :) but how's your day been ?? i know we stayed up late,,, did you sleep in? tell me you slept in**

**phoenix, 4:07 pm: yeah i woke up at noon, lol. it's been alright. mostly an editing & recording day, tho i took luka to the dog park and bought groceries and did boring adult stuff, too**

**buttercup, 4:08 pm: the worst part abt being an adult is being an adult**

**phoenix, 4:08 pm: wise words, bb <3**

**buttercup, 4:09 pm: thanks cutie**

**phoenix, 4:09 pm: not really a cutie atm,, my hair is a mess 'n i'm drowning in a baggy ass hoodie lol**

**buttercup, 4:10 pm: send me a photo i need that in my life**

**phoenix, 4:10 pm: _> >>> photo attached_**

**phoenix, 4:10 pm: lol i look like a 12 y/o minecraft youtuber**

**buttercup, 4:11 pm: W HA T**

**buttercup, 4:11 pm: YOU'RE THE CUTEST BOY I'VE EVER SEEN ??????**

**buttercup, 4:11 pm: MY HEART**

**buttercup, 4:11 pm: I CAN'T**

**buttercup, 4:11 pm: OH MY FUCKING GOD**

**phoenix, 4:11 pm: ,,babe,,, shh,, i'mnot**

**buttercup, 4:12 pm: SHUT UP BABY BOY, YOU'RE THE CUTEST MOST PRECIOUS MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THIS WHOLE GALAXY AND I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH**

**buttercup, 4:12 pm: thanks for the new lock screen btw**

**phoenix, 4:13 pm: l u k a s**

**buttercup, 4:13 pm: <3**

**phoenix, 4:14 pm: i hate u so much**

**buttercup, 4:14 pm: ilyt bb**

**phoenix, 4:15 pm: <3**

**phoenix, 4:15 pm: i'm finna hop off love, still got editing to do. either i'll text you later or you can text me when you're not busy. have fun w your friendos !! ilysm, l**

**buttercup, 4:16 pm: ok! bye beautiful, i'll text you later :) get some good work done, i beeleaf in you !! ilyt, johnny**

I glanced over to see Mason staring at me. "Who was that?" He asked, and I shrugged. "You were staring at your phone with the biggest grin I think I've ever seen on anyone.. ever."

"Really?" I chuckled, slipping my phone in my pocket. I looked up to see the boys pausing as an ice cream truck rolled by, until they all took off after it. I shook my head, fumbling for my wallet as I picked up my pace so I didn't lose them. I skidded to a stop near them, watching as they waited in line with childish grins. I stepped up and pushed Toby, who was in the front of the line, out of the way, then slammed two twenty's on the little window thing. "Here, I'm paying. Keep the change."

I quickly stepped away before anyone could start yelling at me, chuckling when I saw their faces. I leaned against a tree, running my fingers through my hair. I watched with a content smile as my friends talked. Toby threw a wink at Fitz, and I wasn't surprised to see his face light up in a blush because of it. Swagger and Mason talked quietly, Mason reaching up and taking Swagger's helmet off for him. He was only wearing it because he thought it would scare any children in the park away from us. He was wrong, it only attracted them.

Eventually they all walked back over, glaring at me. "What?" I smiled, running my fingers through my hair.

"You fucking Canadian," Fitz muttered, rolling his eyes, "with your fucking niceness."

"It was nothing," I murmured, shrugging. "Really."

"So," Mason cleared his throat, " _who_ were you talking to?"

"Oh," I smiled, rubbing the back of my neck, "yeah. Uh, you.. you ever heard of that one YouTuber, uh, Kryoz?"

"Doesn't he do videos with.. those other guys?" Toby asked, and I chuckled a bit.

"Really specific, Toby," I rolled my eyes.

"Isn't his channel pretty big?" Swagger asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I grinned, feeling overwhelmingly proud of John.

"Yeah, I mean it's not like, crazy huge," I murmured, "but it's pretty up there."

"Cool," Fitz blinked. "What's he gotta do with what Zuck asked, though?"

"He's my boyfriend," I murmured, watching their reactions with a small grin.

"You're gay!?" From Mason.

"Lucky!" From Swagger.

Nothing from Fitz or Toby. I raised an eyebrow at them, and they  _literally_ stepped away from each other. "That's uh, that's cool," Fitz chuckled.

I opened my mouth to say something, then shut it when I saw a familiar face in the background.

Axel.

I straightened, running my fingers through my hair. "Hey, boys, stay here? I've got to do something."

"Lukas, what?" Toby asked, but I brushed past them, making my way over to Axel. The second his eyes caught mine I grabbed him by the shirt of his collar, slamming him against a tree.

"I don't know  _who_ you are, or what the  _fuck_ you want," I muttered, glaring at him, "but I want you to stay the fuck away from us. Got it?"

"Someone's moody," He frowned at me, and I bit my lip, trying to calm myself.

"Axel, you're lucky I'm not beating the shit out of you right now." I spoke. "I don't know what the fuck you did to John, but I don't want you near him again. Ever. If I ever see you I will  _not_ hesitate to fuck you up."

"Oh," He frowned, "finally connecting the dots? There's still plenty of things you don't know, Lukas. Oh, how little you really know. I wouldn't be throwing empty threats around like that, if I were you."

"Get the fuck out of our lives and I won't do anything, Axel." I hissed, "Stay here and keep pulling your bullshit- whatever the fuck you're pulling- and you leave me without a choice."

"You don't know what you're fucking with," He chuckled, and I watched as the whites of his eyes turned black. "I'd get your hands off of me if I was you, Lukas."

I took a step back, took my hands off of him, and then punched him in the jaw. He chuckled as he held a hand to his face, lifting it to glance at me. "My hands are off of you, just like you wanted, right?" I smiled. He lurched forward, digging his fingers into my shoulder. My thoughts immediately went to yesterday, when John informed me that he had fucking claws. I grabbed his wrist and tried prying it off of me, but it was too late when I felt his claws sink into my flesh.

I hissed and kicked my foot out, colliding it with his shin and making him topple over. I pushed him to the ground, pinning him there. Axel merely grinned up at me. "So fucking angry, Luka," He hummed, chuckling. "Wonder why? What for?"

"That was too easy," I murmured, staring at him in confusion. "But I'm not going to bother asking why you let me do this. I'm just going to take advantage of it."

I lifted my fist and punched him in the nose, cringing slightly when I heard a slight crack. I didn't bother giving him a chance to recuperate before I punched him again. And again. When I faltered for a second, he shoved me off of him, pushing me against the tree I had pinned him against minutes earlier.

"You're not very nice," He muttered, then lifted a hand, chuckling as he lightly dragged his claws across my face. He suddenly sunk them in and slashed his hand across my cheek, sending immediate ripples of pain throughout me. I shoved him off of me, shaking as I slammed him against another tree.

I didn't hesitate punching him another few times, not stopping once until I felt arms on my shoulders pulling me away from him and an incredible pain in my knuckles. "Lukas! Jesus Christ, you're going to kill the poor guy!" I recognized that to be Fitz.

I let my friends pull me away as I glared daggers at Axel, whose face was barely recognizable underneath the layers of blood and bruising. He pushed himself up, then winked at me, and walked away.

"What the fuck was that!?" Toby asked, his eyebrows furrowing. "What the fuck happened to your cheek!?"

"Long story," I muttered, glancing down. "Very, very long story that none of you need to be involved with."

"We've gotta take you to the hospital, dude. What about that other guy?" Mason frowned.

"No, it's fine. I've gotta take care of this. Going to drive home. Uh, we can hang out tomorrow too, right? You guys don't leave for another week or two, right?" I started walking away backwards, so I could see them as I talked to them. They all stared at me in a mixture of confusion and worry.

"Lukas, wh-" I cut Swagger off,

"That's a yes? Good! Thanks." I turned around and walked off, heading to my car, which was parked about half a block down. When I got there, I slid in the seat, turning it on. I grabbed my phone and turned my camera on so I could inspect my injuries.

Ouch.

I took a picture because it'd be fun showing it to my friends and getting them to lose their shit.

I should probably go to a hospital before everything starts hurting because of my adrenaline finally wearing off.

I slipped my phone in my pocket, pulled out of my parking space, and quickly drove off, heading to the nearest hospital.

My phone went off and I grabbed it, accepting the call and holding it to my ear as I drived. "Hello?"

"Lukas, baby, you alright? You called a few minutes ago and all I heard was a lot of.. well I'm not really sure what I heard." I heard John's voice through the speakers and I chuckled,

"Musta butt-dialed you or something, sorry love."

"Oh, okay. But you're alright, then?"

"Well, that's complicated." I made a left turn, glancing at my phone for a second.

"What?"

"I may or may not have seen Axel at the park and beat the shit out of him whilst also getting my shit fucked up."

"Lukas,  _what!?_ Are you okay? Jesus, what the fuck were you thinking!?"

"I'm fine, I'm on my way to the hospital right now. Please don't hurt me, I'm already hurt as it is."

"I should kick your fucking ass for going out of your way to fuck with him! Are you fucking twelve!? God, my boyfriend's a fucking idiot.."

"Are you mad? I'm sorry, baby!" I frowned, making another turn.

"No, I'm not mad," He sighed. "Just wish you would've thought about what you were doing before you did it, but that's not typical Lukas fashion, is it?"

"No, it isn't," I chuckled, wincing a little. "Hey, babe?"

"What?"

"When my injuries are all better, you probably won't be the only one in this relationship with a cheek scar. So that's something, right?"

"What? What did he do to you!? I'm going to beat the shit out of-"

"John."

"Oh, right. We were just talking about how bad that was. You're going to the hospital I think you're going to, right? I'm getting in the car, I'll probably be there the same time as you."

"What? You don't need to-"

"Shut the fuck up, Lukas. You got your ass kicked, of course I'm going to the hospital with you."

"Alrighty."

"Now we're both driving and I don't want either of us to end up at the hospital for a different reason, so I'm going to hang up, okay? Text me when you figure out what's going on, I love you, Buttercup."

"I love you too, Phoenix. Drive safe."

"I will. Bye, babe."

"Bye."

I hung up with a sigh, tossing my phone into the other seat as I kept driving.

Damb, what a fucking dunce I could be at times.

This had been one of those times.


	10. Chapter 10

**john**

 

Months after dying, even stepping into a hospital still enveloped me in that same sense of fear I had when I saw myself. When I had died.

Walking down the hallways, I kept scanning my eyes over the room numbers, searching for room 18. When my gaze locked onto the number, I peered in, relief filling me when I saw Lukas with his head down, staring at the floor. I knocked on the door, "Hey."

His head lifted and his eyes met mine, but I quickly broke our eye contact to observe him. There were three slash marks on his left cheek, which seemed like they weren't really done bleeding yet. His shirt was tattered a bit, and his left sleeve had been cut off, revealing wounds in his shoulder that were similar to the ones in my hand. "Hi."

"You really got your shit fucked, huh?" I shook my head as I walked over, lifting my hands to rake my finger through Lukas' hair. He chuckled, a quiet sigh escaping from between his lips.

"Yeah. Wanna see my back?" He raised an eyebrow, and I frowned.

"I don't know, do I?" I watched as he stood up, turning his back to me.

"Well, doc says it's pretty bad," he hummed, and I reached forward, grabbing the end of his shirt to pull it up slightly. He grabbed onto it after a bit and pulled it the rest of the way up, holding it in place so I could gaze at his back. "It hurts."

His back was  _littered_ in bruises, as well as cuts and scrapes. "How did your back get fucked up, Lukas? It looks fucking terrible."

Lukas dropped his shirt, turning to look at me. He parted his lips to speak, "Whole bunch of that intense, slamming into trees kinda thing."

"What about your cheek?" I frowned, glancing at it once more.

"I'm getting stitches," He sighed, sitting down again. "I hate stitches."

"You're the one who went out of their way to beat up a boy," I murmured, sitting down next to him. Lukas sighed, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Shut up."

"No," I chuckled, kissing the top of his head. "You are  _so_ stupid, L."

"Don't remind me," He whined, glancing up at me through his eyelashes. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"Everything hurts."

"I'm sorry," I hummed, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He sighed,

"It's not your fault. It's my own dumb fault."

"You're correct."

"Babe, you're supposed to tell me it was Axel's fault."

"But it wasn't. You're the dumbass who confronted him."

"Do we have arguments based on logic, now? Is that what happened over our break? You matured as a person? Gross."

I giggled, rolling my eyes as he crinkled his nose up in mock disgust, and then quickly stopped- probably because it hurt to do so. He shifted a little, soon straightening when a doctor walked in. He glanced at Lukas, and then at me. "Is this who you were expecting?" He asked.

Lukas nodded, "Yeah, he's my boyfriend, here for emotional support."

"You're such a pussy," I huffed, and he raised his eyebrows, glancing at me.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothin'," I smiled, and he rolled his eyes, lightly punching my shoulder despite the smile that was on his face. He got up and sat on the bed thing, sighing as the doctor started going through his stuff. "You excited, babe?" I asked, tilting my head a little. He frowned as our eyes met,

"Stoked." 

  
•

 

Lukas' head rested against my shoulder, whining as he took another spoonful of ice cream from the pint we were sharing. "Everything hurts."

"You got into a fight, what'd you expect?" I chuckled as I glanced at him, blinking when our eyes met.

"I don't know," He sighed. "I want to blame my stupidity on something but I can't and it's upsetting because I have only myself to blame."

"Stop focusing on that, then," I said, leaning over to kiss his temple, "and focus on the ice cream."

"It's not even that good, though.." He trailed off, starting dejectedly into the container of ice cream.

"Wow, um, suddenly I can't be with you anymore." I shook my head, lightly pushing him off of me and turning my body away from him, taking the ice cream and claiming it as mine.

"Baby! No!" He whined, his fingers hooking around my wrist. "Come on!"

"You said it wasn't even that good." I sighed, "I can't be boyfriends with a boy who doesn't like ice cream that much."

"I eat ice cream all the fucking time," Lukas huffed, "this is just shitty ice cream."

"You're the one who picked it out!" I threw my arms up in exasperation, quickly swatting his arm when his hand made a dive for the ice cream. He whined and held his arm to his chest,

"This is abuse."

"Suck my dick," I sneered, narrowing my eyes at him. I took a spoonful of ice cream, listening to him as I did so.

"Well, I'd do that, but I don't want to tear my stitches."

I choked on the ice cream.

Lukas burst into giggles and I swallowed, dropping the spoon to gaze at him with my jaw slightly slack. "You couldn't have waited for that until after I swallowed?"

He raised his eyebrows at that, and I smacked his arm. He laughed, "Oh come on."

"Come on what?" I raised an eyebrow, and he rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"It's funnier when I do it."

"Bullshit!"

" _Please,_ I am a  _comedian,_ John."

"You've got the sense of humor of a five-year old."

"Screw me for laughing at potty humor, right?"

"I didn't specify!"

"You implied!"

"Oh my god, you're such an annoying cunt," I groaned, rolling my eyes. Lukas giggled,

"Yeah, but you're stuck with my annoying cunt ass." He hummed, resting his chin on my shoulder. I smiled,

"You're right." I leaned forward, pressing our lips together in a sweet kiss. He smiled into it, our tongues soon meeting. We parted for a second and I put the pint of ice cream on the table, before I reconnected our lips. He pushed me onto my back, trailing his fingers down my body as we made out. I ran mine through his hair, lightly tugging on it every once in a while. When we parted, he just gazed down at me, and I smiled. "Man oh  _man,_ I missed your kiss."

"I missed your dick." His eyes scrunched up as he laughed, and I couldn't help but smile, my heart going crazy because of the expression on his face.

"You're so fucking lame," I sighed, and he raised his eyebrows.

"Says the lame one?" Lukas chuckled, and I narrowed my eyes.

"Oh, yeah, I'm super lame, even though I bought you ice cream and cuddled with you and listened to you complain for three hours, right?"

"That's not fair," He mumbled, sitting up and then pulling me up with him. "Unfair, I declare. Hey! That rhymed!"

"You're such a dork," I giggled, kissing his forehead. He smiled, 

"I know."

I connected our lips again and Lukas smiled, kissing me back. He soon straddled my lap, deepening the kiss again. I ran my fingers up and down his back, smiling when he shivered a little. When we parted, I pressed a kiss to his neck, humming softly. "All this time and the same little things still get you all worked up, huh, baby?"

"Shush," He huffed, picking my head up and kissing me again. I kissed him back, tracing his skin with my thumbs.

The door soon swung open and I heard a voice, "Why the fuck are there four guys throwing rocks at your window?"

We quickly parted, and I glanced over to see Luke. "Wait, wait wait wait,  _what?_ I thought you two were taking a break?"

"We got impatient," Lukas chuckled, and I shrugged. "Let them in, they're my friends."

"What the fuck happened to your cheek!?"

"It's a, uh, a long story." He hummed, and I shifted a little, pulling him onto my lap. He turned his head a little and our eyes met. Lukas smiled at me, and my heart stuttered as I felt my face heat up. God, he was beautiful.

"I'll go let those guys in, I guess," Luke sighed, and I glanced over to watch him walk out of the room again. Little pattering noises made their way to my ears and Lukas' eyes lit up. He jumped out of my lap and stood, walking out of the room. He came back in a second later, with a bundle of fur in his arms.

"Guess who?" He grinned, and I blinked, straightening again.

"Is that June?"

"Mhm!" Lukas sat down again, and he put June in his lap. She stood up and turned her head, glancing at me.

"Oh my God, oh my God.. she's fucking adorable." I grinned as she lowered her head a little, sniffing at me, then padded into my lap, quickly settling. I ran my fingers over her fur, petting her as she started to purr. "Lukas, baby, oh my God."

"I know," He chuckled, kissing my cheek. "She's the cutest cat I've ever seen."

"We'll have a home one day," He murmured after a little bit of silence. "We'll have a home," He sighed, resting his head on my shoulder, "and we'll be a family. You and me and Luka and June, and a few years from now, maybe we'll even have kids. I want to have a home where we have a big backyard, so I can set up a tire swing and I can push you and we can laugh at each other's stupidity. I want to plant trees and I want to watch them get tall as the years pass." He spoke softly, his eyes focused on June as he spoke.

"I want to wake up right next to you every morning, and fall asleep right next to you every night. I want to put another ring on my hand, one that tells everyone who doubted us that we pushed through it, that our love never shattered and never will. I want to kiss you, over and over, and remind you how much I love you, every fucking day, so you never forget. I want to have the same love for you in fifty years that I have for you now."

Lukas straightened, his fingers tilting my chin up so I had to look at him. "I want to stop breaking promises, and start making a future."

My fingers left June's fur to pull Lukas' face towards mine, capturing his lips in a kiss. He kissed me back, his lips leaving mine warm. No kiss we shared was ever like the last. This one was gentle, it was blissful and sweet. It was us. It was our future.

We parted slowly, gazing at each other afterwards. I smiled, using my sleeve to wipe my eyes of the small tears that had gathered. "I love you so fucking much," I whispered, sniffling a little. He kissed my forehead,

"I love you too."

I rested my head against his shoulder and intertwined our fingers, gazing down at them. I inspected how smoothly they fit together as the door opened and people walked in. "Hey, fuckers." Lukas murmured, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I blinked, glancing up at who had entered. Luke, along with some people I didn't recognize.

"Mind explaining to us what the fuck happened back there?" One of them, who was rather tall and fairly pale, with blonde hair, asked. Lukas chuckled,

"A bunch of bullshit, Fitz, that's what happened." He sighed, then glanced at me. "Alrighty, I should probably introduce everyone." 

"Probably," Luke huffed, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, that tall guy is Fitz," Lukas murmured, pointing. "The guy next to him, with the fucked up face, that's Mason, or Zuckles."

"Well, fuck you too, then, cunt!" Mason huffed, and I chuckled, glancing at June as she nudged my arm with her head. I used my free hand to start petting her again.

"Next to him is Toby, and the guy with the helmet in his hand is Swagger. Dickheads, that's Luke," He murmured, pointing to Luke, and then he leaned over, kissing my forehead and making my face heat up. "And this is my boyfriend, John."

"Hello," I said, waving a little as Lukas pulled me closer against him. "My boyfriend's an idiot."

"Hey," He huffed, flicking my head and making me laugh a bit, "no I'm not."

"Yes you are," Swagger murmured, chuckling.

"No, you definitely are." Said Luke.

"You're a special kind of stupid," Toby chuckled, and Lukas sighed, running his fingers through my hair.

"You guys are all assholes." He muttered, and I smiled, gazing down at our hands. He ran his thumb over the top of mine, and I lifted our hands to press a kiss to his, then tilted my head up so I could look at him. He raised an eyebrow before he smiled.

"Fuck, y'all I've been in this room for two seconds and the amount of gay is overwhelming," Swagger sighed. Luke chuckled,

"It'll get worse, this is nothing."

"Can we sit? My legs hurt," Mason frowned, and Lukas nodded. Swagger grabbed Mason's wrist and pulled him to the couch with him. I raised my eyebrows and glanced at Lukas, who only chuckled and nodded.

Fitz and Toby took the other couch, and Luke sat on the recliner, leaning back with an obnoxiously loud groan. I giggled when June shoved her face against mine, rubbing against me in an attempt to get me to start petting her again. I went back to doing so, smiling when she settled on my chest.

"Hey, before this conversation starts, do any of you want anything to drink, or shit? I can hook you up. Lukas should've offered but he's a terrible friend and an even worse host, so you can't expect anything from him." Luke shook his head as he straightened, and the boys chuckled.

"Is this just be an asshole to Lukas day?" Lukas asked, and I raised my eyebrows, sitting up to look at him.

"Excuse me, you fuckin' cuck, who bought you ice cream and showered you in kisses while you were getting stitches? Who cuddled with you for hours and dealt with your needy ass?" I asked, and he blushed, glancing away as the boys whistled.

"You," He huffed, and I grinned, kissing his good cheek.

"Exactly. So not everyone's been an asshole to you today." I hummed. He sighed,

"You're the only exception."

"You're so stubborn," I murmured, frowning a little. He shrugged,

"Whoops."

"You guys are weird," I heard Toby murmur, and I glanced over at him. "Like, in a good way, though."

"As if you and Fitz aren't.." I heard Mason mumble, and Swagger laughed. Both Toby and Fitz flipped them off, and I glanced over at Lukas, searching for an explanation.

"We all think they're dating or at least like each other and they won't fess up," Lukas hummed, and I nodded.

"Oh."

Luke walked into the room with drinks, and handed them out. I blinked, not realizing he had even left. He sat down again, and Fitz spoke. "So, Lukas, explanation?"

"It's a long story," Lukas sighed. "Like.. hella long."

"We've got time," Toby said, blinking.

"Alrighty, well, buckle in boys.. it's a hell of a ride."

  
•

 

The room was quiet, as we had finished the story a few seconds ago. The boys were staring at us with wide eyes. "This isn't.. this isn't fake? At all?" Mason soon asked, and Lukas snapped his fingers. The lights went off, and when he snapped them again, they quickly turned back on.

"Nope." He chuckled at their reactions.

"So.. so you're telling me you have.. power things," Swagger pointed at Lukas, "you're a hitman," he pointed at Luke, "and you're.. some.. species.. thing?" He pointed at me.

"Yes, I have powers, and yes, John is.. a tempest, I guess." Lukas glanced at me, before he looked over at Swagger again. "But Luke doesn't work for the white-coats anymore. So.. no."

"Well, shit," Fitz sighed, "guess it makes sense why you beat the fuck out of that guy."

"Yeah," Lukas chuckled. "We're not very fond of him."

I shook my head, blinking when Lukas pulled me into his arms. He wrapped them around me, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to my neck. I smiled, reaching my hand over to grab his, intertwining our fingers.

"You guys are just.. chill with this shit?" Mason asked. I shrugged,

"We don't have a choice, really. We deal with it, and we do what we can when shit hits the fan."

"That rhymed," Lukas giggled, and I rolled my eyes, turning to glance at him.

"What's up with you and rhyming shit?"

"I don't know," He shrugged. "Man, I need weed. My cheek hurts."

"No weed." I shook my head, "Not until tomorrow, at least."

"Why?" He whined, slumping his head down and resting it against me. "That's not fair."

"'Cause you don't deserve to get high when you deadass went out of your way to beat the shit out of Axel."

"Are you punishing me?"

"If I give you weed, do I get extra kisses?"

"Well, I'll give you extra kisses anyways, but yes?"

"Hmm.. I'll need time to think about that." I murmured, "But the extra kisses start now."

"Oh, okay," He grinned, leaning up and kissing me. I kissed him back, smiling.

When we parted, I rested against him again, yawning a little. He smiled, kissing my head. "Cutie." I blushed, rolling my eyes. I glanced over at the guys, who were having quiet conversations of their own. I tilted my head a little as I gazed at Swagger and Mason. Mason was holding his head up with his elbow and was laughing at Swagger, who was obviously joking around.

"L?" I asked, glancing over at him.

"What's up, Johnny?"

"Swagger and Mason," I murmured. "Are they together, or anything?"

"No, why? Does it look like they are?" He glanced over at them, his red-blue eyes scanning them carefully. After a few moments, he chuckled. "Well, shit. They do look like a couple. Huh."

Luke soon stood up, walking over to me and Lukas. "Hey, I've gotta head out."

"What for?" Lukas asked, frowning. "It's a Sunday. You never go out on Sundays."

"I've got a date- w-with a friend," He rubbed the back of his neck, his face getting a little pink. I raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, okay." Lukas shrugged, "Go have fun, pussy."

"Thanks. See y'all later." He quickly turned and left, and I blinked.

"Huh. Strange." I glanced at Lukas.

"Yeah," He frowned, then shrugged. "Whatever, he's a grown man. He can take care of himself."

I sighed as I shifted, picking our hands up, smiling at the fact that our fingers were still locked together. "Wanna go look at the stars?" I asked, glancing out the window. He blinked, then smiled, nodding.

"Sure."

We stood up, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He chuckled, rubbing my back. "Hey, we're going to go be cliche, gay fucks, and look at the stars. I don't trust any of you in my house alone so you're all coming with us, though."

The boys groggily got up and we walked out of the house. I sat down on the grass, and pulled Lukas down beside me. He chuckled, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I hummed, kissing his cheek. He glanced at me, then laid down. I laid down next to him, and he curled up, resting his head on my chest.

"They're so pretty," I murmured, gazing up at the stars.

"Yeah," Lukas breathed, and I lifted a hand to run my fingers through his hair. "They really are. Look, baby, there's the big dipper." He pointed up, and I followed his finger with my eyes until they landed on the constellation.

"If you follow the last star in the handle, and go, like, left.. or something.. I think it leads to the little dipper," I murmured, and did so until I found it. "There it is, babe! Look."

He smiled, "I see it."

"There's something about space that I can't get over. The stars are so fascinating, y'know? I'm not going to say much, I'll be ranting for ten years." I chuckled a little, and he laughed, lifting a hand to trace little shapes into my belly with his finger.

"I'd love to hear you talk about the stars, and space," He hummed, turning his head to look at me. "I could listen to it all day."

"Love, what you were saying earlier?" I glanced up at the sky again, letting out a gentle sigh. "I want that, too."

"Then we'll have it," He said, his voice soft. "There's nothing stopping us, Johnny."

"What about the disease? We both still have it. What about my.. uh.. tempest shit?"

"There's nothing we can do about it. It's a part of you, now, whether you like it or not." He sighed, "It shouldn't have been, but it is. You know what, though?" He looked at me again, and I glanced down at him. Our eyes met, and he smiled. "I love that part of you just as much as the rest of you."

Lukas leaned forward and connected our lips in a gentle kiss, and I smiled into it. When we separated, he rested his head on my chest again, sighing. 

"I am mad in love with you, Lukas Reed," I spoke, running my fingers through his hair once more. As he returned to tracing shapes, he murmured softly to me.

"Ditto, Johnny."

"I don't think I could bear losing you again," I whispered, gazing up at the stars. "I really don't."

"You won't have to," He said. "I swear it, to the stars we're gazing up at right now. You won't ever lose me again."

"Okay," I sighed.

The wind blew lightly as we laid in silence. If I looked around, I could see that the boys had split off into pairs again- Mason and Swagger were sitting by each other, and Fitz and Toby were in a position similar to the one Lukas and I were in. Cicadas and the buzzing of moths were the only noises that were audible, apart from the occasional whoosh of a car that breezed by us on the street. The grass tickled my skin, but I felt like I could fall asleep then and there, just because of the way I had Lukas against me.

I let out a sigh, smiling up at the sky. The two of us had certainly been dealt with a shit set of cards in life. Somehow, though, I was absolutely confident we'd win the game.

Together.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**lukas**

 

_three weeks later_

 

The air was sweet, smelling of funnel cake as we walked down the street. John swung our hands between us, gently squeezing mine and smiling at me when I looked over at him. Glancing away, I observed our surroundings, letting out a deep breath as we walked. Children ran down the street and I noticed the intertwined fingers of plenty of teenagers who we passed. Faulty, fear-inducing, sketchy carnival rides swung in the air above us as we searched for what to do first.

When John had nudged me from my slumber in the morning, having slept over at my house last night, he shoved his phone in my face and started spewing words I couldn't quite comprehend in my groggy state. Eventually I realized he was talking about a carnival, and with a chuckle, I agreed to go.

"You up for some games?" John asked, turning his head and looking over at me. I nodded with a smile, swinging our hands a little higher as I leaned over to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"Do you really even have to ask me that?" I chuckled, and he smiled at me, rolling his eyes a little. His head turned again and his eyes locked forward as we kept walking. I kept gazing at him, my smile growing. The sun was nearly setting, as we had gotten here late. It hid behind most of John's head, highlighting his hair and face in an angelic, orange glow. His blue eyes seemed magnificently brighter, and the blonde curls that wrapped around his face had developed a mango tint. I felt as if my heart was a balloon, and someone tugged quite hard on the string as I stared at him. The tug didn't hurt, though. Not one bit.

"You're right, I never do." He replied, his words soft as they flowed between his lips. A content sigh escaped from my mouth, as my eyes lowered so I could gaze down at our shoes. I had decided to wear my dirty, beaten and damaged yellow Vans that John had gotten me for my birthday the year after we first met. Somehow, they still fit me, although they were ever so slightly tight around the edges. It was nothing I couldn't handle, of course, and I liked seeing the yellow pop against the ripped, black jeans I wore. My flannel hugged my body comfortably, although it wasn't buttoned so it showed my black and thin-striped yellow shirt.

"Y'know, I'm surprised these shoes still fit me," I chuckled, and I glanced up to look at him, to take in his reaction. He nodded in response, a small smile forming on his pretty, pink lips.

"You stopped growing a while ago, love," John smiled, and when I narrowed my eyes to glare at him, his smile turned into a grin. He leaned over to kiss the top of my head, giggling a little when he pulled away and realizing I hadn't dropped my stern look.

"I'm really not that fucking short, John," I huffed, stopping in my walk to pull my hand away from his. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow when he only laughed at me.

"You're shorter than I am, and that's all that matters." He shrugged, and I rolled my eyes, biting my lower lip to prevent a smile from coming into fruition. John's smile was so God damn contagious.

"Everyone's shorter than you, John, you're fucking six feet." I shook my head, and he poked my shoulder, chuckling as he spoke again.

"That's six feet and two inches, thank you very much."

"Do the two inches come from the size of your dick?" I rolled my eyes, and his jaw went slack as he gazed at me. Soon, he recovered, lips jutting out in a pout as he crossed  _his_ arms over his chest and stared at me.

"First of all, that's mean, second of all, my feelings are hurt, and thirdly, that's not true and  _you_ know it." John quickly spoke, not a single hint of true hurt or annoyance behind his teasing words.

"Awh, such a sensitive boy," I frowned, reaching forward to gently squeeze his cheeks, like a grandmother would do to her grandchild. He squinted his eyes in what I assumed was disappointment as he gazed at me, attempting to frown but failing to do so. I giggled, kissing his forehead. "All upset because of a little bit of teasing."

"I crave validation and you are not giving it to me," John huffed, his words incredibly slurred and muffled due to the fact that his face was all squished. I laughed, dropping my hands to kiss his nose.

"You're so cute when you get whiney." I spoke softly as I bounced back and away from him, resting on the heels of my feet before I shifted back into a normal position. I watched as a rose petal dusted the boy's cheeks, the blush making my smile grow wider. He parted his lips to speak, but then rolled his eyes and shut them, beginning to walk away. I quickly grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers before I could lose him.

"Do you have any idea where we're even going, by the way?" He asked after a few moments of easy, comfortable silence that had stretched between us. I shrugged, lifting my gaze once more to rack my eyes around our surroundings. The carnival was busy, but it wasn't busier than earlier. We had passed it on our way to the store- which we had visited to buy more snacks- and it was swarming with life then. Now, it was gentler, as the evening's gentle hold slowly but surely began to approach.

"I haven't got a damn clue, to be honest," I laughed a little, glancing back at him. "They fucked the park up, I can barely recognize anything with all this stuff everywhere."

"Let's host a carnival, the city said," John rolled his eyes, smiling. "It'll be fun and not at all chaotic, they said."

"Carnivals are always chaotic, though," I replied, and he hummed for a moment, before he nodded in agreement. "That's what makes them fun, though. Nearly all of the workers are teenagers who haven't got a clue what they're doing. They'll trust anyone with the machinery as long as they can spell their name right. So, not only does that make death seem entirely possible when you go on a ride, it makes the occasional interaction with them fucking terrifying, because they're usually stoned out of their minds. Like, not a healthy stoned. Like, oh God please get away from me, stoned."

John's eyebrows furrowed as he listened to me go off on a little rant. When I had finally finished, he only chuckled, shaking his head. "I suppose that's true, yes, but I was more thinking of how filthy the place is. That, and the fact that there are terrifying, screaming children everywhere. Oh, yeah, and drunk adults. Ugh, gross."

"John, we're adults." I raised an eyebrow, and he sighed, gazing at me with an unimpressed look.

"Well, yes, I'm aware. But first of all, we're not drunk. Secondly, I'm not talking about the adults our age. I'm talking about, like.. the fucking thirty year olds, y'know? The adults who bring their kids here and scream to the music and get into fights as their children play games and vomit everywhere because they've eaten far too much funnel cake."

"Wow," I murmured, blinking as we crossed the street to get to the other side of the carnival, "we have really fucking pessimistic outlooks on life, don't we?"

"Afraid so, L," He sighed, and I smiled when I felt his thumb start to gently rub the top of my hand. "It's a sad life, but it's the good life."

"Mhm, seeing the worst in everything is absolutely a splendid way to live," I chuckled, and he stopped when we made it to the other side of the street. John's eyes lit up as he gazed at me, and his hand cupped the side of my face.

"I think we've got this whole pessimism thing wrong, L," He smiled, kissing my forehead. "Because I see you in everything, and you're far from the worst."

His sweet words knocked the breath out of me, and although they were a little cheesy, I found that my heart had started to swell anyways. He had spoken with a voice of sincerity, one that had my face heating up and the butterflies in my belly panicking. I knew I couldn't possibly muster up a reply that could top his pretty statement, so I simply leaned forward, connecting our lips in a gentle kiss. He kissed me back, and I gently squeezed his hand, reaching my free hand up to rest it against his neck.

After a few moments we parted, and our eyes met. I giggled a little, pressing my lips against his once more. "Your lips are so soft," I sighed when we separated again, and we continued walking. "They're so comfy whenever they're pressed against my own."

"I can say exactly the same about yours," He murmured. "Nice 'n soft. Just like you."

I chuckled, glancing at him one more time. "I hate you, John," I whispered, my smile growing when our eyes met.

"I hate you too, Lukas." He leaned forward, kissing my forehead. When he pulled away, I watched him grab his phone. "So, I sort of want to be an ass."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair as he gazed at me.

"Well, I kind of want to hint that I'm dating someone but not show anyone who it is," John chuckled. "Not yet, at least, considering we both said the internet doesn't need to know yet."

"Oh," I blinked. "Well, how are you going to do that?"

He angled his phone down at our intertwined fingers, and I chuckled. "Can I be a cliche bitch? Please? I can't brag about you all over my Twitter yet, because nobody knows we're dating. This is the least I can do. I want to show you off, baby."

"That's fine with me, John," I smiled, "but only if I can, too."

"Mm, let's just hope nobody connects the dots, huh?" He raised an eyebrow, and I nodded, smiling.

"They'll be stuck theorizing, though," I hummed, swinging our hands a little. "At least until they get confirmation. But that'll be a while, yet."

"That's true," He nodded, and then leaned over a little, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I can't wait until I get to boast about you all the time, tell the world how lovely you are and how in love with you I am."

"Me too," I agreed, smiling as we started to walk once more. "The internet's never going to hear the end of it."

"Hey, there are the games." John squeezed my hand, pointing over in one direction. I lifted my gaze, following his point with my eyes to see the games. "Let's go, hmm?"

I glanced at him, and our eyes met. I grinned before I took off running, pulling him along with me.

We skidded to a stop when we reached the area, my excitement for some crappy carnival games that were always rigged probably greater than it should've been. "Where to first?" I asked, and he shrugged, glancing around.

"There's one of those water-shooting games over there, want to go over and get your ass kicked in it?" He raised an eyebrow as he gazed at me, excitement in his pretty blue eyes, and I grinned.

"Oh, you're on, you piece of shit."

We walked over and handed the man our money. Ten dollars for a game that lasted approximately a minute was a complete rip-off, but neither of us cared that much. I sat down and positioned my fingers around the gun, resting my index finger on the trigger. I glanced over at John, smiling when I saw him gazing down at the gun with a look of concentration.

I focused my attention back onto the gun, adjusting my hold on it a little, before I looked at the target. The bell rang, signalling the game had started. I pushed against the trigger, quickly adjusting the gun to aim at the center of the target in front of me. I watched my signal raise hella fast, smiling when I saw John's gun suddenly give out on him. "What!?"

"Ah, shit, that happens a lot." The guy behind the table awkwardly chuckled, and John huffed, shaking the gun as if that would help at all. I kept shooting, smiling when I finished. I dropped my  gun, standing and throwing my arms up in victory.

"Hold your applause, please," I smiled at John, who stared at me with a bored look. "Sorry, John, I thought you said I was going to get my ass kicked?"

"My gun broke!" He whined, glancing at his gun and shaking it with a frown. "It's not my fault."

"The carnival gods just aren't with you today, my bad, love," I chuckled, kissing the top of his head. "Maybe next time."

"Maybe next time," He mocked me, crossing his arms over his chest. I only giggled. His actions were cute as fuck and I wouldn't mind it if he stayed like that for the rest of the day. I turned to the guy behind the counter.

"Remind me what my choices are for winning?" I asked, and he backed up, pointing at the big plushies.

"You can get one of those," He murmured, "two little ones, or three mini prizes."

I hummed, propping my head up by holding my fist under my chin. I sneaked a glance at John, smiling when I saw him eyeing a big, llama plushie. I shifted, tilting my head. "I think I'll take.. that one." I pointed at it, and the guy nodded, reaching and grabbing it. He handed it to me with a smile, and I thanked him, then turned to look at John.

"Where to, next?" He asked, and I shrugged, then handed him the plushie.

"Here you go, loser." I smiled, and he blinked, face slowly getting a little red. His eyes shifted off at the big llama in his hands and onto me,

"What?"

"I saw you staring at it," I chuckled, and his lips curled up into a smile. He rubbed the back of his neck,

"You didn't have to get this, dummy." He chuckled, " _You_ won."

"But I wanted to." I grabbed his hand again, intertwining our fingers. "That smile of yours made it absolutely worth it." 

John shook his head as we walked off, searching for what to do next. "My God, Lukas Reed, I hate just how much I love you." His voice was soft as he spoke, and I smiled, squeezing his hand gently.

"Yeah, sure. You hate it  _so_ much that you just can't resist bragging about me, huh?" I raised an eyebrow, giggling when he rolled his eyes. He bit his lower lip, and his eyes scanned the area in front of us. I smiled, knowing he was searching for what to say in response. Eventually, he sighed and shook his head.

"Shut up."

I laughed, "You can't say a damn thing back, because you know it's true."

"Of course it's true," John mumbled, glancing over at me. "I've got the best boyfriend in the world. Anyone would want to show you off. But you're mine," He murmured, leaning over and kissing the side of my head. "And if anyone else shows you off, I'm going to kick their fuckin' ass."

I smiled at that, shaking my head. "Nobody else is going to be showing me off, don't worry. You're awfully cute when you're jealous, though, maybe I should look into that."

"You better not," He huffed, gazing at me with a warning look. I laughed a little, glancing down at our hands, which were still together.

"I won't," I smiled, admiring how they locked together so perfectly. "I'd never want anyone that wasn't you."

John sighed, a smile on his lips when I looked at him again. Our eyes met and we both paused. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine gently. I smiled, kissing him back. He draped his hands around my neck, and I let mine slide onto his hips. When we parted, he pulled me back into another, quick kiss, making me laugh a little. 

"C'mon, cutie," I hummed, grabbing his hand for the thousandth time that day. "We've still got things to do."

 

•

 

"I can't tell if this funnel cake is phenomenal, or really, really bad," John murmured, gazing at me from across the table. I hummed,

"Give me some, let me judge it."

He tore some of the funnel cake off and motioned for me to move forward. I did so, chuckling as I opened my mouth. He moved his hand forward and held the piece to my lips, not removing his hand until he was certain I had a hold on it. I leaned back, examining the taste of it. "Well? What do you think?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know, I think it's pretty okay," I shrugged. "Not the best funnel cake, but compared to some carnivals I've been to, it's alright."

"Fair enough," He nodded, taking another bite from it. "Hey, hit me up with a cheese fry, babe?"

"You got it, bay-bee," I smiled, picking one up and throwing it at him. His eyes widened and he quickly caught it, getting cheese all over his hand.

"You fucker," He huffed, and I shrugged, grinning.

"At least I didn't literally hit you with it," I replied, taking a cheese fry for myself. He rolled his eyes, then flipped me off with a smile.

"You're such an asshole." 

"Mm, you know it, Johnny."

John chuckled before he ate his cheese fry. I sighed happily, glancing out at the carnival that surrounded us. It was dark now, and the carnival was closing soon. There was really only drunk adults and a few teenagers who were around at this point. The night air was chilly, but sort of comforting. I glanced over at the elephant plushie John had won me earlier in the day, which sat right next to the llama plushie I had won him.

I glanced over at John again, chuckling when I saw his body curled up a little. "You cold?" I asked, already taking off my hoodie. "Take it, it's big on me. It should fit you."

"No," He shook his head, "I don't need it." I chuckled,

"Don't make me put it on you," I murmured, handing him the hoodie from across the table. "Put it on, babe, it's fine."

"But what about you?" He frowned, and I shrugged.

"I'm not very cold," I said, running my fingers through my hair. He sighed, then put the hoodie on. It was big on him, which meant it was definitely big on me. John usually wore hoodie that were just his size, so seeing him drown in a hoodie so large was fucking adorable. He hummed, glancing at his hands, where the sleeves fell over and hid them.

"This hoodie is massive," He chuckled, glancing over at me. "It feels weird."

"You look super fucking cute," I stated, and then smiled when his cheeks flushed pink. "Baggy sweater John is something I need more of in my life."

"Shush, Reed," He shook his head, probably too flustered to come up with anything in response.

"Uh, no thanks. Seriously, baby, you look like the cutest thing in the world. Oh my God, you're getting so many cuddles and kisses tonight. Thank God it's Saturday." I smiled as he eventually just covered his face with his hands. Even that was cute.

"Lukas," He whined, "I fucking hate you."

"You love me and you know it," I hummed, taking a sip of the crappy knock-off soda I had bought.

"Yeah, that's why I hate you," John huffed, sitting up and looking at me. "I love you too fucking much. It's unhealthy, I swear."

I chuckled, reaching over and grabbing John's hand, gazing down at it. "You figured out this shit, yet?" I prodded his fingers gently, on their proximal phalanges, and he winced a little.

"No."

They were red, and bruising. John hadn't done anything to them, and they were like that on both of his hands. When I ran my fingers over them, I could feel a small bump. "What could be happening?"

"I don't know. I don't want to go to a doctor, I've googled it time and time again and nothing has popped up."

"Maybe it's related to how you're a Tempest, now?" I glanced up at him, and then at his fingers again. "But what would that be?"

"That's the problem," He chuckled. "I don't know."

"What if they're, like, claws?" I asked, my eyes narrowing a bit as I examined them more.

"What? How would they be claws? Axel's claws just grew from his nails."

"I don't know, I'm just trying to think of what they could be. That's the only thing that makes sense." I shrugged, glancing up at him.

"Are they just supposed to pop out, then?" John chuckled, glancing down at his own hands. I frowned, prodding them a little more. "Ow, babe, that hurts."

"Sorry," I quickly murmured, tilting my head down to press a little kiss to his skin. "Better?" I asked, smiling.

"I don't know.. I think I need a few more kisses. But like.. on my lips. 'Cause your healing abilities will spread throughout my entire body that way." He smiled as he gazed at me, and I chuckled.

"Whatever you say, babe." I leaned forward, pulling his face towards mine before I kissed him. He kissed me back, intertwining our fingers. When we parted, I glanced down at his hand again. "What's it feel like?"

"It feels like there's something stuck in my fingers," He murmured. "Although it's not exactly that."

"Cats can sheathe and unsheathe their claws, right?" I asked, tilting my head a little. "What if that's how yours work?"

"And they're just waiting to be unsheathed for the first time?" John asked, and when I glanced up at him, I saw the doubtful look he was giving me. "I don't know, babe."

"Well, what the fuck else could it be? Try somethin, Johnny, see if it works." I propped my face up with my hand, pulling it away from his. He frowned,

"But what if you're right? Won't it hurt?"

"Probably," I chuckled. He sighed, then gazed down at his hands. For a while, nothing happened, but then he let out a noise of pain. I blinked, looking away from his face and focusing my attention back onto his hands. Blood had gathered on his phalanges, and when I grabbed a napkin to dab on it, I saw little claws. "Oh, shit."

"This hurts," He huffed, "like, a lot."

"It's probably cause they're breaking through the skin for the first time," I murmured, then leaned over, kissing his forehead. "I'd be shitting my pants right now if I was in your shoes. You're so strong, baby."

I glanced down at his hands again, blinking. He soon let out a sigh and leaned back, shutting his eyes. "They're out all the way, I'm pretty sure. Ow, fuck, that hurt."

"It'll get easier with time, I'm sure," I murmured. "Where's your water bottle, babe?"

John nodded his head towards the direction his bottle was in, and I grabbed it. I poured some of the water over his hands, then cleaned them up with more napkins, being careful not to touch his claws directly 'cause I didn't want to hurt the wounds underneath them. Now that they were cleared off, I realized they weren't really little at all. Shit, no wonder he was in so much pain.

"They feel weird," He murmured, gazing at them. "What the fuck happened to me? I never thought I'd be sitting here at twenty-one years old, with claws growing out of part of my fingers, sitting across from a boy who has telekinesis, while we're both suffering from a disease that tends to come and go."

"And your eyes turn black. And if Axel has fangs, you'll probably get those too, right? Isn't that how he marked you?" I raised an eyebrow, glancing at him. "Christ. This is some furry shit."

"Don't call me a fuckin' furry," He huffed, although he laughed a little. "This is by far the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.. ever."

"Well, it's a part of you, now." I shrugged, glancing down at his hands again. I smiled a little, and gently picked one of them up, kissing the the top of his hand gently. "And I love you just the same."

He blushed, smiling down at me. "I love you too, baby." He cupped my face with his hands, and then pulled me into another, gentle kiss.

Things were changing. Things were changing rapidly and it was scary. But I'd be there for John. And I knew he'd be there for me.

As our lips parted, only to reconnect moments later, I felt myself smiling with a thought that popped into my head.

We were really meant to be. _  
_


	12. Chapter 12

**john**

 

_a week later_

 

"Can you drive?" I asked, pacing around my room as I held my phone in my hand. Lukas' voice replied quietly, a little hoarse,

"Y-Yeah."

"Alright, get here as soon as you can. I'll have soup ready by the time you're here, alright? Also, Tyler 'n Jay are home right now, just letting you know. How'd you even get sick?" I frowned, glancing over at Luka, who was dozing on my bed. My frown got a little bigger when I watched drool drip out of his mouth and onto the floor. I sighed, shaking my head a little. I'd have to clean that up.

"I don't know," Lukas whined. After a moment of silence, I could hear coughing. "I think I got sick from the carnival. But I also think the plague is acting up again. It's a double fucking whammy."

"I'd go by your house, but you know, the pick-up broke down," I sighed, feeling a little pang of pain when I spoke. Yeah, the car was like, almost seventeen years old, but it was still a good car.. despite the immense damage it had faced in it's life. "It's still in the shop. The look on the guy's face when I drove it in, oh my God, I thought he was going to burst into tears."

"Why?"

"I think it was like an 'oh I have so much work to do' kind of thing. Anyways, sorry, off topic. Drive here, drive safely, I'll see you soon, okay babe?"

"Okay, yeah. See you. Bye, Johnny. Love you."

"Bye, L. Love you too."

I tossed my phone onto the bed when he hung up, then glanced over at Luka. He jerked awake, rolling off the bed. My eyes widened and I quickly ran over to him, "Oh my God, you fucking idiot!"

He barked, rolling onto all fours and licking my face when he stood. I let out a loud sigh, relief filling me when I realized he was alright. "You're such a dummy," I huffed, petting him, then kissing the top of his head. "My little dummy. Hey, Luka, guess who you get to see again? You remember Lukas?" I smiled when he just stared at me, obviously not understanding what I was talking about.

Or maybe he did. Hell if I know.

"Well, he's coming over," I said, then blinked. "And I have to cook soup, because the idiot got sick." I shook my head, smiling fondly as I stood up. I walked out of the room, chuckling when I heard Luka trail after me. I made my way to the kitchen, nearly getting knocked over by Jay, who was running away from Tyler. I stuck my foot out, and tripped Tyler, grinning when he fell.

"Asshole!" He shouted, catching himself before he face-planted. I only laughed,

"Your fault for running in the house. Chase your boyfriend elsewhere, please."

"You're just petty 'cause you don't have a boyfriend," Was his response, and I chuckled.

"Mhm, whatever you say, Tyler." I shook my head, walking to the pantry. "How long does it take to make homemade soup?"

"Like, an hour?" Jay spoke as he walked into the room.

"Oh, fuck that," I muttered. "Do we even have ingredients for homemade soup? Like, chicken soup."

"Yeah. Why do you want soup?" I scrunched my face up as I thought. Homemade soup would be healthier, and tastier, but it would take longer. However, if I just heated up soup from a can or something, that wouldn't take long at all. It would taste pretty shit though. "Hello? Earth to John?"

"Ugh, I fucking hate cooking," I huffed. "It takes too long. Jay, can you help me, please?"

"I mean, sure?" He started pulling stuff out, and I sighed, walking over to help him.

About forty minutes later, the water was boiled, and we had started adding shit. I was a little uneasy, because Lukas lived fifteen minutes away and still wasn't here. When I heard a knock at the door, I quickly walked past both Jay and Tyler to get it.

I opened it up, relief filling my body when I saw Lukas. However, that relief dissipated almost immediately. He was littered in marks, which weren't quite bruises but looked close to it. They had gray coatings, and I blinked. "Hey, what happened?" I picked his arm up, gently running a finger over one of the marks. It was rough, and cracking. He winced,

"H-Hallucination."

"Oh, shit, I forgot this happened when you had them." I frowned, glancing at him. His eyes were watery, and I leaned forward, kissing his forehead. "Is that why you were late?"

"Yeah. It happened while I was driving. I h-had to pull over."

"How bad was it?" I asked, and he frowned.

"As bad as the one I first told you about."

"Christ," I sighed, pulling him into a hug. "We can talk about it later, if you want to, love. If you don't, though, that's fine, too."

"I hate keeping it locked inside," Lukas whispered, hugging me back. "When I talk about it, it makes it seem less scary, even though it makes it.. realer. Knowing someone else at least realizes what happened is sort of.. comforting, I guess."

"Okay, we can talk about it, then." I hummed, then glanced at him, frowning when I really looked at his eyes. "Lukas, how long ago did it happen?"

"It was over, um.. a few minutes ago."

"Your eyes are still purple," I sighed. "Alright, let's head inside. Are you cold? You look cold."

"A little, yeah." He murmured, stepping inside when I moved out of the way. I shut the door, quietly locking it, before I glanced at him again. He surprised me by pulling me into a kiss, but I smiled, quickly returning it. He chuckled when we parted, "Sorry if I get you sick."

"It's worth it," I shrugged, kissing him again. He kissed me back, and when he pulled away, I kissed his forehead.

"I feel like.. I wasn't supposed to see that." I heard Tyler's voice, and turned my head to see him and Jay peeking at us from behind the doorway. I rolled my eyes,

"Then why'd you draw attention to yourself?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. Lukas chuckled,

"Uh, hi."

"Oh, shit, that's Lukas?" Tyler's eyes widened, "Dude, you're fucking emo?"

"What?" Lukas furrowed his eyebrows, gazing at Tyler with an incredulous look.

"Your hair is fucking red and blue, bitch, you're telling me your not emo?"

"No, I'm not fucking emo, you cuck."

"You haven't seen each other in how many months, and it's like nothing ever happened?" I raised an eyebrow as I already grew tired of the back and forth insults between the two.

"Hi, Lukas," Jay murmured, and Lukas smiled.

"Hi, Jay."

Jay grabbed Tyler's hand, and then walked over to us. He quickly wrapped Lukas up in a hug, who hugged him back. The two were quiet for a while, and I glanced over at Tyler, smiling when our eyes met.

"Guess I was wrong about the boyfriend thing, huh?" He chuckled, and I shrugged.

"Maybe just a little."

They eventually parted, and Lukas hugged Tyler. Tyler hugged him back. When they separated, I quickly looked over at Lukas. "Alright, so I know I said the soup would be ready when you got here but I decided to make it homemade because I really didn't want you to eat shitty soup when you're not feeling good and that way I could send you my love via food, right? Well turns out homemade soup takes a while and it's still not done yet and it won't be done for like at least another half hour and I'm really sorry and-"

"John."

"Huh?"

"I don't care," Lukas laughed, and I blushed, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense."

"I mean, I appreciate it, of course," He murmured, "but it's not that big of a deal that it's not done. I didn't even want you to make it for me in the first place."

"Well, you didn't have a choice with that one." I chuckled.

"Hey, uh. Sorry to interrupt," Jay spoke, and I glanced over at him. "Lukas, what the fuck happened to your cheek?"

"That's.. uh, complicated." He replied, frowning. He soon glanced at me, and I frowned, shrugging. "...Has John brought up Axel at all?"

"The guy he fucked that one time?" Tyler asked, and I glanced at him.

"I didn't even tell you his name, how did you-"

"I saw him at Dr. Streinz' office when we took you for that check-up last week. Thought it was weird you hooked up with a guy who works for your doctor, but whatever, I guess."

I stared at him with wide eyes, feeling like someone had just ripped the breath out of me. When I glanced at Lukas, he wore an expression that matched how I felt.

"What are we missing?" Jay frowned. "Why do you guys look like ghosts?"

Lukas started coughing, and I frowned, rubbing his back. "You said he.. works for Streinz?"

"Yeah, you didn't know that?" Tyler tilted his head a little, "How did you not know?"

"He never fucking told me," I huffed. "God damn it."

"Hey." Lukas rested his hand on my shoulder, "Calm down, babe."

I bit my lip, trying not to get annoyed. "I'm so confused," Jay murmured. I sighed,

"Can we talk over soup?"

"Yeah. Look, Jay and I will finish it. You two do whatever. Just.. no fucking on the couch." Tyler murmured. I narrowed my eyes at him,

"I'm not sitting on that couch. I thought you two fucking broke the damn thing last night."

Jay quickly walked out of the room as Tyler's face got red. "Fuck off," He huffed, then walked out. I chuckled, then grabbed Lukas' hand, pulling him to the other couch. He sat down next to me, kicking his shoes off and then curling up against me. I pulled him into my arms, kissing his head.

"How you feeling?"

"Bleh."

I chuckled, rubbing his arm gently. "Care to elaborate?"

"My head hurts," He started, shifting his position a little to rest his head on my chest. "My eyes sting and the wounds from the hallucination hurt. My lungs are tight, it's hard to breathe and my throat is sore. I'm exhausted and feel nauseous. I think the wounds are starting to get infected because of the plague. I might throw up the soup."

"Jeez, I'm sorry baby." I frowned, kissing the top of his head, pausing my rubbing to gaze at him. He frowned, whining a little as he nudged me.

"Why'd you stop?"

I chuckled, beginning to rub his arm again. He sighed, his breath heavy as he rested on me. I tilted my head to get a better look at him, frowning when I saw how tired he looked. "Lukas, love, if you're really that tired, you can go to sleep. It's alright."

"No," He murmured, shaking his head. "Ugh.. I just.. remembered that I have a paper due tomorrow."

"You almost done with your classes, yet?" I asked, letting my head rest against a pillow. He shifted, snuggling closer to me. I smiled, taking a deep breath as I felt a small headache coming on.

"Sorta," Lukas replied. "Like, I'm almost done, because I took so many classes. Wait, that.. I worded that wrong. I'm sorry, my brain is fuzzy."

"It's fine, you dork."

"I took a lot of classes, but I wasn't doing YouTube for a while, so I got through a lot of schoolwork in that time. That left me with not as much for the rest of my classes. Does that make any sense? I can't tell, I'm too out of it."

"Yeah, I think I get what you mean."

"I'm tired," He sighed, a little yawn leaving him. "But I don't want to sleep."

"Baby," I chuckled, kissing the top of his head, "you can sleep. It's fine."

"No," Lukas said, shifting so he could see me. He smiled, then leaned forward, kissing me. "I want to spend time with you."

"We're going to eat, explain everything to Tyler and Jay, and then you're sleeping." I said, kissing his forehead. "You're sick, L. You're supposed to rest when you're sick."

"But I'm here with you," Lukas murmured, his eyes meeting mine. "I don't want to waste any time. We've done that enough already."

"Well, that's true," I frowned, then lifted a hand to stroke the side of his face. "But it's not going to happen anymore."

"How do you know?" He asked, and as I gazed at him, I could tell he was scared. He was scared we'd fuck up again. One of us would slip, and our relationship would buckle at it's knees, come tumbling out underneath us. But now was different. I was prepared to fight for him.

"I know," I murmured, "because I'm not going to let it happen. You're the most important person in my life. I'm going to fight for you. For us."

He smiled, and I leaned forward, capturing his lips in another small kiss. If I knew anything for sure, it was definitely that I would never tire of his kisses. When he pulled away, he rested his head on my chest again, a soft sigh escaping from between his lips. "Phoenix?"

"Yeah, Buttercup?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

We stayed like that for a while, just mumbling softly to each other, talking about nothing in particular at all. It was his presence that I enjoyed, the feeling of him resting against me, the tickle of his hair against my neck, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, the whistle of air that left his nose whenever he took a deep breath. His voice seemed to get worse as time passed, so he talked softer, his voice barely above a whisper.

After a while, Jay and Tyler walked into the room. They handed us bowls of soup and we took them, with a lot of arguing from Lukas about how he "very easily could've gotten it" by himself. He quickly shut up when he actually started eating the food.

I picked at my food, feeling a little nauseous all of a sudden. Lukas had started explaining everything to the boys, and I chipped in when necessary, although I felt rather out of it. I gazed at my bowl of soup, just stirring it in a constant motion, not really focused on anything. The pain in my head began to increase, and I suddenly realized there was a buzzing in my ear. My heart dropped as my breath hitched.

_weak_

My grip on the spoon tightened, my fingers shaking as my vision got hazy. I blinked, once, twice, three times as a purple filter started to climb onto everything. Christ. This can't be happening.

_pathetic_

The buzzing was loud now, and I wasn't sure I could even hear my thoughts. I knew they were there, I knew I could hear them, but they were so overpowered. By the buzzing, by the headache, by the other thoughts

_w e a k_

_p a t h e t i c_

I squeezed my eyes shut. I heard voices, heard them talking, but it was muffled. I felt like I was drowning, like I was underwater, way down, way down, way down until I could barely see the surface. The sun was gone, it was dark, I was drowning, I wouldn't be able to get out. There's no way I'd be able to get out. How would I possibly get out?

_m o n s t e r_

There was a sudden emptiness between my fingers. When I opened my eyes, the bowl in my hands had been dropped. Everything was purple, my hand was trembling and the rest of my body was, too. Arms were wrapped around me, making me shake harder as confusion overwhelmed my senses. I couldn't figure out who it is.

_M O N S T E R_

I twisted and turned, trying to get out of their arms. I felt pain in my hands, in my eyes, in my mouth. It was pain, actual pain, paired with a feeling of coldness. My eyes also burned as the buzzing echoed through my body, reaching every part of me, shaking my bones and freezing my blood. I kept struggling as I felt a wetness against my face- when had I started crying?

_W A S T E_

_O F_

_S P A C E_

I stared down at the purple that covers my hands, the couch I sit on, the arms that are around me, the air I can't see. Everything is purple, and it's so strong. I could barely see myself. It felt like someone' had a blindfold, a purple blindfold- it was coming closer and closer to my eyes, drowning out everything except for it's royal color. 

_W A S T E_

_O F_

_L I F E_

Fingers were running through my hair as something was shoved in front of me. I shut my mouth, keeping it clamped when I realize they're pills. I didn't need them, didn't deserve them, couldn't use them. A hand grabbed my face, keeping it in place as the pills were forced between my lips. I reluctantly swallowed them, feeling suddenly cold.

_w a s t e_

_o f_

_l o v e_

The purple started fading, the buzzing grew quieter. I kept shaking as I slowly became aware of everything again. I could hear the voices, and they grew clearer with every passing second.

"John? Johnny, love, can you hear me?" I realized it was Lukas, and I swallowed, fear rising in my chest. He had seen me break down, watched me have an episode. 

"I-" A single letter escaped from between my lips before my voice cracked and more tears left my eyes. He pulled me against him, his arms holding me securely. His hold on me was protective as I sobbed, my fingers curling into fists.

"It's okay. It's over, baby, I'm here, okay? I've got you." He spoke to me softly, his voice gentle, as if he was afraid he'd hurt me even more. I squeezed my eyes shut as I cried, desperately trying to calm down but failing to do so.

Minutes passed and I finally caught my breath, my eyes finally stopping the flow of the tears. I pulled away from Lukas, and gazed down at my hands, my mind whirring. Apparently, at some point during the episode, I had unsheathed the claws I had only recently obtained. Come to think of it, my mouth was sore, too. Not my mouth, but my gums.

What was happening to me?

Lukas' hand caressed the side of my face. I bit my lip, glancing up at him. He gazed at me with a steady look, before he frowned. His thumb reached over, pulling my upper lip up slightly, before he dropped his hand. I gazed at him in confusion, an uneasy feeling stretching over me.

"You've got fangs," He said, and I blinked, only then realizing the unfamiliar protrusions in my mouth. That'd explain why it had started hurting. I prodded them with my tongue, slowly frowning. I leaned back against the couch, hugging my knees to my chest. What a fucking freak I had become.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, gazing at my knees. "I'm sorry. I'm s-so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" He asked, his fingers meeting my chin. He tilted my head up, making me look at him. "Don't apologize for anything, John, please."

"I'm a freak," I whispered, tears threatening to spill yet again. Lukas shook his head, pulling me into a hug.

"If you're a freak, baby," He sighed, "then we're all freaks. You're not a freak, Phoenix. You're quite far from it."

"I broke down," I whispered, "I had another episode. But it was in front of you. And now, now my Tempest shit is acting up, and there's so many things wrong with me-"

"Shush."

"W-What?"

"I said,  _shush._ None of those things are true. You couldn't help it, John, and there's nothing wrong with you." He pulled away from me to gaze at me again, and I sniffled.

"You're sick," I spoke, gazing at one of the gray marks that littered his body. "And you just had a hallucination today. And now I'm here, making you worry about me. Fuck, I can't do anything right. I'm so sorry."

I was overwhelmed in guilt. I felt terrible- Lukas had driven to the apartment to see me. I was supposed to take care of him, to make him feel better, but no, here I was, breaking down and losing my mind in front of him.

"Did you make the conscious decision to have an episode right now, right in front me?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No, of course not!"

"Then why are you freaking out?" Lukas frowned, kissing my forehead. "There was nothing you could do about it, John. Things happen. And if you haven't noticed, we usually have our.. things.. within the same day of each other."

He turned his head to sneeze into his arm, and I frowned more. "But you're sick, and I should be taking care of you.."

"John, please," He sighed, turning his head to look at me again. His eyes were full of sadness as he gazed at me, a frown on his pretty lips. "Please don't feel bad, baby. You have no reason to."

I sniffled, but nodded. "No promises, but okay." 

I turned my head when I heard footsteps, blinking when I saw Tyler walk into the room, Jay walking behind him. "Hey, John. You better now, man?" Tyler frowned, sitting on the couch across from us.

I nodded, gazing down at my hands, and sheathing my claws. "Yeah."

"That's good," Jay said, sitting beside Tyler. "So, um, I think I know the answer, but you're not planning on going to see Dr. Streinz because of this episode, are you?"

Before I could even open my mouth, a pillow was suddenly thrown at Jay. I blinked, and he glared at Lukas. I watched quietly as the same pillow flew across the room and knocked into Lukas. "Hey, fuckhead, I thew the pillow at you for a  _reason,_ " Lukas glared, flipping him off. "No, he's not going to see that fuckhead."

"It's really weird having two people with telekinesis in the room," Tyler sighed, and I nodded in agreement.

"Okay, well, we're all caught up on what's happening." Jay sighed. "And I'd love to stay and chat, but Tyler and I have a meeting to go to, and we're already ten minutes late. Lukas, are you staying the night?"

"Uh.. probably," Lukas murmured.

"Okay. We can talk more later, then. We gotta go now, though. Bye, you guys. John, take care of the house, and take care of Lukas. Lukas, take care of John, and make sure he doesn't burn the house down."

I rolled my eyes as I waved goodbye to them. They soon quickly left, and I glanced over at Lukas, who gazed at me with his head tilted.

"What do you think making out with someone who has fangs is like?" He asked, and I blinked, my eyes widening when he shoved his lips against mine without warning. I quickly relaxed, parting my lips when his tongue brushed against my lower lip. I ran my fingers through his hair as he traced his down my body. We parted shortly after, and he chuckled, grinning at me. "I've determined what it's like."

"What's it like?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"It's hot," He nodded, and I laughed, pulling him into another kiss.

Minutes later, we finally actually parted, and he stood up, stretching. I shifted, then stood up, pulling him into my arms and kissing his forehead. "You still tired?" I asked.

"A little," Lukas replied, glancing up at me with those gorgeous eyes of his. "But not enough to fall asleep just yet."

I smiled, then bent down, scooping him up in my arms. His eyes widened, and he latched his arms around my neck, burying his head into my shoulder. "Then we'll watch Netflix and cuddle until we pass out, if that's fine with you." I started making my way up to my bedroom without waiting for a response.

He hummed, pretending to think before he kissed my cheek. "Yeah, I think that sounds pretty good."

I walked into my room and laid him down on the bed, turning the TV on before I sat down next to him. A muzzle poked out from underneath a pile of blankets, and then eyes blinked open. Luka stood, shaking the blankets off of him and padding over. Lukas shot up, gazing at the dog with wide eyes. "Luka!"

Luka bounded over to him, excitedly jumping around. Lukas giggled, petting him and trying to calm him down a little. "Luka!" I called, smiling. "Luka, boy, calm down."

He calmed after a few moments, laying down right next to Lukas, who happily started petting him. I smiled, choosing something to watch on Netflix and then laying down. Lukas soon laid his own head down, and then shifted so he could rest against me, but being careful not to disturb Luka.

"I can't wait until this is how we go to bed every night," Lukas said, yawning a little as he gazed at me. I smiled, leaning forwards to kiss him. He kissed me back, and when we parted, I pulled him closer against me, taking comfort in his warmth.

"Neither can I, L. I love you."

"I love you too, baby boy."

I smiled at that, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. 

This was the happiest I had been in a long, long time.

I wouldn't change a thing about my life, even if I could.

I don't think I'd ever want to.

No, I definitely would never want to.

As long as Lukas is by my side, the world can do as it pleases.

I know we'll be alright.

We've gotta be.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sexual themes in this chapter. uwu

**lukas**

 

I gazed down at my laptop, scratching at my nose while John shifted beside me. He sighed, resting his chin on my shoulder. "Anything?"

"Nope," I sighed, glancing at him. He frowned, then leaned forward, kissing my forehead. "This is so tiresome."

"Trust me, I know," He chuckled, glancing over at his own laptop. Last night, we had passed out early, and awoke to all of the boys in the apartment. Apparently Tyler and Jay had told everyone.. everything.

So now, we were all gathered in the living room, trying to find anything on Axel or Dr. Streinz, or the medical facility they worked at. We'd been researching all day, and nobody had caught onto anything. I was incredibly fucking tired of staring at my laptop.

The door opened, and Luke walked in, his hair a mess and hickeys all over his neck. I rolled my eyes, and he chuckled as the room got quiet. "Hi, fellas."

"Who are you fucking seeing, man?" Brian asked, staring at Luke with furrowed eyebrows.

"Not yet, you'll find out soon." He seemed a little uncomfortable as he spoke, but then walked over to John and I. "Here, I figured you two would appreciate this."

A plastic bag of already-rolled blunts were tossed at us, and I grinned. John blinked, then glanced at Luke. "You're a saint of a man."

"I know," He chuckled, and then handed me a lighter. "I rolled them all in my car, like five minutes ago, because I was bored. Have fun, kiddos."

Luke sat down on a chair, stretching with a tired yawn. The guys looked at us, and I pulled one out, heating it up with the lighter. "Wait a minute, both of you- wh- huh?" Evan tilted his head as he looked at us, and I shrugged.

"You're telling me a single one of you hasn't gotten high? Mhm, yeah, cause I totally believe that," I murmured, taking a hit from it. John nudged me, and I blinked, then blew the smoke out at him. He rolled his eyes, 

"Give."

I handed him the blunt, resting my head on his shoulder after he took it. "I needed this today," I murmured, throwing a set of finger-guns at Luke. "Thanks, bro."

"No problem. Now shut up, I'm trying to sleep."

I chuckled, glancing at John and then stealing the blunt from him. "Asshole," He murmured, and I rolled my eyes.

"You act as if we're going to run out anytime soon."

"Don't get too high, please. I've seen John get high before," Tyler murmured, raising his eyebrows. "It's a mess."

"Lukas is, too. I hope you guys get high as fuck. I wanna see that." Luke spoke, and I flipped him off.

"Thought you were going to sleep?"

"Eh," He shrugged. "By the way, if anyone else wants a blunt, you're more than welcome to take one."

"They are?" John asked, frowning, and I laughed.

"Don't be selfish, babe," I murmured, and he rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

Nobody made any move to grab one, and I passed the blunt to John, letting a small yawn slip out. "All of you fuckers are lame."

"I don't feel like getting high while doing research," Marcel murmured, and Scotty shifted beside him.

"I do, give me one." He murmured, and I grinned, shifting to grab another. I handed it to Scotty from across the table. Luke threw a lighter at him.

"How many lighters do you have?" I asked, blinking. "Also, good for you, Scotty."

"This is bullshit, you guys are tainting my boyfriend and I don't appreciate it." Marcel huffed, and John chuckled.

"Your boyfriend is a fully grown man who can make his own choices, Marcel." John raised an eyebrow, and Scotty rested against Marcel as he took a hit from his blunt.

"I have.. all of the lighters," Luke grinned, and I shook my head.

"He's high," I sighed. John nudged me,

"Grab another blunt, this one's out already."

"Christ, we went through that fast," I murmured, grabbing another one. "Not surprised, though."

"I'm tired," John whined, and I raised an eyebrow at him as I heated the blunt. "Wait, no. Not tired. I'm bored."

"Life is boring," I said, taking a hit and then passing it to John. He took a drag, then pulled me into a kiss. I kissed him back, pulling away and chuckling at the smoke in the air. He pulled me against him, kissing the top of my head. 

"Life isn't boring when I have you," He murmured, and I gazed up at him, narrowing my eyes.

"That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said, but it was cute so I can't be mad." I spoke,  poking his chest. He smiled, running his fingers through my hair.

"You're cute."

"I know," I sighed, "but so are you."

"Mm, that's good to know."

I took the blunt from him, taking another hit. "Baby, I wanna do something," I said, and he sat up, wrapping his arms around me.

"Like what?"

"I don't know, I want to go somewhere."

"Well, where?" 

"I don't know," I huffed, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Anywhere."

"That doesn't help very much," John murmured, frowning. I blinked, poking one of his dimples.

"Quit frowning, I like it better when you smile," I said, a smile of my own forming when he smiled at me. I pulled him into a kiss, brushing a bit of his hair out of his face.

"Hey! Quit it with the PDA," Ryan yelled, and I rolled my eyes when we parted.

"But.. why?" I asked, glancing over at him, raising my eyebrows when I realized he was sitting in Anthony's lap. "You're.. literally in your boyfriend's lap."

"Probably giving him a hard-on," John added, and I chuckled.

"Hey, fuck the both of you," Anthony huffed, flipping us off.

"The only fucking I'll be doing is to Lukas," John murmured, and I raised my eyebrows when I turned my head to look at him.

"Who said you'll be doing any fucking at all?"

"Please," He huffed, "as if you don't want-"

"You two are absolutely not talking about this in front of us," Del murmured, covering his ears. Evan chuckled, pulling him closer against him.

"I could really go for some pizza right now," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair after handing the blunt to John. He nodded in agreement,

"Like, thick crust, right? Extra cheesy. Lots of pepperoni."

"God, John, I'm getting hard just thinking about it," I sighed, resting against him. He laughed, kissing my forehead.

"Someone order pizza before it's too late."

"You guys are so irresponsible." Brock sighed as he stood, grabbing his phone. "What do the rest of you want?"

As he started taking requests, I laid down, putting my laptop on the table. John shifted, and pulled me over, so my head rested on his lap. I gazed up at him, narrowing my eyes when he blew in my face. "Who's the asshole now?"

"Guess I am," He sighed, one hand reaching down to play with my hair. I smiled, stretching a little as our eyes met.

"Hey, y'know what I've always thought about?"

"What?"

"Sex. But like, wait, that came out wrong-"

John laughed, his smile so overwhelmingly gorgeous that it brought butterflies straight to my belly. "Yeah, I'm not surprised that you always think about sex."

"That's not what I meant," I whined, covering my face. I soon removed my hands, throwing them over my head as I bit my lower lip. "I meant, like, certain aspects of it. Like, every time I fuck, it's so vanilla."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow as he gazed at me, his interest obviously piqued. "Kinks?"

"Like, yeah. I don't know what I'm into," I giggled as he lowered his hand, holding the blunt to my lips. I took a puff, humming when he pulled it away, then blowing the smoke out.

"We should take a night to figure it out," He replied, smiling down at me. I grinned, pulling him down to connect our lips. He kissed me back, his hand cupping the side of my face. I licked his lower lip, and he parted his lips, pulling me up and into his lap. 

"Y'all better knock that out before I vomit." I heard Jay's voice, and I pulled away, flipping him off.

"Petty ass bitch."

"Okay, so you and Tyler can fuck on the couch all of you idiots are sitting on-" John pointed to the couch across the room, "but I can't make out with my boyfriend?"

Brock, Brian, and Evan all stood up, quickly getting off of the couch. The rest of the boys stayed there, not even glancing up. "Evan, grab me a blunt?" Delirious asked, stretching. Evan huffed, then grabbed one, and handed it to him. Scotty tossed him the lighter.

"When's the pizza here? I want pizza," I whined, slumping against John. He wrapped his arms around me, and I took the blunt from him, taking another hit. I glanced at him, and then blew it towards his lips, grinning when he took it in. When he blew it out, I pulled him into another kiss, although this one was short.

"I want you," He whispered into my ear, making my breath hitch. I giggled, kissing his cheek.

"Later. Pizza first, dummy."

"Can't argue with that," John smiled, and I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "But my God, the things we'll do tonight."

"Who said you were topping?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I stuck a strand of hair behind his ear. He tilted his head at me,

"Who said I wasn't?"

"Rock paper scissors, best of three ends up topping tonight."

He grinned at me, "Deal, but I'm going to win."

I held my hand out and so did he. "Yeah right, loser. Rock, paper, scissors.. shoot!"

I landed a rock, while he landed paper. He grinned at me, "I've got this in the bag, L."

"Don't get so cocky," I murmured, narrowing my eyebrows. "Best of three, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah. Rock, paper, scissors.. shoot!"

I landed scissors, and he landed paper again. "Fuck," He huffed, and I grinned.

"It's anyone's game, now. But it's definitely mine. You're going to be such a mess tonight, Johnny."

His face flushed as he gazed at me, but he rolled his eyes anyway. "No way in hell you're topping."

"Well, let's see. Rock, paper, scissors.. shoot!"

I pulled out scissors, and he did, too. 

"God damn it, let's go again." I huffed, and he chuckled.

"Rock, paper, scissors.. shoot!"

I pulled out scissors one more time, and he landed paper. I grinned as he gazed at our hands, a disappointed look on his face. "You're fucking kidding me," He huffed, glancing over at me.

I smiled, kissing his forehead. "I'm going to fucking ruin you tonight, baby," I whispered, grinning as I pulled away. 

His face was red as he spoke. "Shut up, Reed," He huffed, rolling his eyes. 

"You're so cute," I murmured, pulling him against me, "acting as if you don't like it. As if you're not excited."

"Shut  _up,_ Reed."

"I can tell how excited you are," I hummed, playing with his hair as he squirmed. "You do a terrible job of containing it, John."

"Lukas."

"You're arguing, but I know you don't want me to stop."

"Stop," He whined, covering his face.

"Don't feel like it."

"You can't do this. It's illegal."

I chuckled, kissing his cheek gently. "I'm already getting to you, huh, cutie?"

"Lukas, please," He huffed, and I took his hands off of his face, kissing his nose. 

"Please what?"

"You can't- you can't get me all worked up," John mumbled, his voice quiet. "Not yet, we- we still have shit to do."

I grinned, loving how embarrassed he seemed to be. "So you admit it, then? I'm getting to you, baby? You thinking of what's going to happen?" I asked, pulling his face close to mine as I whispered. "Thinking of being underneath me, wanting more?"

He whined, glancing away. I forced him to look at me, smiling as I kissed him. He kissed me back, and when we parted, I kissed his nose. "You're so cute, John."

"Next time I top," he huffed, "I'm going to fucking destroy you for this."

"Yeah yeah, whatever, next time is next time, baby boy." I chuckled, shifting to take a hit from the blunt. "But tonight is tonight. Hours from now. Not that far away, but you want it to be here already, don't you?"

I smiled when I saw his knee, shaking as he bounced his leg up and down. He shook his head, "Nope."

"You're lying."

"I'm not lying."

I shifted, grabbing his face with my hand, keeping a firm hold on it but making sure not to hurt him. "Tell me you're not lying. Look me in the eyes, baby, and tell me you're not lying."

Our eyes met, and he parted his lips to speak. "I'm- I'm not lying." His eyes dodged to the side as he spoke, and I grinned.

"You're a liar," I cooed, kissing his forehead. "It's cute, though."

He shook his head, stealing the blunt from me and taking a hit from it. "Getting high sounded great. Getting teased by you when what I really want is to get laid isn't so great."

I chuckled at his blunt comment, kissing the top of his head. "You'll get it, cutie, I promise you will. You've just gotta wait a little."

"I don't wanna wait," He whispered, his face pink, and I grinned, my heart flipping. God, I was so in love with him.

"Too bad."

"Pizza's here!" Brock stood up, walking to the door. John straightened, running his fingers through his hair.

"Never been more excited for pizza in my life," He murmured, stretching. I smiled,

"Wonder why."

 

•

 

I threw John against the bed, shutting the door with my telekinesis. He gasped as I straddled him, pressing my lips against his neck. I nipped at his skin gently, loving how his breath hitched. He ran his fingers through my hair, little whines escaping from between his lips. I chuckled, sucking on his sweet spot.

"God, you're so cute when you're like this," I whispered, pulling away from him to tug my shirt off. While I was doing so, he took the opportunity to sit up and push me down, pressing his lips against my skin. "You cheeky fucker."

"Can't just get away with that," He huffed, marking up and down my torso. I shivered when he ran his tongue over my collarbone, biting my lip to stifle a moan.

"Mm, I know you like it though," I smiled, gasping when he nipped gently. He grinned, continuing to make marks on my skin. After a few moments, I pushed him off of me, pulling him into a kiss. He kissed me back, our tongues fighting, until mine inevitably won. John ran his fingers down my chest, and I soon pulled away from him. I kissed his neck, marking it up more before I quickly tugged his shirt off of his body. 

I pushed him down again, rolling his skin between my teeth. He whimpered, his fingers curling around the bed-sheets. I chuckled, "You like this, baby? My lips against your skin as I bite you, mark you up so nicely, make sure everyone knows you're mine?"

He nodded, and I pulled away, running my fingers through his hair. "I'm gonna need an audible response here, love."

"Y-Yes," He huffed, and I chuckled. I kissed down his torso, until the beginning of his jeans interrupted me. I lifted my head one more time and glanced at him, leaning up to kiss him softly. He kissed me back, fingers tracing through my hair. When we parted, our eyes locked, and he hummed.

"I love you, Lukas."

I smiled, running my hands down his sides and kissing at his neck.

"I love you, too."

 

•

 

We laid in bed for a while, talking softly as we stared at the ceiling. John nudged my shoulder slightly,

"Get the lights?" He asked, and I yawned, glancing over at the light switch. I flicked it off with my telekinesis, making him chuckle. "That's still so cool," he hummed, and I smiled, kissing his forehead. "Mm. I just realized something."

"What'd you realize?" I asked, grabbing the blankets and throwing them over us, tightening them around us. He hummed, pressing kisses against my chest.

"We didn't do a whole ton of kink-exploring."

"That's true," I chuckled, kissing the top of his head. "That's alright, though. There's always next time. I was more focused on making you feel good."

"Well, you did that pretty well," He giggled, and I smiled, pulling him into a kiss. 

"Hope you're excited to wake up to a breakfast with waffles and lots of fruit, orange juice and some painkillers."

"That sounds pretty fuckin' good to me," He murmured, kissing my nose. "I hope  _you're_ excited for the next time we fuck, 'cause you're in for it, baby."

I felt my face heat up, but I smiled, "Mm, okay."

He pulled me into another kiss, and I kissed him back. We held it for a while before we finally parted, and he yawned, snuggling closer against me. I shut my eyes, feeling tired as I held him against me.

"Goodnight, L. I love you-" he yawned, "-so fucking much."

"I love you too, Johnny. Goodnight."

I held John close to me as I drifted asleep, nothing on my mind other than lovely thoughts of the boy in my arm. Thoughts of him, and of our future. Thoughts of hope. Thoughts of a life we'd finally be able to live.

Thoughts that eventually turned to dreams, as sleep's sweet grace finally overwhelmed my senses.

I fell asleep with my world in my arms.


	14. Chapter 14

**john**

 

_one week later_

 

"What am I supposed to do?" Lukas glanced at me, frowning. "Just go up to him? Start talking shit? Last time I confronted Axel, I got this." He pointed at the wound on his cheek, which was beginning to scar. 

It had been about a week since we had started researching. We spent every day looking up things about Streinz, Axel, the medical facility, the old lab (which we suspected was still up and running), the whole Tempest thing, hell, we'd even looked at reports on the Violet Plague, under the impression we might be able to find something Streinz had written. We had found close to nothing, except for the fact that Streinz had been working at the facility since around the time Lukas had killed him. Axel started working there about a week after.

We were missing a ton of information.

Nothing added up.

"Just.. confront him. Don't attack him," I murmured. "I'll be right here. If Axel does anything, I'll be over there within seconds."

"What's the guarantee he'll even come out here?"

"I told you, Luke said he saw him smoking out back. We can probably catch him there."

"Why are we going into this with nobody else?" Lukas sighed, and I frowned, reaching forwards and resting my hand on his shoulder.

"We come with back-up, he gets suspicious. It's not going to work out," I mumbled, meeting his eyes. "It's not safe, but if we want  _any_ answers, we have to approach this shit head on."

"I wanted this part of my life to be over," He murmured, and I grabbed his hand, kissing the top of it.

"Baby, I don't think it's ever going to be over. Part of it will be stuck with you forever."

He sighed, glancing away from me. "I'm scared, John. What if something goes wrong?"

"It probably will," I replied, frowning. He shot me a look,

"So much for being positive."

"Realistic," I corrected him, then kissed his forehead.  "This is the life we got sucked into all those years ago. I don't recall a single time something went right for us, but hey, we powered through it, didn't we?"

"I guess," Lukas frowned. I shook my head,

"No, we  _did._ We wouldn't be here together if we hadn't, would we?"

"Well.. no."

"Exactly. We did it before, time and time again, even when both of us wanted to nothing more than give up."

"I kind of did give up."

"Did you really, though?" I frowned, glancing at the medical center in the distance, the building that sent waves of fear pulsating through my body. "We're standing in front of a building that could ruin everything for us. But we're pushing through. We're going after what we need. Lukas, what do you want to come out of this, baby?"

His answer was quick, assuring me he had thought about it before, over and over. "I want that lab shut down. I want everyone in there liberated. I want them to be reunited with their families, rescued from the torture they've had to endure."

"And how do you expect that to happen?"

Lukas sighed, "..We don't have a choice here, do we?"

"Not really."

I leaned against Bella, running my fingers through my hair as I kept my gaze on the building. The sun shone brightly, high up in the sky, making me squint a little. The atmosphere was serene, too peaceful surrounding a building that contained people who did so many horrible things. Whether or not the center was a place containing only white-coats, or if Streinz had just managed to sneak under the radar, was something we weren't sure of. I hoped it was the latter, though- if white-coats had managed to establish a center in the middle of a busy town, where it was visible by anyone and everyone, who knows what else they were capable of?

"It's calm," Lukas murmured, "too calm."

"Calm before the storm," I murmured, pulling my vape out of my pocket and taking a hit from it. I blew the vapor out, sighing. "Not going to lie, I'm scared shitless."

"Me too," He mumbled. I blinked, feeling his hand slip down and meet mine. He intertwined our fingers, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. "But we're doing this together."

Together.

It was a word that described our relationship from the beginning- since the day we met, we started doing everything together. When we started dating, we were together in a literal definition, united together as a couple. Despite all of that, I think it described us better now, than it ever had before.

Before we started dating again, even.

There was a sense of comfort that hadn't been there before. A sense of bittersweet familiarity, that made me crave him harder than I had before- made me want him back in my life, back in my arms, back where he belonged. And to say he belonged with me seemed cocky- overconfident, egotistical. But I  _knew_ he loved me. I  _knew_ he wanted me, just as badly as I wanted him.

I had lost him, time and time again. When he walked away from me on the night we broke up, I finally realized how fucking stupid I had been, letting the love of my life slip away from me like that. Of course, I wanted him to be happy- and if he was happier without me, I would've preferred it that he didn't stay with me. But then I saw the chance to pull him back into my life, and I fucking snatched the opportunity. Of course I would. What kind of idiot would I have been if I hadn't?

Now that he was back, I felt.. infinitely happier than I had been in a long fucking time. We had never spoken of the difference between us, the easygoing feeling we had, compared to how it was before. Not to say we didn't understand each other when we dated before- we understood each other perfectly from the very beginning. 

But now.. if I could put a name to it, I would. I couldn't, though. The difference was there, and I know he felt it just as much as I did. I was glad it was there, though. The break between us provided time to ourselves, and now that we were together again, I knew there was nobody else I'd rather be with.

Growing up, I never understood how someone could be "in love." How could you possibly love someone so much? So much that you'd sacrifice yourself in seconds, if it meant they'd be happy? It was a foreign concept. I swore I'd never be a dumb adult. I'd never be in love.

I was wrong.

"Lukas?" I asked, running my thumb over the top of his hand, then turning to look at him.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I pulled him into a kiss, smiling when our lips met. He hummed, squeezing my hand gently. I felt safe in his embrace, loving the way his free hand came up and cupped my face, the way his thumb ran over my cheek, gently sending waves of love flowing through my skin. I rested my hand against his neck, before running it up and through his hair. When we parted, I chuckled, breathless and swarmed with an overwhelming sense of love for the boy who stood beside me.

"I love you too."

A loud "fuck" broke the moment, both of our heads turning to see where it came from. My eyes landed on Axel,  who was slumped against the side of the medical center, a joint between his lips. 

"Ah, shit.." Lukas huffed, then squeezed my hand. "It's now or never, huh?"

"Yeah."

We walked to the medical center, careful to stay out of his view. I stopped by the front, pulling Lukas into a kiss. When we parted, I kissed his forehead, over and over. "I'm going to be right here, okay? The second he does anything wrong, I'll be over in a second, I swear. Okay?"

"Okay, okay," He murmured, wrapping his arms around me. "I got this."

"You got this."

"Why do I have to do the talking, again?"

"Because you've always been better with words, and I'm going to beat his face in if I'm close enough."

"Oh, yeah, that's right."

"I'm right here, though, okay? Just talk normally. Don't-"

"John, I got this. I'll be fine."

"Okay. Be careful, please. I love you."

He kissed me, and when we parted, kissed my cheek. "I'll be careful, I swear. I love you too."

Then he walked off, towards Axel. I poked my head around the corner, watching from a distance. After a while, Axel picked his head up. I frowned when he straightened. Luckily, the two were close enough so that I could still hear them.

"Lukas Reed, funny seeing you here." Axel murmured, taking a hit from his joint. "Want a puff?"

"No thanks," Lukas blinked, tucking his hands into his pockets. "I'm here for answers."

"Funny," He said, raising an eyebrow at him, "I could've sworn you wanted to avoid me at all times the last time we met."

Axel's face was bruised, and his nose was covered in a bandage of some sort. I couldn't help but get the feeling Lukas was responsible for that.

"I still do. I don't like the fact that I'm talking to you, here, right now." Lukas murmured, the wind blowing his hair as he spoke. "But we've all gotta do things we don't want to sometimes, right?"

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"You're working at a medical center. With Streinz. You enjoy that?" Lukas tilted his head, and I bit my lip, smiling. He was trying to get to him, trying to pull answers out without asking him directly.

"Of course I do," Axel huffed, straightening. He seemed offended, immediately defending his stance. "The doctor is important to me."

"Important?"

"Why is our relationship a concern to you, Reed?" Axel narrowed his eyes, and Lukas threw his hands up.

"Chill, buddy. I'm just saying.. working with a white-coat, when you were experimented on yourself?"

"Dr. Streinz isn't like the rest of them," Axel muttered. "He deserved a second chance."

"What second chance?"

"Second chance at life, you idiot," He huffed. "And let's not forget who killed him in the first place?"

"I killed him for a good reason," Lukas murmured. As time passed, his voice grew colder, and I realized I was watching two predators on the verge of leaping at each other. Both of them were pissed. "He nearly killed me. He ruined my life, Axel. Wouldn't you want to hurt someone who hurt you?"

"You don't think I haven't done that?!" Axel's hands curled into fists, and I took a step forward, ready to go over before they actually started fighting. I stayed still, though, not going just yet. "I know what it feels like to suffer, Lukas. I know what it feels like to want revenge."

"Then why are you  _working_ for him!?"

"He cares about me!"

"He's a psychopath, Axel, he couldn't care about you if he fucking tried."

Within seconds, Lukas was slammed against the wall of the medical center, and Axel growled, his fangs bared. "Shut your fucking mouth, Reed."

"Fuck you."

Before Axel could make another move, I was over there, pushing him off of Lukas. I slammed him against the wall, glaring at him. "Don't touch my fucking boyfriend."

"Why? You afraid I'll do to him what I did to you?" Axel chuckled, and I watched his eyes grow black. I tightened my grip on his shoulders, trying to keep myself calm. "Turn you into something you wish you weren't? A monster?"

"We came here for answers," I huffed, meeting eyes with him and keeping my gaze steady. "Not for a fight. If your bitch ass wants that, though, I'll be happy to help."

"Is that a threat?" He hissed, and I chuckled. As time went on, I started becoming aware of the changes in my body- and I knew, without a doubt in my mind, that my eyes had gone black.

"It's a promise."

Axel smiled, before he pushed me off of him, grabbing Lukas before I could do anything about it. He pulled something out of his pocket, and I grabbed his arm, but it was too late. He shoved the needle into Lukas' neck, and within seconds, Lukas fell limp.

I pushed him against the wall again, "What'd you do to him?"

"He's asleep, buddy, calm down." He chuckled, his hand slipping into his pocket again. I grabbed his arm before he could take anything out of it, and he growled, pushing off of the wall and then pinning me to it. I huffed, glaring at him as he held a hand against my neck. "This won't hurt, I promise."

"I hope you fucking burn, Axel," I spat, wincing as he shoved a different needle into my neck. He smiled, and that was the last thing I saw before everything went black.

 

•

 

"John. John? John, baby, please wake up." I felt myself being nudged, and I groaned, blinking my eyes open. Lukas stood in front of me, and I blinked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"What.. where are we?"

We were in a completely white room, a single door in one of the walls and nothing else. I rubbed my neck, wincing at the bit of pain I felt. "We're, uh.." He sighed, "..we're at the lab."

"We.. what?" I furrowed my eyebrows, glancing at him again. His mismatched eyes met mine, and I saw that they were laced with worry.

"Axel knocked us out and took us here," He mumbled, and I frowned, sitting up and propping my back against the wall. I groaned, running my fingers through my hair.

"You're not serious."

"I am," He sighed. "But hey, at least they were nice enough to keep us together?"

"Yeah, real nice of them," I scoffed, and he frowned, kissing my forehead. To be honest, I was fucking terrified. The pure white that surrounded us sent uneasiness climbing through my veins, and the fact that we were in a building where people were experimented on sent fear ricocheting throughout my heart.

"John, look at me." Lukas' fingers met my chin, and he tilted my head up, making me look at him. "We're going to be okay, alright? I've gotten out of here before. We'll make it out, I promise."

"What if we- what if we don't?" I couldn't manage to mask the fear that slipped out through my voice, and he frowned, kissing my forehead. 

"We will, okay? We'll figure it out, one way or another, baby boy." I glanced at him, and the reassuring gaze he gave me made me want to burst into tears.

"L-Lukas," I whispered, hugging my knees to my chest, "I'm scared."

Lukas pulled me against him, and I rested my head against his chest, biting my lip to prevent tears from streaming down my face. He ran his fingers through my hair, whispering words of comfort into my ears. "It's alright. It's okay to be afraid, Johnny. I am, too. But I'm here, okay? I'm right here. You'll be fine. We'll be alright."

We stayed like that for a long time, until the door opened and Axel walked in. Lukas immediately tightened his grip on me, and I picked my head up, glancing over at him. Axel shut the door, crossing his arms over his chest as he gazed at us.

"Be thankful I convinced my dad to put you two together in a room."

"Your dad?" Lukas asked, and I shifted, frowning as Axel sat down across from us.

"Streinz. He's my dad. Well, not biologically. It's complicated."

"Are you about to give us your backstory? Because I'm not interested." I frowned, shifting slightly to be closer to Lukas.

"You said you wanted answers, didn't you? There are things I can't tell you," He murmured, running his fingers through his curls. "I'd get my ass kicked if I did."

"Explain what you can, then." Lukas murmured, and I frowned, uneasy.

"I was fifteen when they took me in," He  said, glancing down at the floor. His voice was steady as he spoke, and I tried to listen for any hints that he could be lying. "I was experimented on far more than the others, probably because I resisted with everything in me. They talked quietly around me, but whenever they talked, I always paid attention. They wanted to turn me into what they donned a 'demon,' or a fighting machine, I guess.

"So, experiment after experiment, they modified me, turned me into what I am today. Except they fucked up. They failed to get rid of my free will. I wasn't mindless, like they had tried to make me." Axel's voice grew quiet, and I tilted my head as I watched him. "For whatever reason, they opted to call me Tempest, instead of Demon. I was a mistake. They couldn't call the mistake what the end result was supposed to be. And we don't like mistakes here, right? So like you'd expect, they tried to kill me."

"I'm guessing they didn't go about it the right way," Lukas muttered.

"No, they couldn't even fucking kill me right. So I snapped." He rested his head in his hands. "I murdered them. So many of them. I killed probably half of them before they finally detained me. They kept me locked away, starved me, nearly to death. Then Streinz walked into my room, grabbed my hand and told me he'd rescue me."

"What?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"He took me in, nurtured me back to health. I didn't understand why he took so much pity on me. He said I reminded him of when he was young. I was scared, at first," He said, tapping on the floor lightly. "But he never did anything to hurt me, so eventually I started to trust him. I'm sure both of you know, but obviously the Doctor is really respected here. So he talked to the higher-ups and managed to convince them to let me become a white-coat."

"They let an experiment become a white-coat?" Lukas sat up a bit, his curiosity clearly piqued. 

"I've got no idea how he managed it, but yeah, they did. Streinz takes care of me. He loves me. I love him. He's like my dad," Axel said, frowning. "It's not like I'll ever see my actual dad again, so I'll gladly take what I can get. Anyways, when Lukas killed him.." Axel paused, gazing at Lukas, who gazed right back without a blink of his eyes, "..I panicked. So I made a reckless move and tried to turn him into a Tempest, hoping that'd save him.. somehow. And it worked."

"Wait, hold on, I'm still confused on the white-coat part." I straightened a little, furrowing my eyebrows. "Wouldn't the other experiments recognize you?"

"Normally, yeah. This happened before Lukas was admitted, by the way," He murmured, running his fingers through his year. "Streinz told me they erased all the memories of everyone in the lab. Everyone who had any memory of me was stripped of them. It's a little hard to think about."

"Why?" Lukas tilted his head.

"I had a friend in the lab," He chuckled, scratching at his neck. "Really nice. We nearly escaped together. He was my best friend. But of course, they erased his memories. The white-coats fucked up, though. They erased too many memories. He can't remember anything about his childhood, about his family, about where he grew up.. it's all my fault."

Lukas was tense beside me, and when I looked at him, he was staring at the floor. He looked to be deep in thought, before he lifted his head and looked at Axel. "Axel, what was his name?"

"Jay."


	15. Chapter 15

**lukas**

 

_two weeks later_

 

"Lukas, you've written the address down at least thirteen thousand times now. I don't think you're going to forget it." John's voice made it's way to my ears and I sighed, dropping the small pencil and piece of paper that Axel had given me minutes after I told him I knew who Jay was.

"Why'd he even give this to me? What are the chances we'll make it out of here?" I rested my head in my hands, letting out a quiet groan.

"C'mere, babe." John's voice got soft, and I sighed, standing up and walking over to him. I sat down next to him and he pulled me to his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. I sighed, resting against him. He picked my hand up, playing with the ring on my pinkie finger. "I'm never going to break the promises I made with this ring." 

"You haven't yet," I said, tilting my head to gaze at him. His eyes focused on my hands, and I smiled, loving the twinkle in those pretty blue orbs of his. His profile was breathtaking, making my heart flutter the longer I stared. His hair fell over his face in various strands, and to this day, I still couldn't believe I had managed to win him over. He was the man I fell in love with. He was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

"And I never will," He hummed, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the ring. "I promise." I chuckled, tilting his head back upwards and pressing a kiss to his lips. He kissed me back, running his stray hand down my back.

When we parted, he wrapped both of his arms around me, pulling me closely against him in a tight hug. "John!" I huffed, my face smushed against his chest, "You're squishing me."

"You're cute," He hummed, kissing the top of my head.

"I'm squished. Can't breathe. Too much hug."

"Not enough hug," He huffed, but loosened his grip anyways. I grinned, shooting up and wrapping my arms around him, squeezing him tightly,

"Jebaited, bitch."

"You cocksucker!" He whined, struggling to get out of my grip.

"Well, you're not wrong," I chuckled, kissing the top of his head, "I do suck cock."

"Shut up," John mumbled, and I giggled, pulling away to pull him into another kiss. He kissed me back, then pushed me to the floor, licking my lower lip. I parted my lips, running my fingers through his hair as our tongues fought. He pulled away after a bit, and hummed, gazing down at me. "Wouldn't it be awkward if someone came in while we were making out?"

"Yeah, but they'd probably leave," I shrugged, and then pulled him back down. He ran his fingers down my body, tracing shapes into my skin. When we parted again, I leaned up, kissing his nose. "I mean, shit, if we're here for the rest of our lives, there's no way we're not fucking again."

He laughed, bubbles of it escaping from between his lips. I grinned, so in love with his laugh. He soon sat up, and I did, too, resting against him. "Hey, Buttercup?"

"Yeah, Phoenix?"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"Oh, cool. Hey, Phoenix?"

"Yeah, Buttercup?"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I love you too."

He smiled at me, kissing the top of my head again. "When we get out of here," He hummed, running his fingers through my hair gently, "we're going to have a day just for us."

"We've had those before."

"But I mean just us. Just us, to do whatever we'd like, for an entire day. Sex, cuddles, kisses, hugs, just you and me, all day. It could be at home, or it could be in another fucking state, for all I care."

"How about Paris?" I asked, smiling when I saw his eyes light up.

"That'd be pretty neat," John chuckled, and I hummed, kissing his cheek.

"The city of romance," I cooed, "where my boyfriend's heart will finally get what it wants."

"I already have you, though," He murmured, and I blushed, flipping him off. He giggled, kissing my forehead. "It's true."

"Whatever," I smiled, pulling him into a gentle kiss, before I laid down on the cold floor. They had brought in a mattress the other day, but neither of us trusted it. I was getting really cold, though, against the freezing tiles. He laid down beside me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me against his chest.

"When do you think we'll get out of here?" He asked, and I shrugged, playing with the strands of hair that had fallen in front of his face.

"No idea. But I'm confident we will eventually."

"There's no way I'm not going to Paris with you. So we have to get out."

"We'll figure something out, baby," I said, leaning in and kissing his nose again. "We always do."

"Do you ever think about how different everything would be if you hadn't been taken?" John wondered, his voice a little quieter than normal. 

"Yeah, I do," I frowned, shifting so I could hear his heartbeat. "A lot, actually. Wonder if we would've made it through high school still hand-in-hand sometimes."

"Well, we made it through an apocalypse, pretty much. I think we would've been fine."

"Probably," I said, glancing up at him. "But there's the possibility it may not have. And although we got the worst possible things handed to us.. I wouldn't trade it, because it all led to this. Led to us. Led to me and you."

"What, us being trapped together in a lab full of crazy scientists?"

"No, asshat," I chuckled, "led to our relationship. Where we are together. It led to something beautiful,  despite all of the chaos."

He was quiet, obviously thinking on my words. "I guess you're right."

"Phoenix," I hummed, tilting my head as I stared up at the white ceiling. "I want to get a phoenix tattooed on me when we're out of here."

"I was thinking about getting a buttercup," John breathed, and I smiled, turning to glance at him.

"Deadass?"

"Deadass," He laughed, kissing my forehead.

"Babe, y'know, I'm starting to think the Tempest thing is great."

"What?"

"I was obsessed with vampires when I was like, ten," I murmured, meeting eyes with him. "I thought having fangs was  _so_ fucking hot. You're making my childhood fantasies come true."

He gazed at me with furrowed eyebrows, before he sighed, failing to mask the smile on his lips. "You're such a fucking dork," He huffed, and I grinned.

"C'mon," I murmured, "a boy with fangs. Look me in the eyes and tell me the gay part of you wasn't  fucking obsessed, at least at one point."

"Can't say I was," He said, and then paused, "but I was a furry."

"W- What?"

"I'm joking!" 

"You ever wonder what the white-coats get off to?"

"And this is where our conversation ends," He shook his head, sitting up. I whined, missing the warmth his body gave off. "Babe, we need to start figuring things out."

"What things?"

"How to get out of here," He murmured, and I sat up, glancing at him. He was gazing at the door, his eyes narrowed. "Hold on."

He stood up, walking over to the door and messing with the handle, frowning. I watched from where I sat, tilting my head to see him unsheathing his claws. He kept messing with the door, and then-

"Holy shit," I breathed, my eyes widening when it swung open. John grinned, taking a step back and sheathing his claws. I walked over to him, "Uh, what- what do we do?"

"As much as I want to say we run away right here and right now, I think we should look for an escape route." John's eyes met mine, and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Are you crazy? This is our chance to get away, let's take it!"

"No, babe- it's too dangerous. You know this lab better than I do. I'll stay here while you look for a  _safe_ way out."

"What if I get caught!?"

"You have telekinesis and know how to put up a fight, also you're not stupid like me." He shrugged, speaking with confidence. "You're not going to get caught."

"This seems really risky," I frowned, poking my head out of the door and looking around. Nobody was in the hallway. "Baby, I don't know.."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"I get caught, my ass gets dragged back to this room, and then we both get our shit fucked." I huffed, turning to glare at him. He frowned,

"And the best is we find a way to get out safely. If we just run out there, unprepared, we're going to get caught. They're probably really high on security, considering they've got Lukas Reed and his boyfriend locked up in a room."

"Damn you for being reasonable," I huffed, smacking his shoulder lightly. He chuckled, kissing my forehead.

"Be careful."

"I will," I sighed, taking a step closer to the door. "I promise."

"Buttercup?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean it," John said, pulling me back into his arms. Our eyes met as he spoke, and the amount of emotion I could see in them took my breath away. "You be quiet, you be stealthy, you figure things out and the second you see anyone you hide. When you need to, come back. Even if you don't have everything figured out, if you're not safe, please come back here immediately. Okay, L? I can't lose you."

"You won't," I whispered. Our lips met seconds later, a gentle kiss between us that comforted me and helped ease the fear I felt. We parted, and I frowned. I couldn't help but feel like that was a goodbye. I pulled him into another kiss before he could say anything, and he kissed me back. I ran my fingers through his hair, sliding my tongue past his lips and into his mouth. Our tongues danced, and he draped his hands around my neck, fingers curling around my shirt. 

"I liked the second kiss more," He breathed when we parted, and I smiled,

"Me too."

"I love you, Lukas."

"I love you too, John. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Okay."

I kissed his forehead, then walked through the door, being quiet but quick as I walked down the hallways. The walls radiated with unsettling familiarity, memories flashing through my head as my pace increased. The entire building scared me, but these hallways were all too familiar- I had walked down them before. Time and time again.

I held my hands over my ears as I sprinted through the hallways, light on my feet. I was trying to get away from the memories, the feeling of needles being shoved in me, the feeling of being strapped to a bed that was cold, the bonds tight and cutting into my skin. Trying to get away from the echoes of voices, of whines and cries from rooms I passed, from whirs of tools and buzzes of medical instruments.

I skidded to a stop when I met a wall, pressing my hands against it and biting my lip, squeezing my eyes shut as my body shook. Memories whirred through my head, one by one, whizzing past and leaving me terrified. I hated it here. Hated it. I couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand it.

My eyes opened, and I ran my fingers through my hair as my breath shook. I pulled my hand off of my head, glancing at it, and then shook my head, gazing at the white hair that partially blocked my vision. White. It was their fault. They ruined me. Turned me into a monster.

My legs were quick to work again, sprinting away from the wall in desperate search of a way out. I couldn't tell how much noise I was making, because as I strayed further away from the room John and I had stayed in, the noises got louder in the others. I couldn't find it in me to care, the desperation growing stronger as my surroundings grew more and more familiar. I soon stopped, dead, as if someone had pushed into me and frozen me to the spot. I turned my head to the right, my eyes landing on a door that I had walked in and out of every day for two years.

My legs shook as I approached it, my fingers curling tightly around the handle, my knuckles turning a milky shade of white. I twisted the handle, slowly pushing the door open. Fear filled me, although I had no idea what to expect. When I pushed my head through and examined the room, what faced me was definitely a surprise.

Axel sat on a chair, slumped over against a table that was littered in documents. I scanned my eyes around the room that used to be mine, confusion slowly eating away at me. I pushed the door open the rest of the way, taking slow steps into the room, careful to not wake Axel up.

I walked over to the table, running my fingers over the documents, my eyebrows furrowing and eyes squinting as I read over them.

**THE DEMON; ENTRY 1**

**_Dr. Franklin Streinz, Head of Demon Experimentation_ **

**We began our experiments today, on a 15 y/o male, under the name "Axel Lincoln Russell." Experiment's been referred to as the Demon. I advised the others to not leap into Gene Modification immediately, but in a 5:3 vote, my advice was ultimately denied. He was taken to Section GM26Z, far into the basement of the lab, where most of the risky experiments are done. Nothing has taken immediate effect, but he is still alive and well, so we're already off to a good start.**

**Experiments resume tomorrow. It's possible we'll do more than one thing at once, but I firmly believe it would be illogical to do so. He's fifteen, putting him under so much will stir up hormones and stress, which could impact the effects of the experiment. Nobody seem to want to listen to me, though. All I can hope is for the best.**

**Until Entry 2,  
**

**Franklin Streinz.**

I put the paper down, slowly blinking. I grabbed another one, biting my lip as I read it.

**PURPLE; ENTRY 365**

**_Dr. Franklin Streinz, Overseer of Experiment "Purple"_ **

**Been a year since Lukas Reed has been inducted into the lab. He stirs up quite a bit of trouble. Talk of genetic modification has been mentioned fairly often among my comrades. I've advised them against it, we don't need another case of the Demon gone Tempest, do we? They seem to be taking my words into consideration. I'm glad. Lukas is a strong-willed individual, it's unfortunate.**

**He and Qwerty get along well. Too well. I'm afraid Lukas will pull a stunt that will trigger Jay, and all the memories of the Tempest will come rushing back. Lukas and Axel are similar. It unsettles me, makes it difficult to do anything around the boy. He's too much like Axel. Too much like my son.**

**These entries aren't being sent to the Higher-Ups anymore, as I've reached a rank where that isn't necessary. I do them anyways, for myself. I need to keep this written down, keep it somewhere so I can look back on it. It often makes me uneasy, reading reports on how the Experiments change as time passes. I have to do this anyways, though. Maybe Axel will read through these one day, understand why I did the things I do.**

**That's enough for now. Lukas has been injected with a dose of LSD. We've attached him to things, monitoring his brainwaves and the hallucinations through screens. It's incredible how far our technology has come. It's the same level of dosage that was used on Devil, when we ordered him off to his first mission- which he failed.**

**Anyways, I'm signing off. There'll be more tomorrow, actual results of the experimentations that I'll have to write down.**

**Until Entry 366,  
**

**Franklin Streinz.**

My fingers shook as I finished reading the paper, my heart heavy in my chest and my mind whirling. I swallowed, finding it difficult to catch my breath in the room. Axel stirred slightly and I shot my hand forward, gathering all of the papers together before I could think about my actions. I tucked them under my arm, then walked away, shutting the door to the room without another thought.

I booked it down the hallway, tracing my steps back to where the room was. I wasn't concerned about the escape route now, I was more concerned about these entries, more concerned about finding answers to our problems. Besides, if we had answers, it'd probably be easier to form a plan to escape.

I threw open the door to our room, shutting it and slumping against the wall, struggling to catch my breath. John's head shot up and he was over to me in an instant, pulling me against him. "Hey, whoah, what happened?"

"I got.. answers," I huffed, trying to breathe. I pulled away from him, sitting on the floor and staring at the papers in my hands. There had to be hundreds.

"What the..?" John tilted his head, sitting down across from me. "Lukas, what are these? Where'd you get them?"

"My old room," I mumbled, throwing the stack down onto the floor in the middle of us. "Axel was in there, he was sleeping by this table, must've fallen asleep going over these. I took them, and ran."

"Why'd you go to your old room?"

"I was panicking in the hallways, freaking out because everything was so similar, I was so overwhelmed," I spoke quickly, struggling to form my thoughts into words, trying to get everything out at once. I broke into a cough, and John reached over, pulling me into his arms. I rested against him, taking deep breaths as he rubbed my back.

"Looks like we've got a lot of studying to do," He murmured, and I sighed, finally calming down.

"Yeah."

He surprised me by pulling me into a kiss, his lips soft against my own. I smiled as I kissed him back, feeling safe in his arms again. When we parted, he kissed my forehead, holding me tightly. "I'm proud of you, baby," He murmured, pressing more kisses against my skin. "You went out there and got this shit done."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I hummed, then reached forward, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "Let's just read these, alright?"

"Okay."

I grabbed a paper, and he did as well, the both of silent as we read. I scanned my eyes over the paper, my attention focused on it.

**THE DEMON; ENTRY 324**

**_Dr. Franklin Streinz, Head of Demon Experimentation_ **

**Mind control.**

**The demon has mind control.**

**Something backfired. Wrong genes crossed. Wrong chromosomes combined. I can't be sure. We can't find the error. Can't find a solution without figuring out what caused the problem.**

**I've never been more afraid of a 15 year-old in my life.**

**Any more slip-up's and this could be the end of us. We've yet to rid him of his free will. That's our next big thing. I'm confident we'll accomplish it.**

**I'm afraid of the consequences if we don't.**

**That's it for today.**

**I've got far too much to think about.**

**Until Entry 325,**

**Franklin Streinz.**

"His name is Franklin?" John asked, reading over the first paper I had read. I nodded,

"John?"

"What?"

"I think you might have mind control."

I handed him the paper, watching him as he read it. He tilted his head, putting the paper down when he finished. "I don't think so."

"Try it on me."

"Absolutely not."

"What? Why?"

"I don't want to fucking control your mind!"

"But I'm giving you consent?"

"Lukas, no. Maybe later, okay? Can we just read more of these? I'm confused and kind of really creeped out."

"Yeah, of course." I pressed a kiss against his cheek, then picked up another paper, getting back to reading.

 

•

 

Hours passed.

We finished all of the papers.

John was more afraid of himself than he had ever been, of the fact that he was a Tempest. I was confused, riddled in anxiety as I read over the papers, over and over again. There were things written about me that I had no recollection of.

We had our answers, but we still had to connect the dots.

My head shot up when I heard sirens go off.

John stirred beside me, wrapping his arms around me. "What the  _fuck_ was that!?"

"I don't know," I murmured, keeping my eyes locked on the door. The handle turned, and I tensed, feeling afraid as two bodies walked in.

Luke.

"Luke!" I felt relief as our eyes met, and then when my eyes landed on the familiar face beside him, I froze. John spoke his name before I could get another syllable out between my lips.

"Craig?"


	16. Chapter 16

**john**

 

Familiar, green eyes. A face that sported scars, more than they had the last time I had seen it. Unruly hair, damaged glasses. 

Craig.

His name slipped out of my mouth before I could really register what was happening.

I felt Lukas tense in my arms, and I kept my grasp tight around him, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Luke took a step forward, his eyes dodging between me and Lukas as he shifted in front of Craig, taking on a protective stance. "There's plenty to explain," He murmured, "but we have to go."

"Why is-" Lukas was cut off by Luke.

"Do you trust me, Lukas?"

"Well I thought I did," He muttered, "but Craig is standing right behind you."

I frowned, feeling uneasy and also threatened by Craig's presence. I met eyes with him, and he stared back for a few moments, before he glanced away, his eyes pooled with familiar regret.

"We don't have time for this, do you not hear the sirens!?" Luke threw his arms up, and I glanced at Lukas. His face was a mess of emotions, struggling to find the most dominant one. Eventually, his gaze tightened, and his eyes locked onto Craig.

"Why?" Was the only word that slipped out, quieter than anticipated, more fragile than expected. Nobody spoke, leaving the sirens to fill the emptiness. Luke shook his head after a fwe moments,

"Later. We need to get out of here. Now."

I stood up, pulling Lukas up with me. His hand slipped down and met mine, intertwining our fingers. I glanced at him, and our eyes met. His fire and ice eyes filled me with a sense of comfort, and I squeezed his hand before focusing my attention back onto Luke and Craig.

"This way." Luke spoke, his voice firm but gentle. He started walking off, and we followed him. I grew uneasy as we walked down the hallways, alarmed by the lack of white-coats.

"This is too easy," Lukas murmured, and I slowly nodded, a frown forming on my lips.

"Luke." Craig spoke, and I was surprised at how hoarse his voice was. "Where are they?"

"That.." He paused, poking his head around a corner, "..is a question I don't know the answer to."

We were silent, the tenseness in the air thick enough to cut with my own fucking claws. A single footstep sounded behind us, and we were all quick to turn. My eyes landed on the form of a white-coat, skidding to a stop once it saw us.

"Freeze!" They shouted, then held up a gun, aiming it at us. "Stay right there!"

A gunshot went off, making my ears ring. I watched the white-coat slump against the wall,  turning to see Craig with a gun in his hands and a cold look in his eyes. "We need to leave," He muttered, "now."

We were off again, running through the halls and skidding past white-coats. The sirens seemed to get louder as time passed, and the amount of white-coats we passed increased. We took turn after turn, cut corners and paused as white-coats raced by us. I was beginning to doubt that Luke knew where we were going.

"Luke, where the fuck are we going!?" I asked, my patience running thin. He shot me a look,

"We're getting out of here."

"How?"

"I've got the route, we're nearly out. Let's get going again."

We picked our pace up once more, the sounds of our running echoing against the white walls of the hallways. Soon, light flashed in front of me, and before I knew it, we were bursting through the doors, sprinting out of the building.

I spun around, my eyes widening as I spotted white-coats pouring out of it. And at the head of them all, a face that was grotesquely familiar.

Streinz.

He paused in front of them, holding a hand up. They stopped. Axel emerged from the midst of them, walking forward to stop beside the doctor. "Four of you,"  Streinz murmured, raking his eyes over us. "One, a former experiment." He gazed at Lukas. 

"One, a tool we simply needed." He looked at Luke. 

"One, an experiment who was ignorant of it." Streinz' eyes met mine, and I felt my blood run cold.

"And one, an instrument we used to ruin everything from the inside out." He focused on Craig. "Tell me, boys- what do you expect to happen this time? Do you really expect the four of you to walk away?"

"No," Luke muttered, his voice unwavering as he glared right back at Dr. Streinz. "Not just the four of us." He cracked his neck, and then held two fingers to his mouth, blowing. A whistle pierced through the morning air, and footsteps behind me had my head turning. 

As if they had emerged from a damn military unit, my friends walked out of the forest, arm-in-arm, guns in hands, dark looks in their eyes. I gazed at them in confusion, feeling Lukas nudge me. I glanced at him, frowning as he spoke. "What the fuck is going on?"

"I have no idea."

They walked towards us, falling in line smoothly. I glanced back at Streinz, who still looked unimpressed. "That's all?"

"Oh, that's not all," Luke smiled, slipping a pistol out of his pocket and then aiming it at Streinz, "but I wouldn't be a Devil if I didn't like a little bit of chaos, would I, Streinz?" He rested his finger on the trigger, a fierce look on his face. "Lucifer called," He huffed, "she wants her life back."

I tilted my head in confusion. What the fuck did that mean? 

He pulled the trigger, silence enveloping both sides as the bullet pierced the air. Silence, still, as Streinz was shoved to the side. More silence as the bullet penetrated through Axel's flesh.

"You fucking idiot," Luke spat, "that wasn't meant for you."

"You're not meant for Streinz," Lukas huffed, shoving Luke out of the way. "Put the gun down, Luke."

"Lukas, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" 

I felt a slight tap on my shoulder as the two broke into an argument. I turned to see Scotty, who gazed at me with a frown. "How likely do you think the possibility of a fight breaking out is?"

"I don't know, Scotty?"

"None of our guns have ammunition. We really just came to make us look scary. Police have been called already. SWAT team is on their way."

I gazed at him in confusion, then jumped when I heard shouting. I turned to see Streinz struggling with Lukas, while Luke and Craig were arguing themselves. The white-coats stayed put, and I could only assumed it was because they were ordered to. I clenched my fists, then ran over to help Lukas, not surprised when an arm grabbed me and pulled me back.

"Get the  _fuck_ off of me," I spat, glaring at Axel. He bared his fangs at me, eyes turning black as they met mine.

"Now tell me, Johnny, why would I want to do that?" He grinned, and I bit my lip, shaking my head.

"God, if I wasn't a halfway decent person, I'd fucking murder you, right here and right now," I hissed, unsheathing my claws and slicing his wrist. He immediately pulled away, hissing in pain. 

"You should control your fucking temper," Axel muttered, and I lifted my fist, glaring at him.

"I have my claws out. Right here. See them? That's your blood they're coated in, by the way. Now, if I punch you and finally shut your ass the fuck up, that'd probably hurt, wouldn't it?"

"Do it then, bitch."

"Shit, okay."

I swung my fist at him, growling when he caught it with his hand, digging his claws into my wrist. I twisted my body slightly, digging my foot into the ground to hold my position as I swung my other arm into his stomach. He hissed, leaning down and sinking his teeth into my arm. I grimaced, biting down on my lip to prevent myself from making a noise of pain.

I quickly leaned my free arm up, wrapping my fingers around his neck and squeezing tightly. He bit down harder, blood spewing from my arm at this point. "You've already lost this fight, Axel," I hissed, "why even fucking bother?"

He pulled off of me, spitting onto the grass before meeting my eyes. "I don't know." I frowned, my grip loosening the longer I gazed at him. He seemed broken, blindly following Streinz at all times. Axel didn't even have a complete grasp on what he was. He was doing what he had to do.

He was more human than even I was.

A cold, metal feeling, paired with an indescribable amount of pain, was what I felt when I let my grip go slack. 

I slumped down to my knees, groaning in pain, my fingers curling into fists.

"You're too caring for your own good, John," Axel spoke, gazing down at me, his hands covered in blood. "No monster is supposed to be that way."

My vision got hazy as I stared at him, barely aware of the helicopters in the sky, of the people that had suddenly swarmed the scene. He sighed, "I didn't want it to end this way. I really didn't. But we didn't want the Tempest to spread, you see. I didn't have a choice, John. It had to end this way." His voice got loud, angry as tears streamed down his cheeks. "It has to! It has to! You have to die! Die! DIE!"

I chuckled, gazing down at the handle that protruded from my abdomen, poking at it slightly. "I don't think you stabbed me in the right spot." I fell on my side, too weak to support myself on my knees. I grunted, shifting onto my back, shaking.

"NO! YOU HAVE TO DIE! I DID IT RIGHT! I DID WHAT HE ASKED ME TO DO!" Axel screamed, his fists clenching and unclenching as he stared at me. "I did it right. I did it right, I promise, I did it right. He'll thank me. When this is all over, he'll be so proud."

He got quiet, and our eyes met. His green eyes widened as mine grew heavy. It was hard to keep them open. "John? John? John, John, John? John, don't close your eyes, oh my God. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You can't die. Oh my God."

I watched as he was pulled away by a man in black, who didn't even glance at me. A small figure in the distance grew bigger as it ran at me, and eventually, I realized it was Lukas. He fell beside me, running his fingers down my face, eyes wide and glazed in fear. "John, John, baby, what happened? You're fine, you're going to be okay, okay? I promise, you're alright. It's fine, you're fine, you're fine, right? Of course you're fine, you're John Kryoz, what am I talking about?"

He pulled me to his chest, hugging my body tightly as he held me, wrapping his arms around me. "You're fine," He whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I know you're alright. We're going to get you help. Okay? I- I told Scotty, told them to tell someone that you were hurt. You're fine, Phoenix, you're fine, okay? Okay? I love you. I love you so much, baby. You're going to be fine."

"Lukas," I whimpered, curling my fingers around his shirt, "Lukas, stop, please."

"Stop? Stop what? I'm not stopping. You're fine. You're  _fine,_ John." He shook, and I looked up to see tears streaming down his face, his gorgeous eyes laden by fear. "I swear it. I swear, you're fine, okay? You're going to be alright. They're all gone, Johnny, all of them. The white-coats, they're being taken away. We did it, John," He whispered, voice cracking as he sobbed, his fingers running through my hair. "We did it."

"You did it," I whispered, struggling to keep my eyes open as I listened to his steady heartbeat, felt his comforting warmth, smelled his scent of cherries and blue raspberry jolly ranchers. "I'm  so proud of you."

"No, John,  _we_ did it," Lukas sobbed, pressing another kiss against my skin. "We did it, baby, together. It's over, it's finally over. Can I  _please_ get some help!?" He turned his head away from me to yell- at who, I wasn't sure.

"Lukas, look at me," I murmured, reaching my hand up to pull his face towards me. Our eyes met, and I smiled as I gazed into them, pulling him down to meet our lips. He kissed me softly, his lips gentle against my own. When we parted, I grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers. "I'm so glad.. I'm  _so_ glad you stayed with me to the end, Buttercup."

His eyes widened and he shook his head, sobs escaping from him as he held me. "This isn't the end, John. Don't you dare fucking act like it is. You're not going to die. You're fine. Help is on it's way."

"You never stopped being so beautiful," I whispered, eyes locking onto his white, fluffy hair. "Never."

"Stop it. Stop it right now," Lukas sobbed, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. "This isn't the end. Stop saying your goodbyes."

I smiled, gazing into his pretty, red and blue orbs. "Hey, pretty," I murmured, my smile growing as I gazed at him, tears of my own slipping out of my eyes. "I mean Smitty."

His sobs grew louder at that, his grip on me tightening. "John, John please, stop it. I can't lose you, I can't fucking lose you. Please, baby, please hold on. I love you. I love you, Phoenix. We're going to go Paris, okay? We're going to stargaze in Paris, baby, you and I, we're going to do it all. We've got everything in front of us, Phoenix, please, please hold on for me. I love you, I love you, I love you.."

"I love you too, Buttercup," I whispered, watching as people approached behind us. I shifted, burying my head into his chest as my eyes fell shut. "I'll never stop loving you, Buttercup..."

I smiled, pressing a kiss against his shirt, a weak attempt to display my love in the pain-ridden state I was in.

"...I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

**lukas**

 

I thought he had died in my arms.

It took a minute to realize he had only fallen unconscious.

I can't get the look on his face out of my head.

"Lukas?" I picked my head up, seeing Luke walk into the room with Craig by his side. I frowned, uneasy now that they had disrupted the silence that had settled in the waiting room. "Any word on John?"

"Nothing," I said. "Not a damn thing."

"..Lukas, I've gotta talk to you, man." Craig's voice reached my ears, and I bit my lip, glancing over at him. "Please."

"Talk, then," I murmured, my voice coming out colder than I had intended it to. He sighed, and sat in the seat across from me, running his fingers through his hair.

"You know how, uh, with Luke, they.. they drugged him?" Craig started, a frown on his lips as he spoke. I nodded,

"Yeah?"

"..That's what they did to me." His words were soft, and when he lifted his gaze, our eyes met. I stared into them, into the eyes of a man who had comforted me, who had been there for me, who had been one of my best friends.

When I stared at him on the day he lashed out, I couldn't recognize his eyes.

But these belonged to the Craig I knew.

"They drugged me, over, and over," He muttered, clenching his fists. "Axel, actually. He was.. he was the one who was responsible for giving me another dosage. It took.. a long time to get it to work, but eventually, I was able to mimic how I acted on the drug, without being drugged. They lessened the dosages, until they stopped them completely, thinking I was finally fully under their control."

He sighed, shifting slightly, and Luke walked over to sit beside him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "It took another month to execute my escape. I pulled it off fairly well, and then booked it back to the city. It was an absolute coincidence that I ran into Luke on the road. I told him what happened, and he believed me."

"I used most of the money from the pizza place to buy him an apartment down the street from us," Luke murmured, and I slowly blinked, nodding my head. "I.. Lukas, I would've told you if I could, man. You've- you've gotta understand, Lu-"

"I'm not mad," I chuckled, resting my hands on my knees. "I would've done the same thing in your place, Luke. It's uh, it's nice to finally figure out who your boyfriend is, though."

"Wait, wh- what?" Craig's eyes widened and Luke sighed.

"I told you this would happen, Craig. He knows me too well."

"Can I ask how you managed to get me and John out of the lab?" 

"Told the boys what happened. Craig remembered how to get out. I memorized the route. Scotty managed to figure out the coordinates of the lab, so we drove to it, called the police, and then Craig and I ran in. Then we got you, and.. well, you know what happened after that."

I slowly nodded my head, running my tongue along my teeth as I processed the information I was being given. After a while, I looked at Craig. "I.." I sighed, "..look. I want to.. to pretend like nothing ever happened," I muttered, trying to word my thoughts. "But the fact is that it did happen. It's  _not_ going to be easy to trust you again, Craig. It took awhile for me to trust Luke completely again. But I believe you. I really do. And I forgive you."

The look of relief on his face made me smile a little, and I stood up, walking over to him. He stood, and I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. He hugged me back, his grip on me gentle. "Thank you, Lukas."

"I missed you, man," I chuckled, rubbing his back lightly. "John missed you even more, though."

"Speaking of John," He murmured, pulling away from me, "Luke says you two took a break?"

"Yeah. Things were really rough for a while," I murmured, glancing down at the floor. "It was hard, being thrust back into a relationship after so long of not seeing each other. And there were just so many things happening.. neither of us handled it very well, so after a while we just cut it off. I mean, until about a month or two ago. We're dating again, and I.." I sighed, glancing up at him again. "I'm going to marry that man some day."

He chuckled, ruffling my hair. "There's the Lukas I know."

"I'm so worried about him," I murmured, sitting down again. "He.. he fucking died, once. What if.. what if it happens again.. but he doesn't come back this time?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Luke said, his voice taking on a tone it rarely took on. "Luka, look at me."

I glanced over at him, frowning.

"John's not going to give up."

I blinked, then smiled, gazing down at my ring as a bittersweet feeling wrapped itself over my body. "Yeah, I know."

"Uh.. are any of you here for John Kryoz?" A voice spoke, and I looked up to see a doctor. The three of us stood, and he frowned. "Could I speak with just one of you?"

Luke and Craig sat down, and I walked over to him, frowning. "So, John's condition. He's well," He spoke, and I let out a sigh, relief flooding over me. "He's awake right now, asked to see his boyfriend."

"That'd be me."

"Okay. His room is 303, walk down that hallway and make a left, it should be a couple doors down." He spoke. "I'll inform your friends of what's happening, but right now it's better to just have one person in the room."

"Thank you," I murmured, and he smiled, nodding as he walked off and over to Luke and Craig. I quickly made my way down the hallways, taking the turns necessary and then scanning for room 303.

It took a while, but I eventually found it. I opened the door, peeking in and sighing when I saw John. He was awake, eyes wide open as he gazed at the ceiling, a frown splayed on his lips. I shut the door quietly, leaning against the wall as I gazed at him. "Hey, Phoenix."

His head turned immediately, and he glanced at me, smiling. "Hi, Buttercup."

I walked over to his bed, and he slowly pushed himself up until he was sitting. I sat down beside him, immediately pulling him into a hug. He hugged me back, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I kissed the top of his head, sighing as I took in his familiar embrace. "We did it, John," I murmured, pulling away to gaze down at him. I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, smiling at the brightness in his eyes. "It's over."

John smiled back, picking my hands up and intertwining our fingers. "I'm proud," He murmured, eyes focusing on our hands. "I'm proud of us."

"Me too, baby," I said, smiling as I grew overcome with emotion. I pulled one of my hands away from his to caress the side of his face, tracing his cheek with my thumb as I tilted his head up a little. "We've come so far, beautiful."

"We have, haven't we?" He chuckled, and leaned in, connecting our lips. I couldn't help but smile into it, cupping his face with my other hand as I poured emotion into this simple meeting of our lips. He ran his fingers through my hair, and after a bit, we parted. "Lukas, love?"

"Yeah, John?" I asked, running my fingers over his arm.

"Do you think we could bribe anyone to check me out?"

I frowned, gazing at him. "Babe, you're not in a good shape yet.."

"Look," He huffed, intertwining our fingers, "we just defeated the white-coats. I feel we should celebrate."

"Oh, yeah? What do you have in mind?"

"Well," He grinned, "we  _did_ say we wanted tattoos.."

I bit my lip, shaking my head as I chuckled. "Love, there's no way we could bribe anyone into checking us out."

"That's where the perks of being a Tempest come in," John said. "Didn't we read all about mind control?"

"John, you're kidding me." I gaped at him, and he shrugged.

"Look, we're not doing it for anything bad, and if it doesn't work, then we know I don't have it!" He tilted his head a little as he looked at me. "Remember in eleventh grade, when Mr. Fuckface made us go do tests outside all the time?"

"Oh my God, I forgot he existed."

"Lukas!"

"I'm sorry! But uh, yeah.. I remember."

"Let's just pretend we're doing that, yeah?"

I stared at him, frowning at the hopeful look on his face. "Babe.."

"Please?" He frowned, lips jutting out in a little pout, and I groaned, covering my face with my hands.

"Fine."

"Yes!" He cheered, and I smiled as I felt him kiss the top of my head. I dropped my hands, giggling when he immediately leaned forward, kissing all over my face.

"John, quit it," I huffed, although I really didn't mean it. He shook his head, pressing a very over-dramatic, very long, fairly sloppy kiss to my cheek. 

"God, why would I ever want to stop kissing the cutest boy on this planet?" John grinned as he pulled away, and I felt my face heat up, shaking my head at him. "The cutest boy who's mine," He smiled, pressing a gentler kiss to my nose, "and will always be mine."

"Mm, that's right," I smiled, pulling him in and kissing him softly. He kissed me back, resting against me after we parted. "Babe, by the way, why would you have to use mind control anyways? They can't stop you from leaving the hospital, technically."

"Government shit," He mumbled. "They knew I was in a building with a bunch of experiments so by law I guess I'm not allowed to leave until they say I can. But with the power of mind control, we needn't worry about that. I really don't want to do it, but I can't stand it in here. I can't stop thinking about.." He trailed off.

"I know," I sighed, kissing his forehead. "I'm sorry."

"It's whatever," He murmured, glancing up at me again. "I'll be fine."

"I know you will," I smiled, "you're the strongest boy I know. Alright, c'mon, let's get out of here. Or try to."

 

•

 

"It doesn't hurt that bad," John murmured, gazing down at his wrist, where a small buttercup was being tattooed onto it. I frowned, glancing at my own wrist, where a phoenix rested.

"You don't have to brag about having a better pain tolerance than me," I huffed, rolling my eyes.

"Not my fault you're such a weak bitch," He said, and I glared at him, blinking as the tattooist chuckled at our banter.

"Yeah, whatever, you freaking nerd." 

"Lame insult," He spoke, and I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I just didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"As  _if_ you could hurt my feelings," He said, looking over at me. "Nothing you can say could hurt me."

"What if I said... uh..." I trailed off, scrambling for something to say. After a few moments I gave up, sighing as I dropped my hands against my sides again. He grinned, winking at me. I felt the breath knock out of me, still so easily flustered by his fucking wink. Christ, the first time he winked at me..

"Can't come up with anything? Cute."  John giggled, and I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair.

"Shut up, dummy." 

"Make me," He muttered, and I grinned, leaning over to press a passionate kiss to his lips. He kissed me back, and I pulled away shortly after, smiling at his pink face. 

"Like that?"

"Yeah.. like that," He mumbled, a little dazed from the kiss. I laughed, running my fingers through my hair. 

The tattooist pulled away, and chuckled. "Alright, we're all done here." He finished up with John's tattoo, wrapping it and doing all the shit I didn't understand. When he was done, we paid, and left.

The evening air was gentle, a little chilly as the colder months approached. "Where we headed?" John asked, and I shrugged, grabbing his hand. His left hand's fingers intertwined with my right ones, and our tattoos lined up perfectly. I grinned,

"Baby, we just became  _that_ couple."

"Except we're even better, because we didn't fucking tattoo each other's names onto us," He laughed, and I nodded, swinging our hands a little. 

"As much as I love you, Johnny, I'm never, ever going to fucking tattoo your name on my body," I murmured, then tilted my head. "Wait, maybe when we're like, eighty and shit, I'll do it. Cause at that point, there's nothing left to do."

"Ditto, baby. So we've reached the agreement that when we're eighty, we're getting each other's names tattooed on us?"

"Yes. Can you even tattoo on old people? Like, genuinely." I frowned, staring at our feet as we walked. "Would it work? With their wrinkles, and shit?"

John giggled, glancing at me. "Lukas, babe, what?"

"I mean, wouldn't it be hard to tattoo on their skin? It's like, old and fragile." He laughed harder, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I blushed, "Stop laughing at me! Fucksake, I genuinely don't know!"

"God, you're such an idiot," He snorted, "but it's cute."

"So they can?"

"Lukas!"

"I'm sorry, I don't fucking know!"

He kept laughing at me as we walked, and although I pretended to be upset, we both knew I really wasn't. I loved the way he couldn't stop giggling, managing to be quiet for about a second before he looked at me and laughed again. I 'pouted', but stared at John as he laughed, unable to stop myself from smiling. He was so fucking gorgeous.

Eventually, we came to a stop, my eyes widening when we realized where we were.

The high school.

"Whoah, I haven't seen this place in years," John murmured, and I slowly nodded, staring at the building. 

"It looks just the same as I last saw it," I said, gazing at the front doors as we walked onto the campus. "You think we can go in?"

"People went in all the time late at night when we were attending," He spoke, swinging our hands. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"Let's see if we can," I said, and he nodded. We walked towards the front entrance, and I tried opening the door, blinking in surprise when it swung open. I pulled it open the rest of the way, and we walked in, looking around.

"Can I help you?" A voice from the office, and I turned my head, looking at the worker behind the desk. I blinked, tilting my head, and she frowned. "Hey, you two look familiar."

"We used to go to the school," John murmured, and I nodded. "We were just looking around."

"..Are you- are you two John and Smitty?"

"Uh," I frowned, "yeah, why do you remember that?"

"Talk of the school, countless times," She smiled, running her fingers through her hair. "We don't forget kids like you. Nobody does, you know? Hate to say it, but there's still talk of why you went missing so long ago, Smitty. Kids, they theorize, start rumors, freak the.. well, freak the shit out of each other. You know how it is."

I shrugged, glancing at John, who raised an eyebrow at me. "It's whatever," I chuckled. "Cool to have a legacy." I paused for a moment, then glanced back at the lady, resting my hands against the counter. "You didn't ever find out about Mr. Fuckface, did you?"

"Oh, no, everyone knew." 

"Fuck." I sighed, then blinked. "Does he.. still teach here?"

"Yeah, he usually leaves late. Getting pretty old, now a days. Everyone adores him. He's a wonderful teacher, he really is."

"Same room?" John asked, leaning forward a little. The lady nodded,

"Same room."

"Can we go see him?" I asked, biting my lip as I gazed at her, waiting for a reply in anticipation.

"I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Without another word, I grabbed John's hand, and we ran out of the office, booking it up the stairs. We ran quickly, making it up the stairs faster than I think we ever had before. No, definitely faster than we ever had before.

We stopped in front of his room, where the door was closed. I paused, trying to catch my breath. "Think he'll hate us?"

"No idea," John chuckled, "but hopefully not. I mean, he was an ass, but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have been able to fall in love with you."

"Funny, our story began right here, didn't it?" I hummed, and he smiled, kissing my forehead.

"Yeah, it did."

"Wonder where it'll end?" I asked, and he shrugged, frowning a little.

"Would rather not think about that, but hey, who knows? Maybe in Paris," He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes, pulling him into a kiss. The door swung open at the same time, and we quickly parted, both of us wide-eyed and blushing. 

Mr. F. stood before us, his eyebrows raising. "Sorry to interrupt," He chuckled, and then tilted his head. "Wait a- wait a God damn minute, are you two the little shits that-"

"Mr. Fuckface?" I asked, mustering a small smile, watching as he focused his gaze on me.

"Lukas Reed," He nodded, then frowned. "Er, wait. Smitty."

"You can call me Lukas, sir," I chuckled, straightening a little. "If you'd like."

"Ah, and what purpose would that serve?" He smiled, shaking his head. "Come in, come in, I assume you're here for a reason." Without waiting for a reply, he turned around and headed back into the room. I met eyes with John, and he smiled, shaking his head and whispering to me as we walked in.

"He's changed."

"You can say that again," I murmured, shutting the door gently. We walked into the room, finding Mr. F at his desk, staring down at the papers that littered it.

"My name is Mr. Fresco, by the way," He chuckled, lifting his head up and looking over at us behind his spectacles. "Not very close to Mr. Fuckface, in my opinion."

"Sorry.. about that," I murmured, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. He laughed, shaking his head.

"It's quite alright, young man," Mr. Fresco smiled, sitting down in his chair. "And John Kryoz, the boy who never turned in his homework and rooted for the boy who ruined my surname, it's nice to see you again. It's nice to see both of you again."

"It's nice to see you too, sir," John said, running his thumb over the top of my hand gently. Mr. F. shifted in his seat, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it.

"I'm not supposed to smoke in here," He said, chuckling. "But I'm retiring this year, so to hell with it, I guess."

"You know, Mr. F., smoking isn't really good for you," I said, and John snorted, glancing at me.

"'Cause what you do is better?"

"Fuck off, John."

"Mhm, okay."

Mr. Fresco laughed, pushing his glasses up his nose as he looked at us. "The day I saw Smitty staring at you, John, my boy, I knew you two had something special. And I'm not talking about any of that romantic jazz, fellas- although that's obviously there, too. No, I mean something.. something scientific, some sub-atomic connection that was there. And by God, do I wish I know what it was. It doesn't seem to have vanquished, though. It's stronger than ever, I feel."

John and I shared a long look, before I glanced at Mr. F. again. "..What?"

"Ah, don't mind me," He shrugged, sighing. "I'm going crazy in my old age, I fear. Could I ask what brought you two here?"

"It just.. sort of happened," I murmured, glancing over at John. "Like everything in our lives."

"Sometimes the things that happen accidentally are the best things, though," He said, smiling as he gazed back at me. "Just like us, huh?"

"You're tellin' me you didn't snatch my heart on purpose?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He laughed,

"Well, okay, maybe it wasn't completely an accident."

I smiled, then looked over at Mr. F. again. "Hey, uh, I want to apologize for being a shithead when I was in your class back then. If it weren't for your classes, I really might not have been able to actually meet John, so we sort of owe everything to you."

He smiled, flicking his cigarette as he gazed at us. "You owe me nothing, gentlemen. The universe works in weird ways. I owe the last few years of my teaching to you. Your half-assed actions made me realize I could better myself," He chuckled, "and I did."

"I'm glad we managed to help you somehow," John said, smiling. "Not sure how, but hey, we'll take what we can get."

"You two boys.." Mr. F  chuckled, "..you're something special. You're here for a reason, the two of you. Don't forget that."

"We won't, Mr. Fresco. Anyways, sir, it uh, it was nice to see you again, it really was. We should probably get going, though, it's getting late." I murmured, and he nodded, smiling.

"Of course. Take care, boys."

"You too, Mr. F. I hope this last year goes well for you." John said, smiling at him as we walked to the door. I nodded in agreement, waving at him.

"Goodbye!" 

"Buh bye, lovebirds."

We shut the door quietly, then walked down the hallways, intertwining our fingers again. "That was somethin, huh?" John asked, chuckling.

"Yeah, definitely," I smiled. "Nice seeing him again. He's definitely changed. A lot weirder. In a good way, though."

"Mhm," He said, kissing my head as we walked down the stairs. "We've come so far, Lukas, you know?"

"I know," I sighed, swinging our hands. "Hold on, babe, what time is it? We've gotta be at the hospital to check you back in by ten."

"It's only seven, relax," He chuckled.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I just don't want us to be out too long and for something to go wrong and-"

"Relax."

I sighed, waving goodbye to the lady behind the counter as we left the building. We took our time making our way down the steps, and walked around the campus for a bit, our breaths visible in the air. 

"I love you so much," I murmured, gazing down at our feet once more as we walked, "and I still can't understand why you love me at all."

John paused, and I stopped with him. He picked my head up with his hand, shaking his head as he gazed down at me. "All this time, and you're still so lost?"

"Not as much as before," I murmured, absentmindedly running my fingers over his other hand, sighing. "But I still don't understand. Why.. why me?" I wasn't upset, wasn't hurt, or anything. I was just confused. How could a man so magnificent possibly care about someone like me?

"Why would it be anyone else, Lukas?" He asked, caressing my face gently with his fingers. "Why would it possibly be anyone else?"

"Because you deserve so much," I sighed, walking away from him to sit on a bench. He sat besides me, resting his arm on the top of the bench and propping his face up with his knuckles. "You deserve the best, and I can't offer that."

"I can't either," He murmured, and I blinked, looking over at him. "Nobody can, L."

"But you can do better than me," I sighed, and he chuckled, pulling me against him.

"Does it look like I want to? You can do plenty better than me, you know."

"..But I don't want anyone that's not you," I blinked, and then smiled, turning my head to look at him. He chuckled, kissing my nose.

"Siri," He murmured, pulling out his phone, "define love."

_"As a noun, it means: an intense feeling of deep affection."_

"Hmm," John shrugged, glancing at me. "Weird, that's how I feel about you. Guess I love you, Lukas. Who ever would have thought?"

I rolled my eyes, smiling at him.  "Wanna know what's even weirder, John?"

"I'm listening?"

"I think I feel the same way about you," I murmured, and he grinned, his eyes meeting mine.

"Now  _that's_ weird," He said, before our lips met. I kissed him softly, smiling into it. When we parted, I sighed, resting my head against his shoulder and looking up at the sky. 

"Paris, John," I murmured, grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers, then holding them up to the sky. "Someday, I swear."

"That's the dream, baby," John smiled, looking over at me. "But even if we don't go to Paris, love, I'm fine right here. As long as you're with me, I really don't give a shit."

"That reminds me," I murmured, meeting eyes with him, "I have to ask you something. It's.. really important."

"Shoot."

"So uh, you know.. Craig and Luke are uh, dating now."

"Figured."

"Luke's moving in with Craig. That was the text I got when you were just getting the tattoo, by the way."

"Oh. Yeah, okay?"

"So, uh.." I trailed off, biting my lower lip as I glanced away from him. "I was, I was wondering.."

"You were wondering...?"

"..Do you wanna move in with me?" I looked over at him again, chewing on my lower lip nervously. He blinked, staring at me before a wide grin broke out on his face.

"Of course I want to fucking move in with you," He murmured, and I grinned, letting out a breath of relief. He pulled me into a kiss, and I kissed him back, feeling the same spark I felt the very first time our lips met.

When we parted, I sighed, giggling at John, who was gazing at me with a small smile. "I'm so fucking in love with you, Lukas Reed," He sighed, and I smiled.

"I'm in love with  _you_ , John Kryoz," I murmured, leaning up and tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "Every damn thing about you."

He smiled, pulling me against him and wrapping his arms around me tightly. I snuggled against him, feeling absolutely cozy despite the chilly air around us. "I remember so many nights, when you were at the lab for those two years," He spoke, his voice quiet, "where I just fucking cried. I cried, and cried, and cried. I was so afraid I'd never see you again, Lukas," He whispered. "I was so afraid."

I turned to look at him, frowning when I saw how glossy his eyes had gotten. "And now," He sniffled, smiling, "now you're in my arms again. Now you're in my life again, now you're my boyfriend again, now I get to kiss you and hold you and hug you and love you again. I'm never, ever, ever going to take you for fucking granted ever again, you hear me?" He leaned over, pressing his lips to my forehead, leaving them there for a while. "Never again, Buttercup."

I gazed at the boy beside me, whose eyes were glossy with tears. Whose hair was bleached, and whose face sported a mole. Whose lips were pretty pink, and who smelled of vanilla and oranges. Whose hands were gentle and delicate, whose body provided a sense of security. Whose arms I knew I could always fall in, and whose giggle could brighten my day in seconds. Whose smile made my heart pound, and whose wink made me blush like a mad man.

The boy I had fallen in love with.

And the boy I would never leave again.

I leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine in a passionate kiss. He kissed me back, our tongues dancing as fire crackled in our hearts. I ran my fingers through his hair, and he rested his around my back, running up and down it gently. Eventually, we parted, and I hovered my face above his, gazing into his gorgeous blue eyes.

"Before I met you, I knew you were a popular kid," I said, my voice gentle. "I thought you wouldn't like me, considering barely anyone knew my name. I was wrong."  I chuckled, tracing my fingers down his jawline. "You know I hate it when I'm wrong.. but God, I've never been happier to be wrong in my entire fucking life."

John reached his hand up and pressed it against my cheek, running his thumb over my cheekbone. "I feel like this is the beginning of something new," He murmured, his breath visible as words escaped from between his lips. "Something incredible. Something we never thought we'd have, you know?"

"Well, we ended the white-coats, didn't we?" I chuckled. "That story's over, right? Well, maybe it isn't, but regardless.. we're finally flipping to a new page, John," I hummed. "It's a blank piece of paper. It's our story. It's up to us, John."

"How about we make it a best seller, then, Lukas?" He chuckled, his eyes meeting mine, and I smiled.

"Sounds like a plan."

Our lips met again, and as we kissed, I couldn't help but smile.

A new beginning.

The future we deserved.

The future we'd finally have.

A single buttercup, and his phoenix.

What a story we could tell.

We separated once more, and I sighed.

"I love you, Phoenix. And I swear on my life, I am  _never_ going to stop loving you."

"I believe you, Buttercup. I love you too."

Baby was the first thing I called John.

Until I realized he was, and deserved, more than that.

That wasn't nearly enough.

Truly, John Kryoz was a man beyond words.

Entirely unfathomable.

Really, I could still hardly believe I had ended up with him.

Couldn't say I was unhappy, though.

Unhappy was something John could never make me. No, of course he couldn't. There's so much to say about him. How do you describe the boy who changed your life? Who made it worth living again? You can't. But I know what to say to him.

Phoenix, I love you.


	18. Chapter 18

**john**

 

_ten months later_

 

"John. John, get up, babe." I heard Lukas' voice as he nudged me gently, and I whined, shifting in the bed. "Baby, you said you wanted to see the sunrise, it's your own fault."

"But the bed is comfy," I replied, not bothering to open my eyes just yet. He chuckled, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I opened my eyes at that, smiling when I saw his white, blue, and red locks spilling over onto his forehead. He hadn't cut it yet this month, which left it longer than normal, but it was nice. There's more there to run my fingers through.

"Come  _on,_ Phoenix," He mumbled, his contradictory eyes meeting mine, "I want to take photos of you with the sunrise."

"God, even worse," I chuckled, rubbing my eyes. "I look like a mess."

"You look cute," He said, shifting as he grabbed my hand, running his thumb over my fingers. "'Course, you always look cute, but your messy hair never fails to make my heart beat a little bit faster than normal."

"Mm, your morning voice does that to me," I chuckled, pulling my hand off of my face to glance at him, "and I appreciate how deep it is right now."

"See, was waking up so early such a bad idea, then?" Lukas smiled, and I rolled my eyes, sitting up and resting my hand on his face. I ran my thumb over his cheekbone, before I pulled him towards me, connecting our lips in a soft, short kiss.

"You might want to put a shirt on," He mumbled when we parted, "it's a little chilly outside."

"You mean you don't want to take photos of me in all my glory?" I cocked an eyebrow, raising my arms above my head as I stretched, yawning a little. He chuckled, running his tongue over his lower lip as his eyes lowered and focused on my abdomen,

"I'd rather enjoy the view up and in person."

I felt my face heat up, swatting his shoulder lightly. "Can I just borrow one of your hoodies? They smell like you," I mumbled, and he nodded.

"This hotel is really nice," Lukas said as he made his way to the walk-in closet, where we had literally just thrown our shit into it and not bothered to put anything away. "How'd we manage to book it, again?"

"It's way cheaper than it looks," I chuckled, and he smiled as he turned, tossing one of his hoodies at me. I caught it, smiling when I realized it was the one I had bought him a few months ago, as a gift for finally hitting a million subscribers. "This is one of my favorite hoodies," I laughed as I slipped it onto me.

"Wonder why," He giggled, and I yawned again, whining as the hood got stuck. "Ow, babe.."

"How did..?" I heard Lukas laugh as he walked over, and I huffed. 

"I can't get it over."

"Is it really too small?"

"No, I just put it on wrong."

"Fucking idiot," He laughed harder, and I groaned, covering my face with my hands.

"Stop laughing at me!"

I felt Lukas' hands around the hoodie, and he pulled down gently, eventually managing to help me get my head through the hood. He gazed down at me with a smile, and I blushed, crossing my arms over my chest. "Stop mentally judging me, too."

"I'm not judging you," He chuckled, reaching a hand up and running his fingers through my hair, playing with it a bit. "Just admiring how fucking attractive you are. Such a cutie," He smiled, leaning down and kissing my forehead.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes, grabbing his face with both hands when he pulled away and pulling him into another kiss. He kissed me back, nipping on my lower lip gently before he pulled away. I gazed at him through unimpressed, low lids as butterflies buzzed in my belly. He laughed,

"Don't like the teasing?"

"Not particularly," I replied, reaching my hand out and smiling as he took it. He intertwined our fingers, and I lifted his hand to my face, kissing his little phoenix tattoo.

"Mm, boo hoo," Lukas said, swinging our hands as we opened the slider door and stepped onto the balcony. My eyes landed on the sky, where streaks of orange and pink and purple coated it, long strokes of color against the otherwise dark sky. I smiled, sitting down and resting my elbows on the fencing. 

"It's so pretty," I hummed, feeling a gentle wave of tranquility wash over me as Lukas sat beside me. 

"Not as pretty as you," He replied, and my smile grew as I glanced over at him.

"You're such a fuckin' cliche," I laughed, leaning over to kiss his forehead.

"Says the boy who wanted to go to Paris," He murmured, rolling his eyes despite his smile.

"Well, we're here now, aren't we?" I chuckled, glancing over at the Eiffel Tower, whose peak in the distance was visible against the rising sun. "Y'know how it be, baby. Just chillin, in the middle of Paris, with the love of my life at my side."

"I'm fuckin' tweeting that," Lukas giggled, and I frowned, glancing over at him.

"At least  _credit_ me, babe," I huffed, and he smiled, picking his phone up and tilting it at me. I blinked, "Wait, are you taking a photo?"

"Yep."

"I look like shit!" I threw my arms up, and he lowered his phone for a second, gazing at me with a look that told me he wasn't impressed with my bullshit.

"If you look like shit, I must look like the Ninja Turtles but on steroids," He said, and I blinked, furrowing my eyebrows at him.

"Babe, that.. what?"

"Ninja Turtles aren't hot. They'd be even less hot on steroids, y'know?" He stared at me as if this was common sense, and I couldn't help but laugh. 

"You're so fucking weird," I chuckled, and he smiled, lifting his phone up again. I rolled my eyes, glancing at the sunset once more. "But I like weird."

"Good," Lukas hummed, leaning over and kissing my cheek. "So do I."

I rested my hand against my face as I looked at him, admiring how the rising sun created an orange mask over it. "Christ," I muttered, slipping my phone out, "if you get to take photos of the view, so do I."

"The sunset isn't even behind me, though," He chuckled, giving me a look. I smiled, shaking my head as I took a photo of him.

"That's not the view I'm talking about," I spoke, grinning as his face grew pink. He leaned forward and connected our lips, in a short, gentle kiss. When we parted, I rested my head against his shoulder, sighing as he wrapped an arm around me. "What are our plans today, love?"

"Well, we've still got about a week in Paris, so I was thinking maybe we could do a lazy day? I'm still tuckered out from yesterday," He said, resting his head against mine. I hummed, glancing up at him as he spoke. "And then at night, I want to go stargazing. Heard there's supposed to be a meteor shower."

"Wasn't there a meteor shower the night we first met?" I asked, grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers. He nodded, chuckling a little.

"Yeah, there was. How cliche, huh?"

"Very cliche," I smiled, relaxing as he lifted our hands to his face, pressing a kiss to my buttercup tattoo. "It's nice being able to just, take it easy for once. I mean, I'm still really worried about YouTube, because there'll be a lot of catching up to do, and shit.."

"Worry about that when we get back, Johnny," He said, shifting a little to look at me. "We deserve a break, don't you think?"

"Yeah, no, I think so, too," I chuckled, glancing at his hand, where his promise ring twinkled with the glare of the rising sun. "I just can't help but worry, y'know?"

"Neither can I," He said, running his free hand down my back. "But our fans have been really supportive, at least. I.. we should probably come out to them, shouldn't we?"

I sighed, shifting and snuggling closer to him. "Probably."

"Could we do it.. today?" 

"I mean, if you want to," I said, glancing up at him as he pulled away. "Why, though?"

"I just, y'know. I don't know, I feel like it's time. If you don't want to, though, baby, that's fine, too, of course."

"No, I don't care. How are we doing this?" I tilted my head, sitting up as he pulled his phone out. 

"That's a good question," He laughed, looking over at me. "I mean, I don't know, we could take a photo of us kissing?"

"Or," I hummed, smiling as I scrolled through my camera roll, "I could tweet out that photo I took of your neck hickey the other night."

"Why'd you take that, again?" He asked, laughing as he leaned over to look at my phone.

"I don't remember.. didn't you  _ask_ me too?"

"I don't think so?"

"Christ, how drunk did we get?" I giggled, resting against him again. "Well, whatever, you can do whatever photo you'd like. I know what I want to do," I said, grabbing his hand and intertwining our fingers. "I'll tag you in it."

I took a photo of our hands, where the tattoos lined up nicely, and then went to Twitter. I quickly typed out the tweet, smiling as I did so.

**holdin' hands w/ the boy i love, in the city of love <3**

"Wait, babe, don't tweet it, I want us to tweet it at the same time." Lukas murmured, and I looked over at him. 

"Hurry up, then."

"Okay, okay. On three. One, two, three."

I tweeted my photo, getting a notification that he tweeted something at the same time. I tapped on it, smiling. It was a photo of us, with Lukas pressing a kiss to my cheek.

**god i lov giving him kisses lol he gets so blushy n adorable**

"You didn't have to expose me with your tweet," I huffed, giving him a playful glare. My phone buzzed, and I blinked, looking a text from Fitz.

**cam, 06:07 am: did you and lukas deadass just come out.**

**cam, 06:07 am: toby and i were going to do it today.**

**cam, 06:07 am: fuck you two, we're d oing it anyways.**

**john, 06:08 am: fuc dude we didnt know lol,, sorry ??**

**cam, 06:08 am: its whatever idgaf. cumgratz ,whore**

**john, 06:09 am: ty bb < 333**

"Cameron just texted me," I murmured, glancing over at Lukas again. "Apparently him and Toby are planning on telling the internet they're dating, too."

"Wow, we're like,  _actually_ going to kill our fandoms," He laughed, and I smiled, shrugging.

"Mm, probably."

He didn't say anything after that, and the two of us held each other in a comfortable silence, watching the sun rise. After a while, I felt my eyelids get heavy again, and I yawned, looking up at Lukas. "..Babe?"

"Yeah, Johnny?"

"I'm still tired," I said, and he smiled, glancing over at me.

"Wanna head back to bed?"

I nodded, and he chuckled, standing up. He pulled me up, and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled, resting against him as we walked back inside, shutting the door quietly. I quickly got back in bed, snuggling under the covers and sighing contently at how comfy it was. Lukas slipped in next to me, and held his arms out. I rolled into his grip, giggling when he squeezed me gently, pressing kisses to the top of my head.

"You're so fucking  _warm,_ " I murmured, feeling even more tired as I got comfortable against him. "I'll never understand how your squishy body radiates such comfiness."

"I'll never understand how  _your_ squishy body radiates such comfiness," He replied, and I smiled, grabbing the blankets and burrowing deeper into them, making him do the same. "Y'know, babe, it really isn't that cold? I don't understand why you need so many blankets."

"Security," I shrugged, glancing at him. "I hate not having something over me. Even in the summer, I need, like, at least a really light sheet."

"I know, I know," Lukas said, running his fingers through my curls. "But still, I've seen you get up in the middle of the night and literally just sit in the kitchen, eating ice cubes in the middle of summer."

"That happened  _one_ time, L," I mumbled, glaring at him. "One time."

"It really wasn't even that hot out, it was only, like, seventy."

"Yeah, but your dumb ass forgot to turn the air conditioner on, so it was literally like eighty degrees in the fucking house."

"Was it?" He tilted his head, then chuckled. "Oh, yeah, no, it definitely was. Whoops."

"Let's not forget the time you literally downed two entire ice cream cartons in the span of an hour?" I raised my eyebrows, and he glared at me, frowning.

"Look, it was hot outside, I was having a bad day, and The Fox and the Hound are emotional fucking movies, alright?"

"Two.  _Two._ One of them was a flavor you didn't even like."

" _The Fox and the Hound,_ John!"

"We need to have a Disney movie marathon one of these days," I murmured, yawning against his chest, which was now bare, because he had tossed his shirt off before he got into bed. "But like, Pixar."

"That's not a bad idea," He smiled, kissing my forehead. "Not a bad idea at all."

I pressed a gentle kiss against his skin, smiling when he pulled me closer to him. "You're so pretty," I sighed, glancing up at him. He gazed down at me, a small smile splayed on his lovely lips. "So fuckin' pretty.."

"I think you're prettier," Lukas said, and I chuckled, sighing. "Way prettier."

"We're both pretty, let's settle with that."

"Fine with me," He giggled, and I leaned up, pressing our lips together. He kissed me gently, and I smiled into it, feeling his hand move to rest on my hip. When we parted, I shut my eyes, smiling when I felt him start playing with my hair again. "By the way, Jay called me when I woke up this morning. He got into contact with his parents, finally. It took longer than it should have, but to be fair, he had a lot of tracking to do. Anyways, he talked to them, and.. it turns out they know who mine are."

I blinked my eyes open, glancing at him. "Really?"

"Yeah," He said, smiling. "When we get back home, I get to see my family again, John."

I grinned, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing him tightly. "That's great, L!"

"I know," He nodded, and I pulled away to kiss his forehead, over and over again. "I know."

"Have  _you_ managed to get into contact with them?" I asked, blinking at him.

"No, I haven't. I mean, that can wait for when we get home. They got new numbers after the whole Plague thing. Don't ask me why, I don't know. My parents are fucking weird."

"Oh, okay. Well, hey, at least they know you're safe, right?" I smiled, moving a strand of hair out of his eyes. Lukas nodded as he gazed at me.

"Yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine what they're thinking right now," He chuckled. "I'm going to cry when I see them again."

"Of course you will," I murmured, kissing his nose. "They're your parents. You haven't seen them in years."

"Speaking of parents," Lukas sighed, tightening his grip around me, "how are yours?"

"They're.. still pretty upset about things," I said, biting my lip. "I took my time, explaining to them what happened. Why I am what I am. What happened to us. I.. I think they think I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster, though, John," He frowned, gazing at me. "You spent months trying to lay it down easy. It's not your fault they're taking it so harshly. I mean, you've gotta think of how they're feeling, though, babe. Their son is changed. He's not totally human anymore."

"I- I get it, though," I said, frowning. "I understand that it's.. it's probably really hard to try and accept and understand that, but.. ten months, Lukas. I've given them ten months, and they can still barely talk to me. It's like.. it's like I'm not even their son, anymore. It's like I'm a stranger."

He leaned down and kissed my nose, and I felt his breath against my skin as he sighed once more. "They'll understand eventually. And then they'll feel terrible for making you feel bad. They love you, John. I.. I don't know why they're having such difficulty with this, but I know you know they love you."

"I know. I just wish it felt like it." I rested against him, taking a deep breath as he rubbed my back gently. "It's.. it's fine. I'm tired."

"Let's get some more sleep, then, hmm?" He pulled me into a gentle, soft kiss, and I blinked my eyes closed after we parted. "We've got an entire day ahead of us."

"Yeah. Goodnight.. morning.. whatever, Buttercup," I said, yawning again as I grew even more tired. He chuckled,

"Goodnight, morning, whatever, to you too, Phoenix."

"Love you, babe."

"Love you too."

 

•

 

"Nature's so pretty," Lukas hummed, swinging our hands as we walked alongside the stream. I nodded, glancing over at it, smiling at the way the water trickled past the rocks. "This forest is fucking gorgeous."

"Today was supposed to be a lazy day," I chuckled, turning my head to look at him, admiring his cute his face as I did so. "What happened to that?"

"We did have a lazy day," He murmured, raising an eyebrow at me. "Slept through half of it, had sex for part of it, and then cuddled and ate junk food for the rest of it."

"But going to a forest isn't lazy," I said, gazing at the trees that surrounded us. "Pretty, definitely, fun, yes, but lazy? Nope."

"Stargazing isn't lazy, either, and yet, we're going to do that, too."

"I suppose you have a point," I sighed, glancing at him again. "Paris is so pretty."

"It really is," He smiled. "I'm glad we finally made it."

"Yeah, me too," I said, blinking as we came to a fork in the road. We walked over to the middle of it, and Lukas sat down on a fallen log, yawning. I sat beside him, and he smiled, pulling me into his grip. "It's sort of surreal, considering we had just started dating again when I brought it up."

"It's been almost a year," He said, kissing the top of my head gently. "Almost a year since my life had meaning again."

"Oh, please," I chuckled, tilting my head so I could see his face, "I did not give your life meaning. You are so fucking amazing, Lukas, with or without me."

"But I can't do anything without you," Lukas spoke, meeting eyes with me. "What's the point in being amazing if I can't show it?"

"You can," I said, sitting up a bit, "and you have."

"Thanks to you."

"Not thanks to me," I said, shaking my head. "Thanks to  _you._ If either of us should be thanking the other, it should be me thanking you." 

"What on Earth could you thank me for?" He laughed, and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Oh, I don't know, I could thank you for.. let's see.. everything?" I leaned against him once more, taking his hand and intertwining our fingers. "For supporting me constantly. For helping me make decisions. For letting me cry on your shoulder and ruin your shirt when I'm having a bad day. For holding me. For kissing me. For loving me. For being you. For being my best friend."

"I do all those things because I love you," He murmured, and kissed my cheek. "Because of how wonderful you are."

"You think there's a word for us? For how much we love each other?" I asked, running my thumb over the top of his hands. Although there was something in me that always made me doubt everything, even including Lukas' love for me, I knew he did. It was ten months since I had nearly died for a second time, and although the time since hasn't been the easiest, we made it through just fine. Because we had each other.

And I knew we always would.

The scary thing, for a long time, was not having that knowledge. Our relationship was so fragile; as if it was a brittle leaf, easily blown away in the wind. The littlest of things could send it downhill, tumbling down until the problems burst at the seams and we fought because of it, neither of us having any idea how to deal with the situation. And then we'd do something stupid, whether it be my ignorance or Lukas' leaving, my tendency to think before I thought or Lukas' lack of words at all.

The first few months of our relationship after we got back together, we were both scared it would happen once more. That we'd lose each other again.

It really didn't take too long to realize we were never going to lose each other, ever again.

"I don't know," Lukas replied, his voice soft. It reminded me of the wind. It was gentle as it passed, casually breezing by. But sometimes it got powerful, and loud, like the wind during a storm- other times it seemed broken, as if it was the scary noise you'd hear when the wind seeped through the windows. "Probably not. No word could be that pretty."

"I don't know if our love is pretty," I said, glancing at him. "I think it's just as broken as everyone else's."

"That's the pretty thing about it," Lukas smiled, kissing my forehead. "It's not perfect. Love is broken, but it powers through in the end. You can't tell me that's not absolutely beautiful."

I smiled as I gazed at him, my eyes gently going over his features. His long eyelashes, protecting his pretty, lollipop eyes. His eyebrows, which were as white as his messy, unstyled hair,  were especially nice to look at. His nose, rounded perfectly at the end, nice for pressing little kisses onto when I teased him. His cheeks, which were always a pretty, cotton candy pink, but could grow cherry red whenever he was flustered. His lips, which were painstakingly soft, pinker than the pink starbursts in the bag I gave him when I tried to ask him out at first... which absolutely backfired. 

"Yeah, it is beautiful," I smiled, pulling him into a kiss. 

Was it possible I was dating the human embodiment of the word  _love_?

Our tongues danced lightly, sending electricity buzzing through my veins as his fingers ran through my hair. I rested mine around his neck, eventually slipping them downwards and tracing his shoulder blades with my fingers. After a bit, we parted, and I tilted my head as I gazed at him.

He was  _so_ beautiful.

Lukas smiled as he gazed at me, and I sighed, hugging him. He chuckled, hugging me back. I rested my head against his shoulder as we rested in each other's arms, and he pressed a few kisses to my neck, making me smile. "You wanna go see that meteor shower, now? It's getting dark. By the time we get to the place, it'll only be about about half an hour until it happens."

"Let's go."

 

•

 

"Look, up there, baby." Lukas prodded me gently, and I tilted my head up to look at the sky, sitting up. My eyes fixated on the "stars" that whizzed by in the sky, flashes of white that took my breath away. 

"It's fucking gorgeous," I breathed, smiling as I tilted my head, looking around for more. They weren't in just one spot. White streaks breezed past every inch of the sky, and I could only be reminded of an painter, splashing paint onto the canvas. Except this time, the streaks were miles, and miles, and miles away. 

"Yeah, it is," Lukas said, shuffling behind me. I didn't bother to look, too concentrated on the breathtaking sight in the sky above us to be concerned with what my boyfriend was doing. I frowned as my neck started to ache, rubbing it with my hand gently, but still not moving position. It was too amazing to miss.

"Space is so fucking cool," I murmured, getting on my feet and walking around as I stared at the stars. "People are seeing this all over the world. We're all watching the same things unfold. I wonder if anyone on another planet is watching it, too."

"Realistically, yeah, probably," He chuckled. "I love it when you talk about space. You get so passionate. It's cute."

"Space is so  _cool,_ " I breathed, throwing my hands up in the air. "Fucking hell, I'd do anything to fly away from here, be in a rocket and see everything from the outside, looking in."

I ran my fingers through my hair, shaking my head in astonishment. The universe was fucking wild.

"Hey, John?" Lukas called, and I hummed, not taking my eyes off of the sky.

"Yeah, L?"

"I know the stars are cool right now, baby, but.." He trailed off, "I've got something to say."

I blinked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. I turned around to face him, blinking when he wasn't level with me. I took a step back, my eyes widening when I realized he was on the ground, crouching down on one knee.

"Nearly four years ago, John Kryoz, you gave me a ring, and you promised we'd stick together through everything. Through the good and the bad, through the worst and the best. Even if we fell apart at times, you promised that we'd always find each other again." Lukas' voice was gentle as he spoke, and I could already feel my eyes begin to water. "You never broke that promise. I feel like it's time I do something, too.

"John, you are the love of my life. We've been through hell and back, and still came out on top. Despite all odds being against us, we pushed through, baby. We made it to Paris. We made it to fucking  _Paris,_ even when death was a likely possibility, only ten months ago. I wrote you a letter once. I wrote about all the things I loved about you. I didn't include all of them, because the letter would have been a novel if I had done that. But at the end of it, I made a promise. I promised I'd propose one day." 

Lukas gazed up at me, and our eyes met. He smiled, and held his hands out in front of him, opening a small, black box. Inside was a simple, sleek, carbon fiber ring, with a galaxy design. I bit my lip, not managing to contain the tears in my eyes. "I guess that's one promise I really did keep, huh, Johnny?" He chuckled, biting his lower lip and glancing down, before he looked up at me again. 

"Phoenix, will you marry me?"

I gaped at him, hands flying over my mouth as I nodded. He grinned, standing up and pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back, my fingers curling around his shirt. He rubbed my back gently, and when my eyes had finally calmed down, I pulled away, pulling him into a passionate kiss. He kissed me back, and I smiled into it, gripping his face as my heart burned with love for the boy in my arms.

We  separated after a bit, and Lukas took my left hand, slipping it onto my ring finger. I pulled him into another kiss, and when we parted after that one, I rested my forehead against his. "I love you so fucking much," I whispered, and he smiled, rubbing my cheeks gently.

"I love you too. More than you'll ever know, John."

I grabbed his hand, and sat us down in the grass. He pulled me into his arms, and I rested my head against his chest, smiling down at the new collection to my rings. Although this one was better than the rest.

"I can't believe I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you," I murmured, my smile growing as time passed. Lukas giggled,

"What, disappointed?"

"Shut up, Reed," I scoffed, rolling my eyes as I smiled at him. "I'm the opposite of disappointed."

"Yeah," He smiled, kissing my nose. "Me too."

We rested against each other in silence for a while, our attention focused on the meteor shower above us. I could barely focus on it, though, my thoughts stuck on what had happened minutes before.

"Sometimes," I started, my voice a little weak, "sometimes I still feel like a monster. And.. and I know you've said you, um, you feel that way, too."

"Yeah?" Lukas blinked, grabbing my hand and holding it. I turned my head to look at him,

"I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I hate it. I hate thinking that I'm a monster. I hate thinking that you think you're a monster. I know we aren't," I said, my thumbs twiddling as I spoke. "I kept thinking, though, we're not monsters. Of course we're not. But.. but there's monsters inside of us. There's parts of us we can't stand. There's parts of us we wish were never there. But they're not us."

"Monsters. We're not monsters." He slowly nodded, biting his lip. "But we have monsters. Yeah, I think I like that philosophy better than thinking we are monsters."

"And Buttercup, I just.."

"What is it, Phoenix?"

"I love you. All of your monsters, too. All of the things wrong with the both of us. I love them."

"I love them, too," Lukas smiled. "Our broken, little monsters."

Monsters.

Something neither of us ever were.

"You know something, L?" I hummed, resting my head against him once more.

"What, Johnny?"

"I think Mr. F. was right, when we saw him for the last time before he died," I said, lacing our fingers together as I gazed at him.

"Right about what?"

"I think we're something special, Buttercup."

"I think we always were, Phoenix."

Redamancy.

A love returned in full.

 

**the end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is an epilogue in third person & present tense


	19. Chapter 19

Bright, blue eyes focus on the three-year old who's bubbling with laughter as his father scoops him up. "Dad! Put me down!" Comes the whine from the child, who's father shakes his head, laughing himself as he throws him over his shoulder.

"Lukas, put the poor boy down," John murmurs, biting his lower lip as he grins at the two in front of him. Lukas shakes his head in response, spinning around as he holds a secure grip on the child.

 _"Dad!"_ The boy giggles, making Lukas' heart flip. With a mock, heavy sigh, he eventually puts him down, and he falls promptly onto his butt, giggling.

"Someone's dizzy, huh?" John hums, smiling as the boy stands and waddles over to him, then falls into his lap. He grins as he rakes his fingers through his son's light brown curls, then leans down to kiss the top of his head. "You ready for bed, yet, Leo?"

"No," Is the muffled response, making Lukas smile as he makes his way over to the two most important people in his life. His husband, sitting on the couch with his son in his lap, is a sight he never thought he'd see five years ago. Everything was different five years ago.

"You're not sleepy at  _all?_ " Lukas asks, sitting besides John and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Leo shakes his head, curls bouncing around his face as he lifts it.

"Not one bit."

"Babe, what time is it?" John hums, smiling when Lukas kisses his cheek after pulling out his phone. Leo squints his eyes at his parents, 

"Gross."

"Oh, hush," Lukas murmurs, smiling as Leo sticks his tongue out. John reaches forward and ruffles his hair a bit, making the child giggle and try to pull his hand away. John eventually does so, pulling it away and watching as Leo sits on the floor, crossing his legs over each other. He then cups his hands around his mouth,

"Luka!"

The dog comes running in, jumping around and bombarding the little boy in kisses. Lukas smiles as he watches the two, "It's only seven, babe."

"You think Leo's up for a movie night? Didn't he say something about Disney marathons the other night?" John tilts his head as Lukas hums, resting his head on his lover's shoulder. John grabs Lukas' hand and kisses it, smiling when he sees the boy's face light up in a soft pink.

"Yeah, he's been talking all about it," Lukas says, messing with the rings on his husband's fingers. He taps the golden band, the ring that Lukas himself slipped onto John's finger on the day they married. "Surprised you haven't replaced this one with something cooler yet," He chuckles, and John rolls his eyes, smacking his shoulder gently and making him laugh harder.

"I wouldn't replace it for the world, dipshit," John mumbles, and Lukas grins, leaning up and pressing his lips against John's. They hold the kiss for a while, before Leo makes fart noises with his arm and starts laughing uncontrollably. They part with grins and gaze at the boy, whose face is red from laughing so hard.

"We're going to have a hard time putting him to bed tonight, aren't we?" Lukas asks, to which John nods at, pulling away from Lukas to scoop Leo up.

"Alright, it's bath time for you," He murmurs, and Leo excitedly claps his hands, before moving them to poke at John's face. John raises an eyebrow, lips slowly curling into a smile as the boy in his arms is distracted. 

"I'll set the movies up 'n make some popcorn," Lukas says, walking over to the two. He kisses the top of Leo's head, then leans over and kisses John's cheek. "And please, for the love of God, John, make sure he doesn't splash too much."

"He's an excited boy, Lukas. Water is fun when there's bubbles in it," John shrugs, and Lukas stares blankly at him, meeting his gaze steadily. 

"John."

"Fine, I'll try and make sure he doesn't make a mess," He grumbles, and Lukas grins, kissing his cheek again.

"Good. Now go," He mumbles, and John does so, walking away and conversing with the excited boy in his arms. Lukas watches them with a fond smile on his face, shaking his head as his eyes lower and settle on the promise ring that still rests on his finger from nearly ten years ago at this point.

He walks into the kitchen and pulls out a bag of popcorn, tossing it into the microwave and setting the time. When he turns, he frowns to see June on the table, stretched out on her back with her fur fluffed up. "How many times do I have to tell you to get off of this damn table?" He sighs, walking over and stroking her, smiling when she purrs. "Damn it, I can't be mad at you."

Lukas walks over to the fridge and pulls out a gallon of chocolate milk, humming as he shuts the fridge door. With his telekinesis, he opens a cabinet and grabs a smaller cup, resting it on the island as he walks over. He pours it in, then puts it away when he's done, running his fingers through his hair. Normally Leo wouldn't be given chocolate milk this late, but it's a weekend and he hasn't gotten into any mischief the entire day, so he feels he deserves it.

He retrieves the popcorn from the microwave as the timer goes off, hissing when he grabs it and it burns his fingers. "I have fucking telekinesis, and I grabbed the damb thing with my hands anyways," He sighs, shaking his head at himself. 

"Babe, where's Leo's shampoo!?" Is yelled from the bathroom, and Lukas sighs, resting his hands on his hips as he thinks.

"Top corner of the left cabinet!" He yells back, and after a few moment's silence, hears John's response.

"Found it!"

"Okay!"

He rolls his eyes at his husband's forgetfulness, pouring the popcorn into a large bowl and mixing it up a bit. He rests his elbows on the counter, pursing his lips as he thinks about what John would want to eat.

To be fair, what  _wouldn't_ John want to eat? Nearly five years of marriage and he still had an appetite for fucking everything. He'll never understand how he does it.

Shrugging, Lukas simply pulls out a box of chocolate, popping one into his mouth before he throws it onto the island. "God damn it, we just started a diet a week ago," He groans, shaking his head at his choice. "Whatever, wasn't like we were going to stick to it anyways."

On the other side of the house, John is trying his best to dry Leo's hair. The boy is squirming, trying his best to annoy his father. "Papa, the towel's too big for me!"

"It's a towel, Lee," His father chuckles, not very phased by his son. "I don't think a towel can be too big for someone. Maybe too small, but not too big."

"Well it is for me!" He whines, and John sighs, pulling the towel off of him. Leo grins in victory, punching the air in front of him. "Hey, Papa?"

"Yeah, Lee?" John raises an eyebrow as he picks the boy up and rests him on his lap. He yawns, hugging his father, who smiles and hugs him back.

"These pajamas are comfy."

"I know," John chuckles, "that's why I bought them for you. And they're dinosaur themed. Your favorite."

"Dinosaurs!" Leo's excited again, and John sighs. He was  _just_ settling down, but no, he  _had_ to bring up dinosaurs. He lifts his head as he sees Lukas walk into the room and pause by the doorway, 

"What's this about dinosaurs?"

"Papa helped me put on my dinosaur PJ's," Leo explains, and Lukas smiles, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Yeah! They're really comfy."

"That's good to know," Lukas nods, walking over. "So, you know what we're going to spend the rest of the night doin', Lee?"

"What?" Leo tilts his head as John bounces him gently on his knees, making the boy giggle a little.

"Disney marathon," He says, and Leo's eyes widen.

"Really!?"

"Really," Lukas smiles, and Leo cheers, jumping off of John's lap to make grabby hands at Lukas. His father picks him up, and Leo hugs him, making Lukas grin. John stands and presses a kiss to Lukas' temple. The shorter male reaches over and grabs his hand as he walks out of the room, adjusting his hold on Leo.

They make their way into the living room, where the couch is decked out in blankets. Leo grins excitedly, and Lukas puts Leo down in the middle of the couch. "Wait!" He frowns, and both parents turn and look at him. "Where's Ronnie?"

Ronnie is Leo's stuffed shark.

"Is it in your room?" John asks, and Leo hums, before he nods.

"I think so."

"I'll go get it. Babe, you can start the movie, it'll only take a second." He glances at Lukas, who nods and kisses him before he can walk out of the room.

"Okay," He says, smiling at him when they part. John leaves the room and Lukas flips the lights off, sitting down besides Leo and throwing a blanket over them. He starts the movie, and grabs a cup off of the table, then gives it to Leo. "Chocolate milk?"

"Chocolate milk!? Really?" Leo gazes at Lukas with wide eyes, and he nods, chuckling. Leo smiles, before he takes a sip of the drink, handing it back to Lukas carefully. He puts it back on the table, then leans back, smiling when Leo leans against him.

John walks back into the room with the plushie in his hand. "Here, Lee," He says, handing the shark to him. Leo gratefully takes it, mumbling a quiet thank you as he focuses his attention on the movie. John smiles and sits down on Leo's other side, stretching his arm out to rest it on the back of the couch. Lukas throws a blanket at his husband, before he moves his own arm and grabs John's hand, intertwining their fingers. 

"Babe, there's chocolate on the table," Lukas mumbles, and John's eyes widen, giving Lukas the same look that Leo did when he was given the chocolate milk.

"Really!? But we just started our diet?"

"Who cares?" Lukas shrugs, and Leo huffs.

"Dad, Papa, I can't hear the movie."

"Sorry, Lee," Lukas says, kissing the top of the boy's head as he grabs the chocolates and hands them to John. His husband grins, childishly excited over the treats. The three of them settle down, sharing snacks as they watch the movie. When Leo asks for a chocolate, Lukas says no, but John says yes. Eventually Lukas caves, giving Leo a firm look after telling him he could only have  _one._

Of course, Leo takes two anyways.

 

•

 

Hours pass, and John is wide awake as he watches Elsa make a castle made of ice and sing  _Let it Go,_ which would surely be stuck in his head for the rest of the week. Quiet snores beside him get his attention, and he blinks, turning his head to see both of his boys fast asleep. He smiles at the sight.

Lukas has both of his arms wrapped around Leo, who is cuddled into Lukas' side, face pressed against his shirt. He hums softly as he gazes at them, wondering how in the world he got so damn lucky.

Years ago he was seconds away from slipping into death for the second time.

Now, he was raising a family with the love of his life.

It was surreal, to say the least. Every minute that passed. John remembers adopting Leo like it was yesterday- he was only a baby then. Now he's only a few days away from turning four.

He sighs as he stands up, gently unhooking Lukas' hold on their son. He carefully picks Leo up, being careful to not disturb either of them into awakening. Then he carries him to his room, where he gently tucks him into bed, kissing his forehead and resting Ronnie right beside him. He flips the nightlight on before he walks out of the room, leaving the door open a crack.

When he walks back into the living room, he shuts the TV off, and starts cleaning up. He puts everything away, sighing as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. Glancing at the time, he frowns as he realizes it's only ten. He probably won't be asleep till three.

He walks back into the living room and gently nudges Lukas. Normally he'd let him sleep on the couch, but Lukas has been having nightmares lately, and he knows he'd get better sleep in the safety and familiarity of their bed. Lukas whines as he blinks his eyes open, yawning. "Buttercup, babe, wake up. You fell asleep with Lee on the couch."

"Where's Leo at?" Lukas asks, sleepiness in his voice. John smiles, helping Lukas stand up.

"He's in his room, asleep."

"Gotta say goodnight," Lukas mumbles, and the two walk to Leo's room. John rests against the door frame as Lukas says goodnight to the sleeping boy, kissing his forehead before walking back to John. He stumbles into his arms, yawning. 

"Were you having any nightmares earlier?" John asks, running his fingers through his husband's hair. Lukas sighs, nodding his head. "How bad, baby?"

"They were.. pretty bad, but then you woke me up, and I just.. had to make sure Lee was okay," He says, and John frowns. 

"Of course he's okay. Nothing's ever going to happen to him, alright?" John sighs, kissing his lover's head. "Ever."

"I know, Phoenix," Lukas says. "Not with us protecting him."

"You're right. Now come on, let's get you back to bed, huh?"

The couple walks into their room, and Lukas slips out of his clothes, then falls into their bed with a quiet groan. John chuckles, walking into one corner of the room, where his set-up is. Lukas' is in the other. He starts his computer up, and then walks over to their bed, gazing down at Lukas, who is staring at the ceiling.

"You gonna be able to fall asleep?" John asks, and Lukas nods, his multicolored eyes seeming a bit distant. John frowns, "Hey, Buttercup. Look at me."

Foggy eyes turn glossy when they meet John's, and he sighs. "C'mere, love," John murmurs, and Lukas sits up, wrapping his arms around John. It doesn't take long for him to start crying, and John hums softly as he does so, running his fingers through his husband's hair and kissing his head. His tears stain his shirt, but John doesn't mind. As long as he gets it out somehow, he couldn't care less.

"I can't d-do this anymore, John," Lukas croaks, and John shakes his head, frowning. "I can't fucking h-handle it."

"You can push through, baby, I know you can," John says, and then pulls away from Lukas to kiss his nose. "You're so fucking strong, L." His fingers trace the three scars on Lukas' cheek, scars that constantly remind the both of them of a scary, scary point in their lives. "So, so,  _so_ strong."

"Not strong enough," Lukas whispers, jaw trembling as tears threaten to escape again. "Not strong enough. These nightmares.. they're like the hallucinations, Johnny. They h-hurt me."

John frowns at that, and Lukas sniffles. "Babe, how long have they been doing that?"

"About a month."

"Lukas," John shakes his head as his eyebrows furrow, "why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't.. didn't want to bother you," Lukas mumbles. "There was so much going on last month, I.. I just.. I d-don't know. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, L, I could never be mad at you," He murmurs, moving his hands forward and brushing the tears off of Lukas' face with his thumbs. "Please, baby, please just tell me these things. I can't stand the thought of you being hurt and me not knowing, love. I want to help you as much as I can."

"The nightmares are so  _bad,_  John," Lukas sniffles. "I'm afraid of going to sleep."

"Maybe we can talk to Luke, or Craig," John says, running his fingers through Lukas' hair. The two of them, Luke and Craig, had stolen plenty of things from the lab that the white-coats who ruined their friend's lives all those years ago. They started developing medicines by working with the materials and drugs and other things they found. Both of them knew what they were doing, but often consulted either Marcel or Jonathan about the safety of their creations. "They might be able to figure something out."

"I guess," Lukas sighs, and John frowns. "Babe, I- I know you have work to do, but.. can you lay with me for a little while, at least?"

"Of course," John says. "You don't have to ask, baby, I was planning on doing it anyways."

The two of them slip under the blankets, and Lukas cuddles up against John, resting his head on his chest and shutting his eyes. They talk quietly for a while, sharing kisses every once in a while. Eventually, Lukas gets quieter, and his words grow softer. He falls asleep after a bit, and John just lays there for a while, running his fingers through the boy's hair and whispering words of comfort to him, hoping it'll soothe him in his sleep and prevent any nightmares from creeping up on the boy.

A while later, he gets up, tucking the blankets more securely around Lukas. He makes his way to the computer, and the light burns his eyes, but he gets to work, editing videos. It was a surprise that YouTube had managed to remain a career for the both of them after all this time, but Lukas still did graphic design on the side- mostly because he was very passionate about it.

 

•

 

By the time four a.m. rolls around, John's still wide awake at his computer. However, uneasy thoughts and memories are flashing through his head, and his face is slumped in his hands as he sobs- quietly, though, so he doesn't wake Lukas up.

This is a nightly routine, and he feels like a hypocrite for telling Lukas he wants to know what's bothering him, when he doesn't even tell the other what's bothering himself. He won't, though. Lukas doesn't need to be burdened by the mess that John is- or so, that's what he thinks.

It seems his cries were a little too loud tonight, because he feels arms wrap around him and lips kiss his head. "Baby, baby, what's wrong?" Lukas' voice is soft and gentle, but still sounds sleepy. John woke him up.

"Nothing," John murmurs, pulling his hands off of his face and gazing down. He knows it's useless to even try to pretend that he wasn't sobbing moments earlier, but he feels guilty for waking Lukas up. Feels guilty for bothering him.

"John, don't lie to me. What's wrong, Phoenix?"

And that one word has him breaking down again.

He slumps over as he cries, and Lukas wraps him up in a hug. John's sobs are loud and painful to listen to. It's been a while since Lukas has seen him this way, and to say he's worried is an understatement. He holds his husband close to him as he cries, whispering soft words of comfort to him.

After a while, John's quiet, but he doesn't move, simply buries his head into Lukas' chest. "Wanna tell me what's wrong, baby?"

"I c-can't stop remembering everything," He whispers.  _"Everything,_ Lukas."

"What do you mean, Johnny?"

"T-The white-coats, our f-fights, my d-death, all those t-times I had to kill someone, the lab.. I'm so scared it'll happen again, and it's scary to r-remember, and I just want to r-raise our family  _knowing_ that Leo's s-safe but I don't know th-that and that scares the f-fuck out of me."

 "I'm sorry, baby," Lukas frowns, rubbing the side of John's head with his thumb, not very aware of it as he speaks. "Is this.. did this just happen tonight? Or by you can't stop, do you mean.. this isn't the first time?"

"Isn't the first time," John mumbles, and Lukas sighs.

"Johnny, you should've told me."

"I know, but-"

"You don't have to explain, I know you enough to know why you didn't." Lukas frowns, and then Lukas pulls away to pull John into a kiss. Their tongues dance as they kiss, and the connection between the two is soft, caring, and loving. There's no rush between them, no lust or need. It's just them, compassion flowing between them as their fingers intertwine.

After a bit, they part, and Lukas kisses John's forehead. "Come to bed, baby, please. I know you haven't been getting much sleep lately."

"How..? You're always asleep when I get out of bed," He frowns, and Lukas chuckles.

"I wake up and see you're working, usually. I'd tell you to come to bed, but I know working helps you cope." He reaches his hand forward and tucks a stray strand of hair behind John's ear. "Now come on, bed, please. Don't make me force you, because you know I will."

"I know, I know," John smiles, and that smile grows when Lukas kisses his nose.

"You're still so fucking cute, y'know," Lukas hums, chuckling when his husband blushes. "Also, since Leo's spending the night at a friend's tomorrow, we've got the whole afternoon and night to ourselves, babe." Lukas grins, and John smiles, pulling him into his lap. "I think you know what that means."

"Mm, I know exactly what that means," John says, kissing him. When they part, he giggles. "Lots of fucking."

Lukas laughs, smacking his shoulder. "You didn't have to say it, we were both perfectly aware of it already."

"Yeah, but it's fun, because every time I mention it you blush."

"No I don't!" Lukas grumbles, and John grins.

"Are you  _sure?_ You mean to tell me the thought of me turning you into a hot fucking mess tomorrow doesn't make you at least a little flustered?"

"Shut up," Lukas mutters, his face flushed. "He's going to be gone long enough for plenty of rounds. I'm not the only one who's going to be a mess."

"Oh, but you admit to being a mess, then?"

"John, can we have this discussion tomorrow, please?"

John giggles and pulls him into another kiss. When they part, he leans over and shuts his computer down, receiving plenty of neck and shoulder kisses as he does so. Then he stands up and the both of them walk to their bed before they get under the blankets again.

Lukas extends his arms, and John moves into them, smiling when they wrap around him. He throws one of his arms over Lukas' torso, then leans up and kisses him. They part shortly after, and John yawns, growing sleepy as Lukas plays with his hair.

"You know, it's crazy to think Leo's going to be four soon," Lukas mumbles, and John nods.

"Feels like he came into our lives only yesterday," John replies. "He's growing up fast."

"He'll start school next year," Lukas says. "That'll be an adventure."

"He's going to get into so much trouble," John says, emitting giggles from the both of them. "God, I didn't think I could ever love someone as much as I love you. But the damn second we took him home, L, I couldn't believe it."

"I know what you mean," Lukas says. "I feel exactly the same way. I.. God, Johnny, we've come so far."

"We have, haven't we?" John smiles. "In six or so months it'll be eleven years since you cussed a teacher out and consequently changed both of our lives."

"Always knew my potty mouth would come in handy," Lukas giggles. John yawns, and pulls his lover into one more kiss before he shuts his eyes.

"I'm so proud of us, Buttercup." His words are soft and quiet, as he's almost asleep. Lukas nods in response, shutting his own eyes as he replies.

"Me too, Phoenix."

"I love you, Lukas," John says, another yawn tumbling out from between his lips. "Goodnight, baby."

"I love you too, John. Goodnight, baby boy."

Minutes later, both of them are fast asleep, snuggled up as close together as they were years ago.

They've both come a long way from when they met. And despite the rocky road they traveled, neither of them would change their lives for the world.

Why would they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /that/ was the buttercup series! i hope u enjoyed it and i'm sorry if i gave u any emotional damage along the way <3


End file.
